Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Dawkins honey trap

My friend Dicky Dawkins has been mocked and insulted for a tweet he tweeted on Twitter. I confess to feeling hurt and ashamed on his behalf. Many of you will have heard the story, which happened over a week ago, but I will recount it for the uninformed.

What happened was that Dicky attempted to board a flight with a pot of honey in his hand luggage. The pot was discovered in a search and confiscated on the grounds that it might have been used to make a bomb. This was obviously an overreaction. Dicky may be a scientist, but he knows next to nothing about explosives. If he tried to make a honey-bomb, he would struggle to get a fart noise out of it. Greatly cheesed off by the incident, he tweeted the following indignant message:

Bin Laden has won, in airports of the world every day. I had a little jar of honey, now thrown away by rule-bound dundridges. STUPID waste.

A lot of people then poured scorn on Dicky, pointing out that bin Laden was the instigator of more outrageous deeds than depriving an atheist of his honey. This loss, however regrettable, would not go down in the annals of jihad as a great victory over the infidel. Dicky attempted to justify himself in another truculent tweet, but no one was buying it. The stain of ignominy hung over his head like a purple toupee.

As an old friend of Dicky, I feel honour-bound to defend him. How would you like it if someone took your honey? Obtaining the heavenly syrup is no easy matter, because the bees who hoard it behave like maniacs if you nick some. The fear of being terrorised by those fanatical insects deters us gorillas from even trying to harvest wild honey. I get mine from a pot, like Dicky.

It follows that confiscating someone’s honey can be construed as a victory for bee terrorism. Bin Laden, to my knowledge, was never stung by a bee. He must have seen them as potential allies in his war against the West. I doubt any bees actually joined Al Qaeda, because most of them are female and would reject the idea of wearing a burka and playing second fiddle to the men. But tactical alliances between strange bedfellows can occur – never forget the Hitler-Stalin pact of 1939.

I don’t suppose my arguments will convince people who don’t like Dicky. A lot of his detractors will never forgive him for refuting their silly fairy tale about Adam and Eve. It’s clearly nonsense to suppose that the entire human race is descended from a pair of naked idiots who were deceived by a snake. Humans have inherited a natural wariness of those sly creatures from their ape ancestors, who never did anything on the advice of a serpent. Instead of sneering at Dicky for making an injudicious tweet, they should listen to his truthful words about the origins of humanity. And after doing that, they should grovel at his feet and sniff his toe-jam.

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I think your friend Dicky was right in his first tweet. Just because a murderer shoots and kills a man doesn't mean the razor blade cut he inflicted on a classmate didn't hurt. Yes Bin Laden may have lost the war but he certainly won many battles and the long lines at most airports prove it.
Little known fact: Honey is the only product produced by insects that we humans ingest. And yes, when the TSA can confiscate our honey, then the terrorists have truly won. Heh.
I agree with the comments above and with Dawkins himself. When we become scared of honey then the war on terror is already lost. We are living in fear. I now suspect that Winnie The Pooh had ulterior motives for stockpiling all that honey. Was he planning a coup d'état - to remove Christopher Robin from the 100 Acre Wood by blowing him up?
Honey? A Bomb?? Really????? I think they were highly over-reacting.
This section of Mr Bin Liner's campaign was always bound to succeed, based as it was on the collective human propensity for stupidity and dribblingly eager need to un-think. Indeed, as Mr Confucius once said to me while we were discussing Mr Big Lardy, if you're going to roll a big heavy rock for fun, roll it downhill.
The next time Winnie the Pooh has to fly somewhere, he is in for a shock. However, Dawkins has the funds to buy honey any time he wants, so I don't see what the fuss is. I suppose, the fact he is 100% certain there is no God probably makes him grumpy all the time, knowing he has to hoarde all the honey he wants to eat into one measley human spanned lifetime.
Before I got married, I used to date a honey pot. Let me tell you...she was EXPLOSIVE. (Ba-dum-bum. Thank you very much. I'm here all week. Tip your waitress.)
David: It's a victory for him, but I don't think he would have savoured it. He surely had grander ambitions than inconveniencing people like a Mosquito of Jihad. Maybe getting assassinated saved him a lot of disappointment.

Herman Turnip: You mean you've never tasted hornet's jism? Your loss, my friend. Do you think the TSA would confiscate honey if it was massaged into your scalp, like hair gel?

