Wednesday, November 05, 2008

A new era?

I am surprised to see a white-haired, white-suited American gentleman at the safari guesthouse. I ask him whether he has submitted his ballot by post.

“No member of my family has participated in a presidential election since Mr Lincoln ran for office in 1860,” he declares in a wheezy Southern drawl. “Any poll that could make that long-legged Yankee jackanape its winner is no better than a pig-in-the-poke auction at a carnival.”

I suck my teeth and nod, as if his views were widely held among the gorillas of the Congo. It’s best to humour eccentrics when you’re tending bar. I once served an Italian who said that Mussolini was the greatest of men. He boasted that he’d licked the fingers of Il Duce’s granddaughter when she gave him her hand to kiss. Imagine being proud of something so yucky! I wouldn’t have done that if she’d just eaten Chicken McNuggets. As for President Lincoln, I have nothing against the man. He made a number of clever remarks in his career and was assassinated through no fault of his own.

So it looks like Mr Obama has won. Call me a sentimental ape, but I’d always rather hoped that Sidney Poitier would be America’s first black president. What a noble fellow he played in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner! My favourite bit was when he told Spencer Tracey that he’d ditch Little Miss Muffet if the old curmudgeon so much as whispered a word of disapproval. Manners of that sort are rare these days, even in the most exalted circles. President ‘Kiss-My-Willy’ Clinton would have probably asked the girl’s father to buy her a pair of knee-pads as an engagement present.

I can’t help sighing wistfully at all these fresh-faced young Americans who expect the world to love their country now that Morgan Freeman Junior is headed for the White House. If only life were that simple! They should consider what would have happened if Dirty Harry had started sweet-talking everyone and inviting them to settle their differences with him amicably. He might have initially impressed a few wishy-washy types in the DA’s office, but the carping would have resumed the very next time he fired his 44-Magnum in anger. As for the hoodlums and assassins, they would have hated him all the more for behaving like a pussy.

I’m not saying that President Obama has to punk anyone out himself to prove a point – that would be undignified. But he ought to make a few strong appointments to send the right signals. My recommendation for the top job at the Pentagon would be Oscar ‘Mad Coyote’ Johnson, the big cat trainer from Nevada. He was seconded to our circus in ’95 and the lions used to piss themselves whenever he entered their cage. He remains the only human I’ve ever seen kick a full-maned adult in the posterior. On getting the defence portfolio, he’d take the first plane to Afghanistan in full circus gear – I assure you that he'd unravel every turban in Paktia province.

Yet when all is said and done, the fate of a great nation lies not in the palm of any one man, nor even in his navel or armpit. From sea to shining sea shall the people renew the cryptic chords of union. The granite-faced farmer of Vermont; the powder-faced hoochie of LA; the folks in between with the big, wobbly bottoms – together they shall bring forth a new birth of shopping malls and condos for the honest real estate speculator to chance his remaining dollars on. And given the current state of the market, that would be no bad thing. E pluribus unum poonam bajwa as we say in the Congo.

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calling it a little early, aren't we? is that optimism i detect in you sir? no, don't answer. i'm so happy right now, i'd like to kiss your hairy cheek.
Sidney lost all respect with that silly Sneakers flick. Now Morgan Freeman, I'd vote for.

Things may not be better overnight - certainly bringing home the troops will be a potential nightmare, let alone fixing the general state of mess left by GeeeDubya. That's without imagining what crap he'll pull in the next few months to make sure Obama starts off on a back foot.
may I swap places with the girl in the last photo?
My recommendation for the top job at the Pentagon would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
It's a known fact!
Sidney Poitier was a handsome fellow, but was he ever presidential material? I know he has political/ambassadorial duties, but did he ever dabble seriously in American politics?

Mr Bananas, have you no power to do anything about the horrible goings on in your country at the moment?

Is that a picture of Hindi actors??? LOL!!

I am just ecstatic that Obama won. I hope he won't fall into the trap of further side lining the blacks just to show that he isn't bias

Oh and he should prob hire David Letterman as his VP...the White House needs some giggles!
Kara: I'm always optimistic about America, Missy. The only thing to fear is the super-volcano under Yellowstone Park. Solve that problem and you'll be ready for warp drive.

