Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Putin Prank

Poor Elton John! Having announced to the world that he wanted to lecture Mr Putin on the subject of gay rights, he got a phone call from a Russian wag who announced that the president wanted to parley with him. Naturally Elton fell for the hoax, believing that the caller was the president’s interpreter. The prankster subsequently produced a recording of Elton nattering away like a ninny. He must be feeling like a fairy queen who got goosed by a wicked goblin.

Now, it’s widely believed that President Putin isn’t too keen on gays and I’m fairly certain the feeling is mutual. The Kremlin often publishes bare-chested pictures of their steely-eyed supremo engaging in macho pastimes to impress his female fans. Apparently, the women of Russia drool over such images. I dare say many of them fantasize about rubbing hot oil into his torso as he stares moodily into the distance.

Gay men, however, are a lot more finicky about the hunks they adore. A leisurely perusal of Mistress Maddie’s blog suggests one has to be a virtual Adonis to be a stud on the gay scene. The members of this community could not be fooled into idolising a middle-aged politician with sagging moobs, even if he talks tough and has his finger on the nuclear button. You’ve got to be packing weapons closer to home to impress the gay boys.

I remember reading a blog post written by a high-class lady escort, who asserted that all the best male escorts were gay. She admitted to treating herself to one of these gigolos when she got tired of servicing pot-bellied men. She also claimed that he achieved an intense climax with her, emitting a high-pitched scream. Should we believe this boast? I suppose he might have closed his eyes and thought of Channing Tatum.

Much as I hope that the Russians will lose their queer-bashing habit, I doubt their country will ever be a suitable place for the gay fraternity. The climate is simply too extreme for men who like to show off their bodies. The ideal homosexual homeland would be a tropical island with sandy beaches, coconut trees and plenty of ripe bananas. The main industry would be tourism, with guests of all persuasions staying in five star hotels serviced by firm-bottomed bellboys. The cabaret and theatre would rival Las Vegas and Broadway.

Could Elton John be the gay republic’s first president? It’s not out of the question, but he’ll have to be more wary of prank phone calls. It’s amazing how people keep on falling for the same old gag. Back in my circus days, I remember getting a call from someone who wanted to know if my refrigerator was running.

“It is no concern of yours, my inquisitive non-entity,” I replied. “My refrigerator’s condition is a private matter, only to be discussed with a qualified technician from General Electric.”

The caller uttered a few expletives before hanging up in frustration.

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Well, I will never get that putin picture out of my head. But your scenario of a gay destination did wet the appetite. A very good friend of mine, who is Russian, finally migrated out of Russia because it has gotten so bad. For a while I was very scared for him. Lucky, he has a new life now and happy and safe. I would adore some of your circus stories sometime..........
I doubt that Vlad's photograph is displayed on many dormitories on a typical college campus!
"The ideal homosexual homeland would be a tropical island with sandy beaches, coconut trees and plenty of ripe bananas. The main industry would be tourism, with guests of all persuasions staying in five star hotels serviced by firm-bottomed bellboys. The cabaret and theatre would rival Las Vegas and Broadway." - sign me up for THAT! sounds like a fabu utopia! would you deliver the bananas, or eat all of them yourself?
Ripe bananas indeed!

Silly old Elton.

If I squint, really really hard until my vision goes blurry and stand ten feet away from that picture then I think I could mistake Putin for Tatum.

i don't think anyone in russia is brave enough or stupid enough to tell vlad that he has man boobs.
I find Putin's bare-chested photos to be strangely homoerotic. Surely, I can't be the only one!? What's their effect on primates?
Ewww, Putin? Really? I'd much rather do Elton John. I know that's wrong, because he plays for the other team, but at least he doesn't have man boobs. Well, that's not likely true. I quit. =)
Mistress M: Best wishes to your Russian friend, Mistress. I hope he has found a more cheerful place to settle down in. The circus stories are scattered around the archives - maybe I'll collect them together one day.

Pop Tart: His picture might be on a few dart boards in gay bars!

Anne Marie: I'd certainly eat my fair share of the bananas, but the bell boys would be all yours, Anne Marie. Would you tip them generously?

Jules: I hope you allow your bananas to ripen before eating them, Jules. Some fruit is better soft. You may want to down a few glasses of vodka before attempting the Putin-Tatum transformation.

Billy: Putin might not mind too much, but his bodyguards would show no mercy.

Exile: Congenial ape though I am, I'm not going to fall into the trap of agreeing with that outlandish notion! I doubt many gay men would concur, so what you've suggested is more fetish than homoerotic.

Robyn: I think you have to be a Russian lady to fancy Putin, Robyn. They know what it takes for a man to bare his moobs in their climate. Elton did once marry a woman, but now he's a happy wife who possibly wears a bra.
I'm surprised Elton would fall for such a prank. Everyone knows the only American artist Putin listens to is Taylor Swift.
Or Elton is British but I think he lives in Atlanta or he is in Vegas a lot.. well you know what I mean.
My favorite prank phone call is to a bowling alley:
"Do you have sixteen pound balls?"
"Yes. Yes we do."
"How can you walk?"
Wonder if I should try this on Sir Elton...?
But of course! I always prefer my bananas a little bruised and easily peeled so they melt in the mouth.

Clearly, the gay community has better taste than the heterosexual one.

And that Putin picture has put me right off my breakfast.
I think it's funny how Putin goes around bare chested so often. He's not much of an Adonis if you ask me.
"Would you tip them generously?" - not only the tip, but the shaft and balls too! (wink wink)
Jimmy: Taylor Swift is what Russians call a "devotchka", Jimmy. That means they will listen to her prattle away before patting her head and giving her a sweet.

Al: Elton would have you caned for asking such an impertinent question.

Jules: You certainly know how to treat a banana, Jules! Lucky old fruit!

Bryan: I do apologise! Maybe grapefruit would go down better than bacon after such a sight.

Mary: Indeed not, but his chest is still popular with Russian women.

Anne Marie: Your generosity would make them quiver with emotion, Anne Marie.
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