Friday, July 20, 2007

Busted on a bus

News arrives of a German bus driver who refused to be deflected from his duty by a pair of bouncing bosoms. These belonged to a 23-year-old female passenger, riding in a seat that made her cleavage visible in the rear-view mirror. A lesser man might have ogled the boobies intently at traffic lights and bus stops, trusting to his self-discipline when the vehicle was in motion. In my view that would have been a gross dereliction of duty. Full marks to the fellow for stopping the bus and ordering the woman to change her seat or leave. Safety must always take precedence over a woman’s right to have her titties admired.

What a pity that the young lady made a fuss and complained to the bus company. Those familiar with the game of cricket know that there is no excuse for walking across the batsman’s eye-line when the bowler is about to deliver. Had her brain not been scrambled by misguided feminist doctrines, she would have surely taken the bus driver’s concerns for the compliment they undoubtedly were. Would she really prefer to have breasts that a man would ignore if they appeared in his rear-view mirror? If so, she should have replaced her low-cut T-shirt with some variety of billowy garment popularised by the women of Arabia.

Female bus drivers should have similar rights, of course. A bare-chested labourer returning from work might well have a malign influence on their manipulation of the gear stick. What’s sauce for the goose is chutney for the chipmunk. If a lady bus driver catches sight of a male passenger flexing his pectoral muscles or suggestively wiggling his tongue, she should stop the vehicle immediately and confront him with a set of non-negotiable demands. In the business of public transport, it is always the driver who wears the trousers and the passenger who squirms submissively inside the petticoat.

These anatomical dilemmas were common in my circus days. I shall never forget
Zelda the trapeze artist, whose lithe body caused male necks to twist and strain wherever she went. She had a superb bottom, perfectly pert and as firm as a freshly-picked tomato. I once discussed the question of rump maintenance with her in an analytical way, and she told me that bicycles and balletic exercises were the secret of her well-preserved posterior. Who was I to doubt her?

Unfortunately, her peachy adornment was distracting the male members of her team, who were finding it difficult to concentrate on her hands during mid-air somersaults. The remedy conceived was a radical one. Zelda allowed the men a half-hour session before each performance for studying her buttocks at close range, discussing its finer points and probing its contours with their hands. This repeated scrutiny soon diminished its fascination, allowing the men to accomplish their aeronautic feats without diversion. You can only listen to your favourite pop song so many times before it becomes mundane.

Does this circus anecdote suggest a possible course of action for women who are tired of men leering at their bosoms? I’m not one to belabour a point, so I’ll let you work it out for yourselves.

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grilla banaas! cool post bastad. many girls where i am coming from dress like this liek you are talking about. and i think cricket is like driving in the car because when they walk across the road my eye gets glued to them ha ha!
Women who get chest and bum cleavage out for general viewing should expect them to get looked at- you're right.

However there is a breed of bloke who will talk to your bosom even when it is completely covered up by an arran jumper, metal armour, boiler suit etc. I work with some such guy. I have thought about putting a post it note on my chest pointing out directions to my face.
Mmm interesting post- funnytoo... and Missy I'm with you on that one!
As a gentle-man, I try to refrain from oggling breasts, and proceed straight to the groping. It is only polite.
Oh God GB if only there were many distracting males and male torsos about to cause me to have car crashes on the road as i ogle a hot laborer....but it's never happened. The only hot men one sees on a daily basis are in movies and porn...and even in porn only a few are hot. There is a massive inequality in this region, in that so many more women are sexy.
As usual an excellent solution to a modern dilemma! I shall recommend these ideas at the next meeting of The Diversity and Equality Group. I feel confident they will be adopted
Zhenya: Welcome, friend. A man from Liverpool once said "Ukraine girls make me sing and shout!".

Missy: Strange behaviour. I find a woman's face far more interesting to look at.

Jude: Welcome ma'am. You've certainly got a face worth looking at.

Lord Likely: M'Lud, a man of your appetite cannot afford to ogle lest he damage his trousers.

Emma: A colleague informs me that gay male porn may be your cup of tea.

Mutley: Good luck! There's no need to mention my name, say it was your idea and take the credit for yourself.
Those must have been some tits or he hasn't gotten some in a long time!
As an American, titty bouncing is a basic freedom.

Opening of The Gettysburg Address: "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal and all women need be revered for bouncing titties."

God bless America! May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.

Suck it, Germany!
as with zelda, i allow my enamored ladies to do the same when they become infatuated with my crotch... poking, prodding, and examining every aspect. as for the 'lady on the bus', that's a pic of actress brittany murphy on a nyc subway.
A delicious Spanish traffic cop nearly caused me to nearly have a prang once. At least in England we do not allow very good looking men to join the police.
Fine idea, GB. As for Kristin, above, I'm sorry to say the Gettysburg address as been supplanted by several chapters of the United States Code.

Too bad, really.
Jenny: Maybe you underestimate the power of the bosom.

Kristin: But in his second inaugural speech he said "Let us bind up the nation's titties", so he must have changed his mind after seeing Mrs Lee's hooters.

Raffi: Google misinformed me about that picture. I claim blogger's licence.

Lady Daphne: American women expect get a date with a good-looking cop by dialling 911.

Randall: The blame rests with James Madison, he should have considered the titty question when drafting the Constitution.
I am certain you would never leer at a lady's chest Mr Bananas. Perhaps this means that you would be suitable for a career as a bus driver?
I must! So I should cover them up if I don't want to die in a fiery car crash while riding the bus?
Jungle Jane: I never leer, JJ, but I do have the artist's eye for contours and curves. I'd only drive a bus if you and Cliff Richard were singing a duet behind me.