Ms Dngy: No, ma'am! President Bush is an American patriot who wouldn't sabotage his country for partisan ends. We gorillas give our full support to whomever America chooses as its president. Aren't you Canadian anyway?

Nursemyra: Only if I can swap places with the man, Nursie!

Joe: People talk a lot about about Chuck Norris, but I have no idea who he is. Is he better than Chuck Connors?

Kitty: No one who saw Mr Poitier in In the Heat of the Night could doubt his qualifications for the presidency. The fighting in the DR of Congo is indeed tragic. Fortunately, I live in the other Congo to the north.

Sabrina: It's a picture of Hindi actress Poonan Bajwa, Saby. I think you could have played her role to perfection!
Isn't "Poonam Bajwa" a translation of "Pussy Galore"?

Obama's victory is historic. It's the first time I've been older than the President of the USA.
it's a great day for america, sugar! xoxo

It's the first time I've been older than the President of the USA. same here sugar, and i don't even mind it a bit!
Yesterday I carelessly referred to Mr Bush as a monkey.

I humbly apologise for the insult.
Can I second practically joe's Chuck Norris nomination?

I've heard that Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

I, for one, am assuming that Obama is a secret superhero and he will bring and end to all the world's problems with a swish of his cape and a flash of those mighty teeth; the old swish-n-flash: be sure to get the order correct, lest one tarnish one's presidency with indecent exposure. Some can get away with it, though.....
After all of the euphoria, I realized that this will be the first time I am older than the President.

I'm sorry, I've been in the bathroom. Have I missed something?
(Cow dreaming of being served a drink by the impeccably tuxedoed Gorilla Bananas)


Cow thinks Obama can only do better than Bush, and is inspired by Obama's comment "We are a better country than that", and hope that he proves it right. Cow thinks he will.

The Bush nightmare ends, Hooray!

Lady Daphne: I think you're confusing her name with 'Poonany Plenty', which is Jamaican for 'Pussy Galore'.

Savannah: I hope so ma'am! And I hope it's not the last one.

Chris: That's OK! Mr Bush calls you a whippet-eating ferret in reply.

Jade: You certainly can, Miss Jade, although the man is a non-entity in the Congo.

Mosha: I'm sure he'll wear tights, but he could be vulnerable to Kryptonite. The secret service will have to watch out for assassins armed with green rocks.

XL: You've done well to survive to such a landmark, Sir!

Kevin: The Martians have landed and are giving away free anal probes. Interested?

Ms Cow: It would be my great pleasure to serve you a drink, Ms Cow. I too hope that Mr Obama does a good job.
Anal probes again? That's all they had in W.H.Smiths this morning as well. It's a wonder anyone has any eyebrows left.
Secretary of State - Zorro

Defence - The Rock

Treasury - Sir Hugh Hefner

Interior - Chuck Norris (he lacks The Rock's foreign experience, having only roundhouse kicked people in the Far East, so he'd be better in Interior tha Defence. The Rock has turned into an insect in Ancient Egypt, and therefore has a better grasp of the yahoos in the Middle East)

Homeland Security - GW Bush. He set it up, he can sort it out.

Trade - Jennifer Tilly (her poker is a joy to behold)
Surely the Congo is aware of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

Does this help any, Mr. Bananas?
I think Sidney Poitier is a citizen of The Bahamas, and therefore may not have been eligible. In addition to the previous sugestions, make Cartman from South Park director of the FBI.
I'm disgusted that a withered, stupid old white man has been denied his birthright to run the United States.

Intelligent, handsome young black men will be the ruin of our great nation.
Well, the hoohah is now over. Let's see if anything really changes very much...

I think Morgan Freeman would make an excellent President too. But then, I liked Martin Sheen in the role best.
I was with Kev... I was having my annual probe...
Kevin: Yes it's the same old chesnut. Aliens are very conservative about where they probe.

Mr Boyo: With that kind of creative thinking you should be on the transition team. There was a time when 'The Rock' meant Rock Hudson. Probably around 1962. How about Paris Hilton for UN ambassador?