Steve: Winnie the Pooh was a member of a sleeper cell - nobody should be fooled by the dopey act he put on. He would have gorged on the honey and blown himself up in suicide attack.

Rose: I agree, Rose. There is no way Dicky Dawkins could have made a bomb with honey. You'd have to be a genius chemist to do that.

Sir Hutson: Do you know enough about the properties of honey to make such a categorical assertion? It's easy to talk about big heavy rocks when you haven't done your homework.

Jimmy: That's very true, Jimmy, he is a tetchy fellow. Did you see him get annoyed with Bill O'Reilly during an interview? I hope he has some kind of mystical experience which puts him in a better mood.

Exile: Was the honey easy to get at or did you have to unscrew her?
I may have missed the obvious pun that this was a honey trap, but hey ho...
did bin laden ever exist or was his persona created by PNAC to support the military industrial complex?

irregardless, dicky makes an excellent point.

I'm surprised Dicky didn't divide his honey into separate 100ml vials (he must have a stock of such things, being a scientist) and placed them in a transparent plastic bag - labelled as gorilla urine samples. He'd have got away with it. And there's me thinking Dicky's intellect (CPU+RAM) wasn't just used to antagonize the religious , tsss tsss
Though I usually don't get Dick, I understand the guy's sentiments, GB. I was peeved when airport security took my shampoo away.

Was that the interview in which the "you can't explain that" meme was born? I think Dawkins is also the one that coined the term "meme" ironically.
Don't think even Dawkins would go so far as to say he'd finally refuted religion. Repudiated, denied or contradicted certainly, but if he's refuted it, he's keeping quiet about something, which – as even his friends would agree – would be out of character.
"bin Laden was the instigator of more outrageous deeds than depriving an atheist of his honey" - there's every chance this might be my favourite sentence ever written. Bin Laden is laughing in his grave at a world deprived of honey x
Nota Bene: Dicky has used the "honey trap" idea himself in numerous self-justifying missives. You can't out-pun Dicky.

Billy: You mean the tall bearded guy in all the videos was an actor? I hope they give him his own sitcom.

Joe: Gorilla piss isn't quite as thick as honey, Joe. Maybe he should have disguised it as lube for his own personal use. I would definitely have believed that.

Robyn: You had every right to be annoyed, Robyn. Clean hair is far more important that indulging a sweet tooth. Dicky should have used you as his poster girl instead of whining about his wretched honey.

Jimmy: It was the interview where he told O'Reilly not to shout at him. And you're right, Dicky did invent the word 'meme' . What a silly word it is too.

Mnk: He's written a whole book refuting religion, but one man's refutation is another man's bunkum.

Scarlett: I wrote it just for you, Miss Scarlett. If bin Laden is laughing, the fish ain't laughing with him.
The honey bomb: An explosion of petals and sticky nectar. Whatever. He should have put it in his suitcase or split it into many 100 ml jars and put them in a plastic bag.

Gosh - don't people get bent out of shape about nothing these days.
I have to agree that taking honey was a bit of a lunatic act. A lunatic act in a lunatic world. Yep. The terrorists have won.
Yes, the terrorists won a long time ago. We live is a far different world now.

Have a fabulous day and thanks for visiting Comedy Plus. :)
Wether it's honey, water, jam, whatever...
Wether it's dignified men having to take their shoes off for the scanner or old ladies being searched because something beeped as they passed...

We've come to find all this "normal" and I think that Mr. Dawkins is right to be indignant and we all should be.

I just don't know which party's won.
The Bin Laden- or the Big Brother-side.
Both, probably.

Hmm, what a peculiar individual.
Loved this! I wrote a blog post about this too if you wanted to check it out!
Juliette: You make the honey bomb sound so delicious, Jules. I think I'd like to try one!

Al: Unconditional surrender is the only option. But who would we surrender to?

Sandee: Hello and welcome, Sandee. If the terrorists have already won, the war must be over, so that's some consolation.

Stephanie: The shoe-removing thing is really terrible, especially because a lot of people don't use insoles. That's why I mentioned Dicky's toe-jam.

Cocaine Princess: Are you talking about Dicky or bin Laden, Miss Princess? Both are quite out-of-the-ordinary if you ask me.

Jessica: Hi, Jessica. I read your post on the subject and thought it was harsh but fair!
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