Jenny!: Don't share them with commuters, Jenny, only readers of your blog deserve to get a glimpse.
hehhe I agree with Missy... and what a brave man to ask her to do that LOL.

Wonderful !
Mr Bananas, I have just tagged you. If you don't do tags, so much the better.
I see this slightly differently. I think the bus driver should have manned up and been able to drive while leering at the boobs.

At work, I am able to sign for packages despite being distracted by the sexy DHL delivery guy. I can even talk to him, sign for the package (if you will) and discreetly leer. I expect German bus drivers to have the same multi-tasking skills.
I have a question Mr GB... when you boil eggs why do some have a kind of membrane between then yolks and the whites?
Don't worry, Mr Bananas, the point was I was tagging people who wouldn't do the tag, because I dislike tagging.

Oh with this postmodern irony I am really spoilinh us.
Miss Smack: He did the right thing. Having great tits is no protection against a road accident.

Katie: You chose well - but I will admit to having eaten eight different species of insect.

Trish: Men aren't as good at multi-tasking as women. To get them to drive and ogle boobs at the same time would require a lot of training.

Mutley: I always eat them raw. Are you teasing me about being a wise old ape? I have never made such a claim.
Get em ogled, worry about the consequences later...
Familiarity breeds contempt and too much jiggling results in the dangling of breasts more akin to a pair of demolition balls swinging low and dangerous.

As I've said before, my hairy friend, it's all fun and games til someone takes an eye out...
What kind of silly game has both a batsman AND a bowler? Those are two completely different sports! Pick one and stick with it! Outrageous.
Hi GB, my sweetheart of an ape.
I didn't have a chance to read Blonde Faith today but will tomorrow.
How I have missed you!
Sadly, you still have not reformed.
There's no hope for you turning Christian is there GB?
The girl in the second pic looks a bit nerdy though, I suspect.
Big hug!
In my town is necessary for all girls to wearing outfits for making breasts come out!
GB....thanks for the gay porn tip but I do not take recommendations from your colleagues. Unless it comes from the horses or rather, the Gorilla's mouth I don't think its worth going there. Also, isn't gay porn all anal, there's only so much bumming a gal can take!
Manuel: Sounds like a good motto for a restaurant with nude waitresses.

Domestic Minx: You have eloquently made the case for the brassiere, DM.

Kara: Oh Missy! When are you people going to learn that a 'pitcher' is a container for water?

Suzan: Welcome back, Suzy, I missed you too. Please try to convert me using whatever methods you like.

Dima: That sounds like a good tourist attraction!

EmmaK: My colleague says you have to fantasize squeezing yourself between the naked men. He may be projecting a male fantasy onto women.
Trish: Men aren't as good at multi-tasking as women. To get them to drive and ogle boobs at the same time would require a lot of training."

When a primate is right, a primate is right.
What would it take for you to stop the bus, GB? A lady gorilla with a huge pair .... of bananas?
Oh yeah? Well when will YOU people learn that a cricket bat is actually just the unnatural love spawn of a cricket and a bat, eh?
Ms Robinson has noted that she still manages to have some effect on the builders working nearby when she walks past. Should she expect a telling-off from the foreman soon?
All male bus drivers should be castrated.
This is the other reasonable alternative.
Women bus drivers shouldn't be a problem as women shouldn't be allowed to drive in case they become distracted by their own breasts, as undoubtedly happens all the time.

For the purposes of this comment I became Richard Littlejohn. For the purposes of evolution I shall now commit seppuku.
GB - Do you blatantly stare at women's crotches and tits, like I stare at mens crotches?
Trish: And a lady gives credit where it is due.

Mrs Table: Whatever the temptation, I would wait for the bus stop. We gorillas are not Pavlovian dogs.

Kara: Heh! You must have racked your brains for that one!

Ms Robinson: He shouldn't bother unless he has the steely-eyed gravitas that would make Ms Robinson tremble with apprehension.

Kieran: No prizes for guessing what you'd be doing if you were a woman for a day. Littlejohn was the meathead bodyguard of Robin Hood, no need to bring his name into it.

Miss Smack: Just a quick glance, I never stare. If the woman is fully clothed, her thighs are usually more interesting than her crotch.
So, what you're saying is:

Ladies, get your tits out on public transport for the benefit of improved road safety.

Well, I'm all for it.
"Having great tits is no protection against a road accident."

Nature's own airbags. Plus if a passenger broke his or her neck in an horrific road accident - the head and neck could be immobilised between the bosoms of a compassionate fellow traveller until the ambulance arrived.
Tanqueray has stolen my soul or, at the very least, my tongue- I know, but it was all that was available at the time. At this moment in time, I feel I would like to offer my uterus as a veehickle for your wee 'rilla spawn. That is to say, love ya, Nanas. And my broadband worls again!! O joy!! O hairy happy joy!
Mosha: I don't think you've quite picked up on the nuances of the argument.

Sam: Welcome back, Sam dear. Using boobs as airbags is an interesting idea, the problem would be getting them high enough. Using them as a resting place for an injured head would be a most touching example of human compassion.
I think so.
I say we return to the days of segregation and make all the pretty people with an exhibitionist streak sit at the back of the bus.
Would save a lot of trouble and misunderstanding.
There it is again.
Tis discrimination against melons worldwide, I say!
Zuba: Isn't the back of the bus where the rear-view mirror is aimed?

Princess Stef: A melon would be too hard to serve as a lady's bottom, don't you think?
Yes, but it's a long way away? Harder to see detail that way, or maybe that would just play havoc with the driver's imagination.
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