Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Blog pictures
An anonymous emailer (ictits@yahoo.com) asks me if any pictures would be too distasteful for this blog.
“Yes, a picture of your head on a platter,” I reply.
An impertinent question deserves a facetious reply. As far as I’m concerned, none of the pictures published here is distasteful. Those of a sensitive disposition might find some of them disturbing or bewildering, but that can’t be helped. We live in a disturbing and bewildering age. It is better to look reality in the eye than nuzzle utopia in the groin. If you want to live in a fools’ paradise, go to Disneyland and play booty-bumps with Mickey and Goofy.
It goes without saying that the internet is overflowing with pictures I would never post here. I recently came across a particularly inappropriate one of the model Candice Swanepoel. It shows her in a state of undress with the head of a purring cat between her thighs. I suppose she thought the pussy-on-pussy motif was funny, but to me it’s a flagrant case of pet abuse. The cat may be snoozing contentedly, but it looks like a bigger twat than the one it’s obscuring. The feline gods have been offended, and will revenge themselves on mankind by spraying the suburbs with rainstorms of piss.
A nude photo of Miss Swanepoel not being nutmegged by her cat would have been okay, but I probably wouldn’t have published it. Human nakedness does not interest me unless the naked human is making a statement of some kind. An example of such has been provided by the actress Minnie Driver, whose naked form is displayed above. Apparently she’d received an unflattering response to pictures of herself on twitter, so she decided to naysay the naysayers by proudly flaunting her flesh:
“I’ve got a banging body,” insisted Minnie.
We gorillas prefer more meat on our females, but that’s not a criticism of Minnie. I believe there are men who lust after waifish women, possibly because it makes them feel bigger and manlier. Good luck to them.
Below is the kind of picture I most enjoy uploading – it’s of the actor Kellan Lutz making an arse of himself in front of a gorilla. He’s going to play Tarzan in another remake of the classic jungle fantasy, and his antics were an attempt to practise for the role. Little does he know that few gorillas have heard of Tarzan, so it’s very unlikely the silverback in the picture is thinking “Oh, what a good actor that fellow is.” From the look on his face, I would guess he is thinking “Oh, look at that man making an arse of himself.”
I wouldn’t say I’m hostile to Tarzan, but it’s never been explained why he wore a loincloth. No human infant brought up by apes would be ashamed of his genitals. I believe women found the sight of a man's dangly bits embarrassing when the first Tarzan films appeared, but don’t the women of today just laugh at such sights?
Labels: cat abuse, men's dangly bits, Minnie Driver, Tarzan
