Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Pleading innocence

Mel B has announced that she is the only Spice Girl who has not slept with the deplorable Robbie Williams:

“Yuck!” she exclaimed. “He had been with my friends – I don’t want sloppy seconds!”

Mr Williams supposedly made an off-the-cuff remark about having bedded 4 out of 5 of the Spice Girls. I would have immediately assumed that Victoria Spice had evaded his evil clutches, but now it seems she has some explaining to do.

Mel B should hang her head in shame for making this information public. What a shocking betrayal of her comrades! The girls had previously been like members of a firing squad where one had a rifle with a blank cartridge. Any of them might not have participated in the terrible deed. But now we know for sure which ones have blood on their hands. This is not to say that Mel B’s hands are clean. She may not have allowed Robbie Williams to despoil her, but she’s certainly had carnal relations with other scoundrels and poodlefakers. Besmirching the names of your buddies is a futile exercise if your own name is already mud.

We must hope and pray that this bombshell has no adverse impact on the marriage of Victoria Spice and Mr Becks. Hitherto they have reacted to rumours of a rift by conceiving another child. Unfortunately, the spicy ovaries may no longer be up to the job. Another way of saving face would be to bribe a lookalike of Victoria to say that she was seduced by Robbie Williams after her mistook her for the genuine article. Stranger things have happened. I once saw a baboon mount a watermelon after confusing it with a female in the poor light. And Mr Williams isn’t the sort of fellow who would ask for photo ID before servicing a compliant woman.

It has to be said that sleeping with 4 out of 5 members of a pop group is nothing out of the ordinary. Countless women must have slept with 5 out of 5 of the Rolling Stones, although Marianne Faithful was the only one who admitted it. Some groups are harder nuts to crack than others, of course. I’m pretty sure that no one has slept with 5 out of 5 of the Jackson Five. Maybe Bubbles the Chimp gave it his best shot. In my view, the shame should be heaped on the individuals that boast about such dubious achievements rather than the band members themselves, who are probably unaware of being knocked over like skittles.

Perhaps this episode highlights one of the advantages of being a solo artist. None of Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends could have humiliated her by sleeping with a singing partner. The best they could have hoped for was a roll in the hay with one of her squad, which would have won them as much acclaim as sleeping with her hairdresser. Being a member of a group has its advantages, but it does make you vulnerable to infiltrators.

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that last group looks like a bunch of 10 cent whores! who knows where they have been/what diseases they carry!
I am actually surprised Victoria or Emma would have slept with that, that, creature! Nothing would shock me with Geri thought. I adore Emma, her music career is still going in England, and Victoria, well, she and her hubby are sharp as tacks. Even I'd do a ménage à trois with them.
This is the Spice Girls' own fault and Mel is a hypocrite. I recently heard a very old recording of her from way back in the last millennium in which she informs guys in song that if they want to be her lover, they've gotta get with her friends.
"No sex please. We're British!"
On one hand, GB, Mel B is smart for not bedding him. On the other hand, GB, she's not a good mathematician. It wouldn't be sloppy seconds she'd have with Robbie. It would be sloppy 5ths. And who wants that? Then again, I'd take it, but not with Robbie.
It sounds like a lot of work, but what the Hell, I'll give it a go.

Got their numbers?
Anne Marie: They have been wherever Taylor Swift went...and carry the same diseases I should imagine. Where could you ever get a whore for 10 cents?

Mistress Maddie: If anyone could arrange a threesome with Victoria and Mr Becks, it's you Mistress. Would you sort out your roles beforehand or play it by ear?

Nasreen: Yes I agree. Who else can they blame? I remember that song so well. It was the first time women told men what they had to do to get them into bed!

Pop Tart: A famous production, Ms Pop Tart, but not entirely suitable for the Spice Girls.

Robyn: Good point, Robyn, although I dare say Mel B could have been sloppy first if she'd acted with her usual alacrity. I'm sure you could teach the Spice Girls a thing or two about playing hard to get. ;)

TSB:If you treat it like a chore they'll go elsewhere. Even female pop singers have their pride.
I don't understand why Mel B would even bring this subject up. What was the point?
who is robbie williams?

i guess i'm getting old.
I, too, have no idea who Robbie Williams is. Except I guess he's a lucky guy? Maybe he has an excess of pheromones.
Robbie you absolute poodle faker!

I suppose one must give credit to Mel B for holding out when the rest gave in or is it just sour grapes because he didn't fancy her what with her being all scary. Robbie is a bit of a lad but I don't think he'd cope too well with a sparky Dom.
Cocaine Princess: I think she wanted to prove she had standards, Miss Princess.

Mr Rosewater: I don't know much about him myself. A singer of popular songs, they say.

Shoshanah: He would have to be lucky, because he wouldn't get that far through skill alone.

Jules: He has taken poodle-fakery to new heights, Jules! I fear Mel B will get more sour with every passing year.
Robbie Williams should be thankful for any port to dock into. He seems even more obnoxious than all the Spice girls added together.

I missed the cutoff on the vegan sperm girl, so this is late. While I think that she is not vegan by ingesting animal cells (sperm cells), the reality is that most of not all vegans ate eating animals whether they know it or not. The USDA and similar agencies worldwide allow a certain amount of insect, rodent, or other vermin parts to be incorporated in any processed food. For example there was an allowed limit of say 3 insect parts, a certain number o rodent hairs, or even a level of ground rodent allowed in bread before it was considered a problem. Another one I recall is that a sample o orange juice could legally have a certain number of insect parts incorporated before it was deemed unsanitary. Imagine the same in extruded meat of vegan sausages!
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