Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Wedding planner

Perhaps I’m not paying sufficient attention, but I can’t seem to recall any show business weddings happening for a long time. Maybe the A-list crowd have finally realised that turning your wedding into a gala event makes you look like a complete ass when you file for divorce six months later. George Clooney did make a big hoo-hah about his marriage to Ms What’s-Her-Name, but she was a high-flying lawyer rather than a starlet. A man who marries a lawyer knows he will be subjected to a serious pussy-whipping if the marriage fails, so he may as well burn his bridges and go in with all guns blazing.

You don’t have to be a celebrity to have marital problems, of course. Indeed, the problems often arise before the marriage begins. I was bemused to read a news report about a German man who proposed to his girlfriend when he was drunk, at 4.30am in the morning. After sleeping off his hangover, he knew he’d popped the question, but couldn’t remember what her answer had been. A peculiar stalemate then arose when his girlfriend refused to tell him. In his desperation, the man placed an advertisement in a newspaper asking for eyewitnesses to the event. It included the following statement:

"Due to a large consumption of alcohol, I cannot remember her answer and she's remaining silent. Who saw the proposal and can give me relevant clues?"

Call me an innocent ape, but does a woman who’s been asked to repeat her answer to a marriage proposal normally clam up in this way? I admit it can be mildly irritating to have to say the same thing twice, but she must have known her boyfriend was pissed on the first occasion. There’s no point getting into a huff if someone can’t remember something. Back in my circus days, a clown forgot what he was supposed to do in a comedy routine we were rehearsing. I told him to bend over and kicked his arse. Problem solved.

If you ask me, the essential prerequisite for human marriages is the management of expectations. If a couple enter the matrimonial contract expecting it to resemble the ending of a Doris Day movie, they are bound to be disappointed. Far better to think they’ve been sentenced to a life term with hard labour and no parole. No one can deny that most marriages are easier to bear than prison. The food is better, the bed is more comfortable, you have regular vacations and sex if you’re lucky. Men who complain about their marriages should thank their lucky stars they aren’t residing in a high-security gaol, with a beefy looking fellow with tattoos on his arms as their roommate.

Truly, we earth-dwelling creatures have much to be grateful for – blue skies, sandy beaches, forests full of trees to climb, Doris Day movies to watch. Having a girlfriend who won’t tell you whether she accepted your marriage proposal is a minor inconvenience by comparison. Just say “whatever” and get on with your life.

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I'm not sure marriage is a viable proposition any more. true it IS better than jail, but what's wrong with being single.

(says the person married 24 years)
I'm all for a big gala or cotillion, but a huge lavish wedding is such a waste of money to usually like the bigger the better, but if I had a wedding it would be with a JP. Considering I go through men like tissue, some would tell you.
That's true... When IS the last time there was a huge Hollywood wedding?

Do people still get married?
It is really odd that she won't say what her answer was! Considering that good communication is the foundation of a good marriage, I'd say this couple is getting off to a terrible start!
ShE could just tell him to guess!
Well that marriage is as ill-fated as all the others, except perhaps Clooney's.
Anne Marie: Wasn't there a film called Single White Female? I don't think it drew the conclusion that being a SWF was good.

Mistress Maddie: That's very sensible of you, Mistress. You could even have a quick one in Las Vegas...once you find a man who's a durable pocket handkerchief. :)

Nasreen: There was a rumour that Shia Labeouf recently married his girlfriend, but that turned out to be sham wedding. Maybe sham weddings will be the new thing.

Shoshanah: The omens are indeed inauspicious, or will be once they get married, if they ever do. Perhaps they'll heed the omens and call the whole thing off.

Pop Tart: Suppose he guesses wrong, Ms Pop Tart? That would be very embarrassing for both of them.

Robyn: The marriage, if it still occurs, will be a parade of sulking and grimacing, Robyn.
If she wouldn't repeat her answer I'd withdraw the offer. Can you imagine being married to her? What a nightmare.

That's the best analogy you can come up with? It's better than jail with a beefy thug? It doesn't speak well for the institution.
Well, you might get sex in jail, too.
I'll never understand the female psyche - perhaps we with convex genitalia were never meant to.

I've been together with my lady for 35 years (29 of them as man and wife). I think the secret of enduring wedlock (now that's an interesting word)is to be best friends before you enter into the marital contract. Perhaps not the most romantic take on matrimony, but one that maximises the chance of sustained contentment.
Yeah, George. You didn’t think that one through did ya?!

I think it’s rather funny that this mans girlfriend won’t tell him the answer though it doesn’t bode well for the future. Germans have such a sense of humour….May as well call it quits now.

Nothing like sex in the morning ….unless you’re in gaol.
Ya know if she wouldn't let him know what her answer was then he could just leave her and find someone else. Why play games.?
If I was drunk and could not recall the answer to that question and the woman I asked became cagey, I would then assume NO and move on. A potential mate who does not accept the person for who he is at that moment is not going to make a good mate for the fellow. Now, getting drunk on the day of the proposal also is not a good strategy, and suggests HE was not as committed as he should have been.

Getting into a sloshy state of mind is indeed fun, but it is never wise if something important is going on.
Drunkeness is different from feeling pleasantly boozy. When pleasantly boozy, you would retain enough facilities to remember answers of such importance. True drunkeness is best reserved for inconsequential times.... such as when you are a guest at another couple's wedding reception. :) Then, drunkeness can help you pass the time while you tediously wait for your partner to want to go home. :) At least, that is what I find. :)
I recall Clooney got married in Venice and his bride was called Amal :)
My secret to a lasting marriage was figuring out that if ditched wife 1.0 and hooked up with wife 2.0, i wouldn't be any happier after a few years, just poorer. And i'd be dead broke by the time i hooked up with wife 3.0.
Exile: Well, maybe, but who can read the mind of a German woman? She might be playing some kind of kinky game.

Al: Yeah, but most people prefer to be conscious when it happens.

Bryan: Yes, indeed. When the flesh stops yearning, all that remans is friendship. :)

Jules: I'm glad you mentioned the German sense of humour, Jules. Do you think she might be teasing him?

Mary: That's one way of looking at it, Mary. Another way is that games can be fun. :)

Pipe Tobacco: Thank you for those thoughtful meditations, Professor. I hope those who imbibe alcoholic beverages will take note. :)

SlimEx: Ah yes, Amal! Her name was on the tip of my tongue.

Mr Rosewater: I would have imagined you were a stand pat kind of guy.
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