Joe: The problem is I never saw his Texas Ranger show. I do remember Chuck Connors in Branded though. "All but one man died..."

Gadjo: Cartman! How did I overlook him? He should have a position in every adminstration. I'd make him head of special operations in the CIA.

Cletus: I'm disgusted Gore Vidal isn't president as well. I blame William F Buckely for calling him a queer on TV.

Mrs Cake: Before The West Wing, Martin Sheen played a celibate version of JFK in a TV movie. Not very convincing I have to say.

Scarlet: I'd like to probe you every month, Miss Scarlet.
My, my.

With his probing comments and his deep explorations, Gorilla has stirred up an almost alien perfect storm.

I remember that show as well Mr. Bananas ... Chuck Connors was branded a coward and tries to restore his good name. Chuck Connors I think was better known as "The Rifleman". Ever see that one?

Chuck Norris, an American Martial Arts Black Belt, on the other hand has many martial arts movies to his credit besides his TV show. I believe that in the movie "Way of the Dragon" he fought Bruce Lee.
Mr Bananas!!!

I don't know any Chucks.

Old white men, leaving a mess for a young black man to clean up.

Things never...

Yikes! Don't think I should have clicked on that!
I think you could quite easily engineer such a scenario by whispering earnestly in Sarah Palin's ear.
brilliant post. i second that from this part of the planet...
Topiary Cow: We got distracted by all this alien-probing talk, didn't we Ms Cow?

Joe: I've looked at a few pictures of Mr Norris. He has an unAmerican face - almost Russian I would say. John Saxon in Enter the Dragon was a real American.

Scarlet: No Chucks, Miss Scarlet? How frustrating!

O'Bama: Gore Vidal is incontinent? I don't think Mr Obama should be asked to clean up his mess.

Mosha: I'm not that keen on putting my head next to her bosom if that's what you mean.

Treespotter: Well thank you, Mr Treespotter, although I'm not sure which proposal you're seconding here.
i like that last para,
"Yet when all is said and done, the fate of a great nation lies not in the palm of any one man, nor even in his navel or armpit. From sea to shining sea shall the people renew the cryptic chords of union. The granite-faced farmer of Vermont; the powder-faced hoochie of LA; the folks in between with the big, wobbly bottoms – together they shall bring forth a new birth of shopping malls and condos for the honest real estate speculator to chance his remaining dollars on. And given the current state of the market, that would be no bad thing. E pluribus unum poonam bajwa as we say in the Congo"
He was in Fresh Prince of Bel Air right?
As an interested observer and without wishing to be flippant, I really appreciate having a world leader who looks so elegant. Maybe people will smarten themselves up a little. There is too much slobbishness both in appearance and behaviour. IMHO
Everything will be OK now, won't it? I mean, there's nothing to worry about anymore, is there?
One of my favorite Poitier films is Edge of the City, but after seeing that I'm not sure how he'd hold up in a fight. A fight on the docks, in any event.

Sidney lost all respect with that silly Sneakers flick.

You take that back, you bastard!
Treespotter: Ah, well good! Quote it to your heart's content!

Mutley: Not sure. I need to watch more TV.

Pi: Well you haven't seen him in a disco yet.

Mrs Pouncer: All things must pass, Mrs Pouncer, including our worries.

Chris: A grim choice. So what did you think about 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner'?
Somebody somewhere recently described what has just swept the nation as an Obamasm.

He has not lingered in bed with us though. He's up and at 'em. Barack to work and steady as she goes. And I don't even mind this caddishness. In fact, I rather love him for it.
Metaphorically speaking, I'm one of that fresh-faced lot myself. I've had the pleasure of being congratulated by dozens of amazed-looking Turks, Africans and Kazahkstanis, none of whom really thought Obama could win, the silly things. I'm partly thrilled that he won and partly a little jaded too; if Obama manages to do even half as well as everyone's hoping he'll do, I'll be satisfied.
Sam: Can he really give people obamasms just by making speeches? That's better than JFK!

Mary: It's the Kenyans who are happiest of all. The people who are most surprised are those who would never voted for anyone darker than themselves.
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