Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Dietary advice

Can you call yourself a vegan if you eat your friend’s semen? The question occurred to me after watching a video made by a 29-year-old English woman who says she is a vegan. Miss Tracey Kiss (pictured above) is justly proud of her flawless complexion, which she credits to a healthy diet of organic food and a daily sperm supplement.

“People are so weird about sperm when in fact a teaspoon is full of amazing goodness,” she explains. “I’d been feeling run down and had no energy, but now I’m full of beans and my mood has improved.”

She’s certainly full of something, but before any man thinks of making her an offer, please note that her nourishment is not taken at source. A gentleman friend provides her with regular emissions (in a test tube?), which she stores in her refrigerator.

“Every batch tastes different, depending on what he’s been eating,” says Tracey. “If he’s been drinking alcohol or eaten something particular pungent like asparagus, I ask him to give me a heads-up so I know not to drink it neat.”

Miss Kiss has a number of appetising semen recipes in which the taste of the raw ingredient is modified by various condiments. Perhaps she should share her ideas with a gourmet chef. Michelin star restaurants are always on the lookout for additions to their menus, and there is no surer path to immortality than having a dessert named after you. “Open-mouthed Kiss” would be a plausible title for the dish.

The mysterious character in this otherwise uncomplicated tale is the fellow who donates his manly secretions. The question I can’t help asking is: “What’s in it for him?”. If Tracey were taking an active hand the extraction process, that would be one thing, but where’s the fun in having to milk yourself like a cow? If a female gorilla asked me to perform such a service, I would tell her to go and molest a baboon.

A generous explanation of his behaviour would say that he is acting from the same neighbourly instinct that causes the resident of an apartment block to offer a new tenant a packet of sugar. But I am not inclined to be so generous. I fear he derives some sort of wicked pleasure from the thought that a nubile woman is gulping down his jism. A man who is proud of something like that can have little else to be proud of.

I started this post with a question you may have forgotten in all the commotion: Is semen a permissible food for a self-proclaimed vegan like Miss Kiss? I would say it’s no less of an animal product than milk, eggs or cheese. Perhaps Tracey would argue that it does no harm because the animal in question is not locked up in a paddock or chained to a fence. Yet if millions of women take her dietary advice to heart, who is to say that men will not be locked up in paddocks or chained to fences in the future? You can’t go around breaking rules without thinking about the long-term consequences.

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I generally take my semen straight up , with a twist. Its why I swear I have a youthful appearance.
@maddie - geeze, girl! I thought it was because you had a pix of dorian gray in your attic at the casa!

my personal thought - EW EW EW!
Some males provide the main ingredient daily to no end. At least that guy is making it useful.
the fresher the sample, the greater the benefit.
I used to try to convince girls my sperm tastes like birthday cake. Never worked. Not once.
Now she’s full of beans…hmmm…one way of putting it. She should stop being so prissy and take her nourishment fresh from the source.
Not vegan, no. But I wouldn't call her a cannibal.

My roommate told me that during famines, the prostitutes are the healthiest people, from all of the sperm they eat. I have no idea if that is really true, but it makes some kind of sense. No idea if they also have great skin.
Mistress Maddie: I'm sure Tracey could learn a lot from you, Mistress. Do you savour the flavour or gulp it straight down?

Anne Marie: Just think of Captain Picard and the Taspar egg, Anne Marie.

Pop Tart: Yes indeed, Ms Pop Tart, so much of it is wasted. I wonder if it would make good fish food.

Mr Rosewater: Is that what the nutrition experts say? It's about time the nailed their colours to the mast.

Exile: You should have bribed a woman to say it for you. Women listen to girl talk.

Jules: She actually says she's looking for a boyfriend, Jules. I'm wondering whether she's too picky...

Shoshanah: Do prostitutes actually eat it? I always assumed they spat it out discreetly. I'm guessing you've got to be healthy type to be in their profession.
I was gong to say, I'll have what she's having, but I like to know the origin of whatever I swallow. Call me fussy.
I'm assuming bc there is no harm to the volunteer aka sperm donor that she is still in fact a vegetarian how ever...How healthy could this really be? I don't want to get all nurse talk on you so I am gonna obtain from the reality of her sperm intake...but I would tell him to eat more bananas bc that the gorilla way!..and I am partial to the gorilla
"Can you call yourself a vegan if you eat your friend’s semen?"
I'm thinking "vegan" would be the least of my troubles.

BTW, you get a mention in my latest post.
Some people are so f*cking stupid and idiotic that they make Trump look sensible. She takes the biscuit (as long as there are no dairy products involved)
I think it depends upon the source of the semen, GB. If it's, say, Justin Bieber's, it's strictly vegetarian and replete with estrogen. If it's a more manly source like President Obama, it's strictly for carnivores.
JP: Would pasteurisation help?

JTILIS: Hello Miss, nice to see you back! I could give you a sample, but I can't guarantee it would taste like bananas!

Al: What's the worst that could happen? Your wife making you wash out your mouth with soap and water?

TSB: She must be smarter than she used to be given that sperm is supposed to be brain food.

Robyn: You could be right, Robyn, but I think Bieber would be more willing to provide samples!
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