Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Nose insult

Do the Japanese want to have bigger noses? It’s a question I’ve been wrestling with ever since I saw a controversial TV commercial for Air Nippon. You might think that a gorilla would trounce any question in a wrestling match, but that would be making the cardinal error of taking a metaphor literally. Some questions are doughtier than Hulk Hogan and retire from the ring as undefeated champions. Can you tell me why humans who feast on ugly critters like lobster and shrimp won’t touch insects or grubs? I thought not.

At the end of the above-mentioned advert, a Japanese man appears wearing a blond wig and an artificially elongated nose – his intention is to show how the Japanese could change their image in the eyes of the world. Air Nippon had to apologize and withdraw the commercial after it was deemed racist. I don’t know who did the deeming, but I would guess it was a member of the Barry Manilow fan club. The advert changed my image of the Japanese, because I never realised they were capable of such tomfoolery. But graver souls than I thought they were mocking the racial features of Europeans, in the same way that Europeans used to mock Africans by blackening their faces and wearing frizzy wigs.

Air Nippon said they meant no offence, claiming that blond hair and big noses were considered attractive in Japan. Blond hair I can believe. It’s well-known that Japanese businessmen will pay extra for blond escorts. But do they really find big noses attractive? I suppose seeing an enormous honker might be an amusing novelty if you live in a country of midget-nosed orientals, but that doesn’t mean you want one yourself. Having your nose affectionately pulled by curious children is bound to get tiresome after a while.

Another anecdote of Japanese society may shed some light on this mystery. There is a couturier in Japan that rents out ball gowns and wedding dresses. Nothing strange about that, except that many of its customers are men who want to be photographed in their glamorous costumes. The store has an arrangement with a neighbouring barber, who will shave, shampoo and powder-puff these gentlemen before their photo-shoots begin.

“We concluded that men want to feel like princesses too,” said Hitomi Iseki, the 42-year-old manager of the Marry Mairee.

There are doubtless different visions of what a beautiful princess should look like, but I’m as sure as eggs is eggs that a big nose doesn’t figure in any them. The princess is a delicate, fragrant, dainty-nosed creature, not an atrocious harridan with a great big snout in the middle of her face. (The latter may be an accurate description of many a real princess, but we’re talking about the fairy story ideal here).

So, to humans of European ancestry I say this: the Japanese are not envious of your nose – they may smile at it fondly (and toy with it if you’ll let them), but they don’t want one like it.

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it's all part of a cunning plan to divert world attention from their barbaric whaling practices.
Sometimes I just shake my head and wonder what is going on in the world!!
I think there is something wrong with my eyesight. The Japanese guy in the wig looks like Richard Madeley and Barry Manilow looks like he turning into the Mekon from Dan Dare.
I had no idea that the Child Snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was such a desirable look... x
Currently, there's a play on Broadway (not off- or off-off Broadway--Broadway) about a resort in the Catskill Mountains that catered to men who liked to dress as women. A "guys weekend out" turned out to be something quite different. It takes place in the 60's and is based on fact. Nobody in the cast, as far as I know, is Japanese.
I can answer why we humans would rather eat lobster than an icky insect like a grub. Because grubs aren't filled with yummy lobster meat. lol
Billy: Don't your Inuits hunt whales too? Personally, I think it's wrong to eat any creature bigger than a cockroach.

Rose: A very fitting response, Rose!

Steve: Do you think it's possible that Richard Madeley's wife would run off with the Japanese guy? She might be quite flattered if he chatted her up.

Scarlett: I don't think Japanese children would have been scared of him, Miss Scarlett. They would have pulled his nose with glee!

Exile: I hope they shave and exfoliate before putting on those dresses. Who wants to see hairy, rough-skinned transvestites?

Mary: No, they're filled with yummy grub meat! Have you tried some, Mary? I bet your rats would love it!
I never quite thought of myself as having a big nose but maybe I do. The main problem is the boogers.
I dreamed of a woman with a big nose last night, she had loads of piercings in it too and looked much like the top pic...sort of spooky!
Is it just me or is it the bigger the nose, the less they function?
Good thing that member of the Barry Manilow fan club was there to set things straight! Your stories are always a nose above the rest!


RE: "men want to feel like princesses too"

Perhaps a little as lost in the translation because no guy (at least the ones I know) has ever said that. 'Pampered' perhaps but never 'feeling like a princess."

I don't know man. I love the Japaneses because they are always horny but they're not normal horny, they're super weird horny. Tentacle porn and Hentai and Bukkake everything else I've accidentally pulled up on PH. I might not share all of their eccentric fetishes perhaps, but I admire the hell out of the imagination that comes up with it all.
Jimmy Fungus: Having a big nose is actually better for dealing with boogers, Jimmy. Have you tried removing them with a spatula?

Surburbia: What an extraordinary coincidence. I hope you felt pity for the woman in your dream, because she sounds as if she deserved it.

Michael: You'll have to elaborate before I can offer an opinion on that one. What sort of functions are you thinking of?

Julie: Thank you, Julie! Do you have any Barry Manilow songs on your music player?

Cocaine Princess:I'm sure all the guys you know are virile types, Miss Princess. That's why they enjoy your company.

Scott: Yes, their porn has a peculiar flavour to it. Maybe their fishy diet is responsible. Do you prefer the noises their women make?
GB, you get the most hysterical comments. Your posts are a double treat.

We humans of Jewish Eastern European ancestry pay loads of money for nose reductions. Perhaps we should sell the scraps to the Japanese.

In my home town big noses are all the go.
Maybe it's a secret love of the story of Cyrano de Bergerac?
I mean the sinuses are bigger and they can't smell as much.
That is uncannily like Baz Man isn't it...

Well that's me off to Japan then Mr. GB. I have money to make...
Robyn: Do people still have nose jobs, Robyn? The very idea would terrify and astonish the Japanese.

Bin Hire: Really? Is there a prize for biggest nose at the annual fair?

Sarcastic Ninja: The Japanese wouldn't understand why Roxane didn't fall for Cyrano instead of that other fellow.

Michael: I never knew that. Has this theory been tested in a sniffing content?

Juliette: Are you implying your nose isn't petite, Jules? I refuse to believe it!
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