Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Playing politics
Don’t you just hate it when high-and-mighty politicians dismiss the concerns of ordinary citizens as not worth a rat’s toenail? This recently happened in Sweden, when a man complained to the health minister about a couple having noisy sex.
“You're my only hope,” tweeted the man. “Could you ban risqué exercises after 10pm?”
The minister’s response was arrogance personified:
“Sounds nice for them, I think. Good for their well-being and thus public health as well.”
In other words, the guilty couple could go on making a big hullaballoo during their mating gymnastics with the full approval of the Swedish government. One might hope that the minister’s flippant attitude would make him unpopular with the voters, but I suspect he has carefully weighed the electoral arithmetic. We can divide the Swedish population into four groups:
1) Exhibitionists who want people to hear them having sex.
2) Eavesdroppers who want to hear people having sex.
3) Light sleepers who are disturbed by noisy sex.
4) Heavy sleepers who are not disturbed by noisy sex.
If groups (1) and (2) outnumber group (3), the minister can be confident of winning more votes than he’s lost. The voting intentions of group (4) probably won’t be affected, because heavy sleepers are selfish bastards who don’t care about people who are disturbed by sounds they can sleep through. Such is the harsh and cynical world of human politics.
Now the minister attempted to justify his position by implying that having noisy sex is good for your health. You might think a health minister would be well-informed about such matters, but politicians have a habit of concocting any old nonsense that might win them votes. You don’t have to be a medical genius to realise that shouting your head off while exercising your loins will give you a sore throat. Instead of making you as fit as a horse, it will simply make you hoarse. Will the doctors of Sweden stand up to the minister and denounce him as a quack and a charlatan? The Hippocratic oath demands it, but unfortunately these physicians depend on the Swedish government for their livelihood. He who pays the pipe cleaner decides which holes are blown.
Of course, I don’t wish to imply that humans who make a lot of noise during their conjugal exertions always want the approval of an admiring audience. Those of you who have seen the movie M*A*S*H will remember the scene where Radar places a microphone inside Major Houlihan’s tent so the camp can hear Frank Burns gurgling into her body cavities. The pair were not pleased to be teased about their moaning and groaning next morning. Indeed, when Hawkeye Pierce asked one question too many about the terrain in Planet Hotlips, Major Burns had to be restrained in a straitjacket. You might think that placid Swedes would not be so easily enraged by such mockery, but don’t forget that their ancestors were Vikings. I would also hazard a guess that they make funnier noises than Americans.
Labels: arrogant politicians, Hotlips Houlihan, noisy sex, Sweden
