Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Playing politics

Don’t you just hate it when high-and-mighty politicians dismiss the concerns of ordinary citizens as not worth a rat’s toenail? This recently happened in Sweden, when a man complained to the health minister about a couple having noisy sex.

“You're my only hope,” tweeted the man. “Could you ban risqué exercises after 10pm?”

The minister’s response was arrogance personified:

“Sounds nice for them, I think. Good for their well-being and thus public health as well.”

In other words, the guilty couple could go on making a big hullaballoo during their mating gymnastics with the full approval of the Swedish government. One might hope that the minister’s flippant attitude would make him unpopular with the voters, but I suspect he has carefully weighed the electoral arithmetic. We can divide the Swedish population into four groups:

1) Exhibitionists who want people to hear them having sex.

2) Eavesdroppers who want to hear people having sex.

3) Light sleepers who are disturbed by noisy sex.

4) Heavy sleepers who are not disturbed by noisy sex.

If groups (1) and (2) outnumber group (3), the minister can be confident of winning more votes than he’s lost. The voting intentions of group (4) probably won’t be affected, because heavy sleepers are selfish bastards who don’t care about people who are disturbed by sounds they can sleep through. Such is the harsh and cynical world of human politics.

Now the minister attempted to justify his position by implying that having noisy sex is good for your health. You might think a health minister would be well-informed about such matters, but politicians have a habit of concocting any old nonsense that might win them votes. You don’t have to be a medical genius to realise that shouting your head off while exercising your loins will give you a sore throat. Instead of making you as fit as a horse, it will simply make you hoarse. Will the doctors of Sweden stand up to the minister and denounce him as a quack and a charlatan? The Hippocratic oath demands it, but unfortunately these physicians depend on the Swedish government for their livelihood. He who pays the pipe cleaner decides which holes are blown.

Of course, I don’t wish to imply that humans who make a lot of noise during their conjugal exertions always want the approval of an admiring audience. Those of you who have seen the movie M*A*S*H will remember the scene where Radar places a microphone inside Major Houlihan’s tent so the camp can hear Frank Burns gurgling into her body cavities. The pair were not pleased to be teased about their moaning and groaning next morning. Indeed, when Hawkeye Pierce asked one question too many about the terrain in Planet Hotlips, Major Burns had to be restrained in a straitjacket. You might think that placid Swedes would not be so easily enraged by such mockery, but don’t forget that their ancestors were Vikings. I would also hazard a guess that they make funnier noises than Americans.

Labels: , , ,

the time - 1979

the place - the apartment below mine

I was awakened out of a sound sleep by the couple makin' bacon.

"oh cathy, OH CATHY, OOOOOHHHHH CCCCCAAAAATTTTTHHHHHYYYYY" could be heard plain as day.

but I am guessing cathy got nothing out of the encounter, as she was silent.
"Could you ban risqué exercises after 10pm" 1- I'd be screwed....I'd never sleep good the whole night and 2- I never minded sex noises, if they don't go on long. This guy evidently never lived next door to a bunch of peacocks.

What is your stance of gleeful sexual noises Gorilla?
There are probably noise ordinances, right? You don't have to target any one activity if you have a general noise ordinance.

People should just have more consideration for their neighbors, who maybe don't ever ever ever get laid.
Methinks said minister is hoping for a noisy shag with a Swedish yodeller. Call me cynical.
I think the complainer's problem, GB, is one I know very well: sexual frustration. When hearing others going at it loudly, one's sexual frustrations hit a rapid and extended painful climax. Is that him? He's cute. Maybe he and I could loudly relieve each other's frustrations. I'll go to Sweden if I must - for the cause. I'm noble that way.
Now I just cannot get the image of a noisy Swedish chef doing the horizontal mambo.
Thank you for that.

they need more children. birth rates are falling and the other option is muslim immigration. but if the noisy couple are muslim, my theory goes out the window.
Anne Marie: Let's not jump to conclusions, Anne Marie. He may have been strangling her - don't some women like that?

Mistress Maddie: Human sexual grunts aren't much to write home about, Mistress, but some of the dialogue can be quite inventive. If you've seen sex scenes in French films you'll know what I'm talking about.

Nasreen: That may be true, but the man specially referred to loud sex, so he must have an issue with those kind of noises. Maybe he wants everyone to get laid in a soundproof room.

Jules: When asked whether he followed his own advice, the minister said "I am satisfied with my sex life". That doesn't sound very convincing, does it Jules?

Robyn: Yes that's him, Robyn! I thought you'd like him. ;) If we lived in the days of the Roman Empire, I would buy him for you as a house slave. ;)

Al: Would that be the chef on The Muppet show? Just imagine the noises he would make! If you sniggered, he'd probably chase you with his meat cleaver.

Mr Rosewater: Yes, you could be right - the Swedes need more babies! I'm not certain about this, but I don't think noisy sex is compatible with muslim beliefs. Not unless you're a djinn, anyway.
If that is a picture of the health minister, he looks a lot like Marco Rubio. The original tweet sounded like a prank, and the whole exchange sounds rather tame compared to what happens on Donald Trump's twitter.
Women make noise during sex? Is that true? Hummm...I'll have to look into this.
It's okay to be noisy as long as you aren't being so noisy that you're bothering those around you.
I would be abashed if I realized a third party heard that I was having sex. Or a second party.
Anemone wins the comment contest this round.
Jimmy: Are you suggesting someone lied to a government minister about being bothered by noisy sex, Jimmy? If true, it's a shocking case of crying wolf. I hope they give him a stiff penalty.

Exile: Some men may be too preoccupied with their own pleasure to notice the noise from their partner. Alternatively, the woman may be gagged.

Mary: But what kind of noises are bothersome, Mary? That's the critical legal point here.

Anemone: I suppose you should be grateful that the first party isn't embarrassed too. That would really throw a spanner in the works.

Nasreen: Thanks for being the judge, Nasreen. It saves me the bother of appointing a panel of chimps.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin