Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Stroke of luck

A 16-year-old Russian boy has won a prize to live with a porn actress for a month. Ruslan Schedrin earned this unusual – and some would say extravagant – reward for being visitor number 100,000 on a video games website. As one would expect, he is elated about his good fortune:

“I was so happy," he said. "I saw her and I liked everything. She has got good sizes... I am looking forward to our meeting so much. Everything is boiling inside me.”

Let’s hope his boiling innards don’t evaporate before she lays hands on him. His enthusiasm for this exhilarating prospect is not shared by his mother:

“I am shocked!” she declared. “I have not seen the girl, but my son must study.”

Perhaps Ruslin should promise his mother to study very hard when he is being taught how to unhook a bra strap. She’d be amazed by how much a boy can learn from a one-month apprenticeship.

Now the porn actress, whose name is Ekaterina Makarova, will be shacking up with her eager pupil in a Moscow hotel. The good news for Ruslan is that she seems to have taken a shine to him. Nevertheless, she is curiously coy about whether they will be engaging in deeds of a steamy and sticky nature:

“It’s not supposed, but life is life,” she remarked mysteriously. “It is a usual thing when inexperienced boys are looking for more experienced girlfriends. I don't know. At least we'll be friends – I liked him in the photographs.”

Reading between the lines, I think she realises how hugely disappointed Ruslan would be if she denied him the goodies in her candy box. Perhaps she is trying to keep the itinerary ambiguous to protect the boy’s reputation when he finally emerges from her lair. Her own reputation, of course, has no need of protection.

My main concern for the boy is that the dish may taste better in the anticipation than in the eating. The job of a porn actress is to give pleasure to the voyeur, not the witless buffoon who explores her orifices. Even if he does initially get a kick out of having his juices milked, the novelty is bound to wear off after a month. It may turn out to be the kind of unfulfilling experience that propels him towards self-stimulation with a noose around his neck.

When I told the manager of the safari camp about this story, he didn’t try to hide his resentment:

“No 16-year-old boy deserves to be that lucky,” he said. “When I was 16, I had to beg fat college girls to let me feel them up.”

“And I’m sure you are a better man for it!” I exclaimed. “Is it not more praiseworthy to toil honestly for the right to squeeze the boobies of a deliciously plump college girl than be presented with a jaded porn star because of a lucky click on your computer?”

He rubbed his face and sighed, but I believe my words brought him comfort.

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Well good about winning the boobie prize.
It's got to be a little disappointing to live with a porn star. I mean, life can't be like you've seen them in their films. The pizza guy arrives at the door and just hands you a pizza and takes the money and leaves?
Good luck with that study vs. sex, mom. I can tell you straight away that you'd best prepare yourself for a big failure. Can you imagine being the girl who dates him after Ekaterina is finished working her magic?! Oh, well. I suppose there are worse ways to be ruined.
eh. hope he wears a condom, cause he don't know where that love tunnel has been!
He's 16 and I doubt he'll be getting into her goodie box. I mean there has to be some law about that, right?
Most teen boys would die for that opportunity, and his reputation afterwards.
Mistress Maddie: A choice of booby prizes, to be precise!

Nasreen: Are they still doing those pizza guy porn videos? I guess the golden oldies will always be popular.

Exile: Don't write him off too quickly. This event will make him a celebrity, and there are always girls for celebrities.

Anne Marie: He can find out exactly where it's been by watching her movies. Hopefully she used a high strength coochie cleaner. :)

Mary: I think 16 is old enough in Russia, Mary. The question is whether he needs his parents' permission.

Pop Tart: If he died he wouldn't need to worry about his reputation. :) I suppose he might expire like a drone after servicing the Queen Bee - hopefully with a smile on his face.
There is a difference between making love and having sex.
So in Russia it is cool for a woman to take in a 16-year-old stranger for a month? This kid was in the right place at the right time. Did his parents give him their blessing? Coolest parents ever!
Putin must be so proud of his country’s advertising gimmicks.
Well he will be studying, mommy dearest. It’s called anatomy and biology. I think it may become his favourite subject.
"Everything is boiling inside me."
Is that what we're calling it now?
I'm guessing that video game website has soared past the million visitor mark by now.
What does he mean by "good sizes," GB? Her boobs like the same size to me.
What if it is everything of which a young boy dreams? And then, after a month of pure unadulterated joy, she is gone. He may be spoiled for the rest of his life. Every subsequent girlfriend not meeting up to expectation, or at least being afraid of that, should they learn of the spectacular opening act. It would be like going on stage after Jimi Hendrix.
Pop Tart: Isn't making love just sex with kissing?

Dr Ken: Regrettably his mother hasn't give it her blessing, Dr Ken, but the boy doesn't seem to care.

Jules: Yes, although it's more like a lab session than a lecture. Possibly to be followed by an oral exam.

Al: Yes, it's boiling now. Could you remind me what the previous word was?

Mr Rosewater: Very possibly, but the horse has bolted the stable and is getting ready to mount the mare.

Robyn: It is a strange turn of phrase, Robyn. Maybe something got lost in translation...or he was referring to her butt as well.

Mosha: Well that all depends. The dish may look appetising, but what do we know of its taste and texture?
When I was sixteen she would not have excited me, but then again even today she wouldn't excite me. Just give me one of the buffoons.
You sound like Mistress Maddie, Mr Beard!
I can't believe Vladimir Putin would let this occur.
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