Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Putin Prank
Poor Elton John! Having announced to the world that he wanted to lecture Mr Putin on the subject of gay rights, he got a phone call from a Russian wag who announced that the president wanted to parley with him. Naturally Elton fell for the hoax, believing that the caller was the president’s interpreter. The prankster subsequently produced a recording of Elton nattering away like a ninny. He must be feeling like a fairy queen who got goosed by a wicked goblin.
Now, it’s widely believed that President Putin isn’t too keen on gays and I’m fairly certain the feeling is mutual. The Kremlin often publishes bare-chested pictures of their steely-eyed supremo engaging in macho pastimes to impress his female fans. Apparently, the women of Russia drool over such images. I dare say many of them fantasize about rubbing hot oil into his torso as he stares moodily into the distance.
Gay men, however, are a lot more finicky about the hunks they adore. A leisurely perusal of Mistress Maddie’s blog suggests one has to be a virtual Adonis to be a stud on the gay scene. The members of this community could not be fooled into idolising a middle-aged politician with sagging moobs, even if he talks tough and has his finger on the nuclear button. You’ve got to be packing weapons closer to home to impress the gay boys.
I remember reading a blog post written by a high-class lady escort, who asserted that all the best male escorts were gay. She admitted to treating herself to one of these gigolos when she got tired of servicing pot-bellied men. She also claimed that he achieved an intense climax with her, emitting a high-pitched scream. Should we believe this boast? I suppose he might have closed his eyes and thought of Channing Tatum.
Much as I hope that the Russians will lose their queer-bashing habit, I doubt their country will ever be a suitable place for the gay fraternity. The climate is simply too extreme for men who like to show off their bodies. The ideal homosexual homeland would be a tropical island with sandy beaches, coconut trees and plenty of ripe bananas. The main industry would be tourism, with guests of all persuasions staying in five star hotels serviced by firm-bottomed bellboys. The cabaret and theatre would rival Las Vegas and Broadway.
Could Elton John be the gay republic’s first president? It’s not out of the question, but he’ll have to be more wary of prank phone calls. It’s amazing how people keep on falling for the same old gag. Back in my circus days, I remember getting a call from someone who wanted to know if my refrigerator was running.
“It is no concern of yours, my inquisitive non-entity,” I replied. “My refrigerator’s condition is a private matter, only to be discussed with a qualified technician from General Electric.”
The caller uttered a few expletives before hanging up in frustration.
Labels: Elton John, gay republic, gays, hoaxes, prank phone call, Putin
