Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Telling tales

I’m no fan of Madonna, but I do take exception to Rupert Everett calling her “the Antichrist”. The Book of Revelation makes it crystal clear than the Antichrist will be an amphibious beast with ten horns and seven heads. Madonna may look like that when she’s having an orgy, but that doesn’t mean she can bring about the Armageddon and give Jesus a good run for his money.

He can’t get his story straight, because he also called her an “old, whiny barmaid”. This is no more accurate than “the Antichrist”. In my experience, barmaids are friendly buxom women who pull levers and push tumblers. Madonna couldn’t do that if she tried. Nor is she is particularly old for her age. The “whiny” part is more plausible, but how would Mr Everett know? You have to be pretty intimate with a woman to evaluate her whininess, and that’s not something he’s known for doing.

As well as calling her names, he told everyone this scurrilous anecdote about her:

“I went out to dinner with her and Sean Penn and she was wanking him off under the table. She was furious that I said that in 1985. So what? I thought it was rather romantic.”

I don’t blame Madonna for being angry about such loose talk. Her relationship with Penn was short-lived and she probably regrets having touched his todger. And Everett is clearly lying about finding it “rather romantic”. For a heterosexual couple to perform a sex act in front of a gay man is clearly an ugly, taunting type of behaviour. He probably flounced out of the restaurant in a huff.

Another reason for Madonna being upset about the anecdote is that it may not be true. Maybe she just playfully grabbed Penn’s crotch and the “wanking” aspect is poetic exaggeration. This is the perennial problem with show business memoirs. The author is under tremendous pressure to spice things up to make the book a best seller. No one ever made a pile of cash by sticking to the facts.

Tom Jones is one entertainer who would not need to invent stories for his autobiography. There are hoards of women who say he serviced them like a bull and they can’t all be lying. But he may not want to reveal the saucy details out of respect for his dearly departed wife. You have to respect him for that.

One thing Sir Tom is happy to discuss is whether he is actually a black man. He made the following statement to a British newspaper:

“When I first came to America, people who had heard me sing on the radio would be surprised that I was white when they saw me. Because of my hair, a lot of black people still tell me that I'm just passing as white.”

Last year, he announced he was having a DNA test to settle the issue once and for all. He hasn’t disclosed the results, but I predict that all his ancestors living 100,000 years ago were black.

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I never minded Madonna, and what is exactly wrong with wanking someone off under a table?!? Sounds to me that Rupert is just a pissy queen. Meanwhile Tom could have some black n him, if he did them like a bull. Lets ask Anne Marie when she shows up. SURLEY she did him once in her disco days.......
I had a professor once who had played in Tom Jones band. He had a slightly exaggerated opinion of how huge Tom Jones had been, I believe, but was constantly reiterating with us how all the women through their underwear up on stage when he performed.

Judging by the middle picture at the bottom, I'd say he is largely made of plastic and bits of botox. It's like my robot, Rosie always says: "Plastic has no race."
That dude is here in New York on stage playing Oscar Wilde. The production is supposed to be sexually charged and full of male nudity. I honestly don't think I'd go for free.

I saw ole' Tom sing in a casino one night long ago. It was a very fine evening. I've got nothing but charitable feelings towards the man.
my grandmother threw her panties at tom jones when he played the latin casino in cherry hill the late 60s...when my grandmother was past 65 years of age!

I was but a pre-teen when tom jones was a sensation.

@maddie - shut yo face, girl! :)
When does an affectionate squeeze become a wank?
Mistress Maddie: There’s nothing wrong with it in principle, Mistress, but getting wanked off often involves moaning and grimacing. That could put the other diners off their food!

Nasreen Yes, the knicker-throwing episodes are a huge part of the Tom Jones folklore. He was very big in the 60s, but waned quite severely in the 80s, before making a comeback in the 90s. Nostalgia may have something to do with it.

Exile: Oscar Wilde was a great wit, so I’m sure he looked better with his clothes on. It’s not so easy to be witty when you’re butt naked. If you saw Tom sing in a casino, it must have been at a low point in his career.

Anne Marie: Your grandmother must have been a very feisty lady, Anne Marie! Do you know if the knickers were soiled?

Pop Tart: My own view is that it takes at least 5 squeezes to make a wank, but others may differ. You need to get a range of estimates on this one.
My grandmother loved Tom Jones. I'd be interested to see what his DNA says. It's hard to tell where someone's ancestry might be from sometimes. I've been told my ancestors are from Scotland, Ireland and Germany. Maybe one of these days I'll take one of those $200 DNA tests to find out for sure.
Madonna wanks Penn off under the table and Tom Jones may or may not be Black? I'm just coming here for my news from now on.

Many think Babe Ruth was Black too. I wonder if anyone got to the bottom of that. Because I guess it really doesn't matter, after all. Black or white, both guys buried more bones than my dearly departed German Shepherd.
"Nor is she particularly old for her age."
Since I'm a month older than she, I thank you for that.
Now, I'd better get to bed.
To SLEEP. None of that other nonsense.
I'm nearly 58, you know.
Hello Mr. Gorilla Bannanas

I was hoping you could do me a favor. I noticed that when I go through my blogroll, most of my blog buddies are retired. I really only have three or so that I really like and share a mutual back-and-forth with one another's pages, and you're one of those people.

Would you be willing to tell me your top 3 funniest and nicest blog friends that you have come across who are still active so that I can branch out my blog network? In 2007 I had a huge crew! Hahaha.

If you could either write in my comments section some good recommendations of funny folks, or email it to me, that would be amazing.

-Dr. Ken
Unless I'm involved in the wanking, GB, I'm also inclined to equate it with anti-Christ-like behavior - you know, being a nice Jewish gal and all.
How odd... Madonna usually loves to have any publicity good or bad.. I am kinda surprised she would really be mad about this getting out... unless her pretending to be mad makes it more interesting.
with make up and plastic surgery old sir tom could be a martian for all i know.
Meh, he's just jealous that he couldn't get hold of Penn's todger. I'm quite sure, our Ms. In-yer-face Madge couldn't give two shakes of a ....oh look what I did there... what anybody says or thinks.
Mary: Everyone's granny seems to love Tom Jones. There was a time when grannies loved apple-cheeked boys like Jimmy Osmond. What's happened to grannies?

Dr Ken: I've heard of Babe Ruth - was he a drag artist? I could easily be convinced he was black, but not so easily that the pharoahs were.

Al: Madonna was much younger when she did that stuff under the table, but she's probably still game. I'm sure you sleep better than her, though.

Robyn: Yes, a nice Jewish girl shouldn't do such things under the table, Robyn. Under the bedsheets is a different matter. ;)

Jimmy: Maybe she's upset that Mr Everett didn't join in. Madonna is certainly vain enough to think a gay man might fancy her.

Mr Rosewater: He could easily pass for a Star Trek alien, that's for sure.

Jules: I bet they wanted him to get hold of it, but he refused to play ball, let alone cock-and-ball. Madonna must have felt spurned.
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