Wednesday, March 02, 2016
Stroke of luck
A 16-year-old Russian boy has won a prize to live with a porn actress for a month. Ruslan Schedrin earned this unusual – and some would say extravagant – reward for being visitor number 100,000 on a video games website. As one would expect, he is elated about his good fortune:
“I was so happy," he said. "I saw her and I liked everything. She has got good sizes... I am looking forward to our meeting so much. Everything is boiling inside me.”
Let’s hope his boiling innards don’t evaporate before she lays hands on him. His enthusiasm for this exhilarating prospect is not shared by his mother:
“I am shocked!” she declared. “I have not seen the girl, but my son must study.”
Perhaps Ruslin should promise his mother to study very hard when he is being taught how to unhook a bra strap. She’d be amazed by how much a boy can learn from a one-month apprenticeship.
Now the porn actress, whose name is Ekaterina Makarova, will be shacking up with her eager pupil in a Moscow hotel. The good news for Ruslan is that she seems to have taken a shine to him. Nevertheless, she is curiously coy about whether they will be engaging in deeds of a steamy and sticky nature:
“It’s not supposed, but life is life,” she remarked mysteriously. “It is a usual thing when inexperienced boys are looking for more experienced girlfriends. I don't know. At least we'll be friends – I liked him in the photographs.”
Reading between the lines, I think she realises how hugely disappointed Ruslan would be if she denied him the goodies in her candy box. Perhaps she is trying to keep the itinerary ambiguous to protect the boy’s reputation when he finally emerges from her lair. Her own reputation, of course, has no need of protection.
My main concern for the boy is that the dish may taste better in the anticipation than in the eating. The job of a porn actress is to give pleasure to the voyeur, not the witless buffoon who explores her orifices. Even if he does initially get a kick out of having his juices milked, the novelty is bound to wear off after a month. It may turn out to be the kind of unfulfilling experience that propels him towards self-stimulation with a noose around his neck.
When I told the manager of the safari camp about this story, he didn’t try to hide his resentment:
“No 16-year-old boy deserves to be that lucky,” he said. “When I was 16, I had to beg fat college girls to let me feel them up.”
“And I’m sure you are a better man for it!” I exclaimed. “Is it not more praiseworthy to toil honestly for the right to squeeze the boobies of a deliciously plump college girl than be presented with a jaded porn star because of a lucky click on your computer?”
He rubbed his face and sighed, but I believe my words brought him comfort.
Labels: disapproving mothers, fat college girls, porn actresses, Russia
