Monday, October 24, 2005

Shaggy: great human

I was never a fan of Scooby Doo. This oversized mutt exemplifies some of the worst aspects of the human-pet relationship. He is forced – against his will - to participate in the investigation of various unsolved mysteries by insufferably pretentious children, who fancy themselves to be modern-day Sherlock Holmeses. And his role during these activities is either to amuse these children with buffoonish antics or allow himself to be patronized by them in the most irritating manner. His only constructive contribution appears to be the accidental discovery of one kind of clue or another, which usually occurs when he’s trying to make good his escape from imaginary ghosts or ghouls.

However one of the children – if indeed he be a child – behaves towards the dog in a manner that befits a true friendship between man and beast. The ginger-haired freak, Shaggy, is the only human who engages Scooby Doo in a partnership of equals. He has no qualms about sharing his fears with the dog and asking for his protection in times of danger. As Scooby Doo is almost as cowardly as Shaggy, this is a task he is ill-equipped to perform. But I give Shaggy credit for frankly admitting to his fears and placing his trust in the dog, unlike the other children who pretend to believe that rationality and diligence alone can protect them from the evils of man.

The camaraderie between Shaggy and Scooby Doo is best illustrated by their dining arrangements. They are both perpetually afflicted by ravenous hunger and highly susceptible to bribery with food. But contrary to the norms of human-pet interaction, there is no distinction between them in either the mode of eating or the type of food accepted. Scooby Doo will happily devour any sandwiches and cakes that are placed in his path, and Shaggy does not try to claim first right to them as a human. Similarly, Shaggy will gratefully swallow any “Scooby-snacks” that are thrown in his direction, even though these dog-biscuits were designed to suit the tastes of his canine friend.

As a gorilla of independent means, I have not found it too hard to get humans to treat me with the same consideration they would show a member of their own species. And if any human is difficult to convince on this matter, I can always force the issue by hoisting him upside down by his ankles and farting in front of his face. But I abhor unnecessary violence and would much rather solve these problems through dialogue and education. So I say to humans who want to treat their animal companions with respect: Learn from Shaggy!

I leave you with the Scooby Doo
theme song. The last word of the third line of the song is “slipper”.

You've gone too far this time GB. Shaggy a great human! Because he treats a goofy dog as an equal! On that basis, my neighbour's daughter is a great human because of the way she treats her pet hamster. Get a grip on yourself my good ape!
Tarzan gets a coconut for noticing that the "great humans" eulogised by the learned Mr Bananas may not quite be worthy of the title. Funny how he didn't bother complain about an earlier post in which the "great human" was a woman whose main claim to fame is her shapely breasts. Must have been distracted by the pictures of her, I suppose.
Message to Dr Maroon: I've TWICE tried to post a comment on your blog but on each occasion the haloscan screen went blank and the comment disappeared. I am annoyed about this. I basically said that I was still in class but lacking the energy of your other pupils. That Ms Cat definitely ought to write her own blog. I also said something about jet engines that I have forgotten.
I also tried both Dr. Maroon and Twenty with the same results.
I also tried both Dr. Maroon and Twenty with the same results.
Au contraire, Mynah Bird, I just happened to agree with GB that La Cicciolina was a great human. I'm beginning to notice a hint of misogyny in your comments, old birdie. We don't have a problem with a fairer sex, do we?
Stop squabbling, you two. I've just noticed that Dr Maroon has given me his top blogging award for 2005. OK, he's a jet-engine-maker not a literary critic, but I won't hear a word against him here. I wanted to post a thank-you comment in his blog, but couldn't because haloscan is up the spout.
Putting aside for the moment, the fact that the one with the specs was a lezzer the blond boy with the bandana was a latent homosexualist, and the cheerleader type looked like she’d do a turn on demand, we’re left with Shaggy the dope fiend and the dog that can‘t talk that good. I was almost agreeing with Tarzan when he ruined it by saying he admired that La Cicciolina piece. But we better not go back down that road.

So going back to Shaggy, for all his faults he should be considered a great human.

You don’t think there was anything unnatural about their friendship do you? Apart from speaking to each other of course, but then acid can get you that way sometimes.
Shaggy was a junkie? That's a new angle. He now goes up in my estimation for never selling the pretty girl to the bad guy for dope. The blond boy is a disgrace. He never even tries to kiss her. I don't think he's gay because he doesn't even shag Shaggy. He's just got no balls.
Scooby, as a great Dane, inherits the weaknesses of all Danish.
In the USA, the primary weakness of the Danish is that some of them are filled with cream-cheese while others are chock full of fruit paste.
Greasy to a fault, they are made from similar material to the croissant, but weigh upon your digestive tract as an anchor to a rowboat.
Therefore, I think your analysis is completely wrong, Gorilla. Shaggy has extremely poor taste in companions, and only a poseur would pretend to be a hippy yet wear solid colored shirts.
He's got good taste in Scooby-snacks, though. Have you ever eaten pet food, SafeT?
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