Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Telling tales
I’m no fan of Madonna, but I do take exception to Rupert Everett calling her “the Antichrist”. The Book of Revelation makes it crystal clear than the Antichrist will be an amphibious beast with ten horns and seven heads. Madonna may look like that when she’s having an orgy, but that doesn’t mean she can bring about the Armageddon and give Jesus a good run for his money.
He can’t get his story straight, because he also called her an “old, whiny barmaid”. This is no more accurate than “the Antichrist”. In my experience, barmaids are friendly buxom women who pull levers and push tumblers. Madonna couldn’t do that if she tried. Nor is she is particularly old for her age. The “whiny” part is more plausible, but how would Mr Everett know? You have to be pretty intimate with a woman to evaluate her whininess, and that’s not something he’s known for doing.
As well as calling her names, he told everyone this scurrilous anecdote about her:
“I went out to dinner with her and Sean Penn and she was wanking him off under the table. She was furious that I said that in 1985. So what? I thought it was rather romantic.”
I don’t blame Madonna for being angry about such loose talk. Her relationship with Penn was short-lived and she probably regrets having touched his todger. And Everett is clearly lying about finding it “rather romantic”. For a heterosexual couple to perform a sex act in front of a gay man is clearly an ugly, taunting type of behaviour. He probably flounced out of the restaurant in a huff.
Another reason for Madonna being upset about the anecdote is that it may not be true. Maybe she just playfully grabbed Penn’s crotch and the “wanking” aspect is poetic exaggeration. This is the perennial problem with show business memoirs. The author is under tremendous pressure to spice things up to make the book a best seller. No one ever made a pile of cash by sticking to the facts.
Tom Jones is one entertainer who would not need to invent stories for his autobiography. There are hoards of women who say he serviced them like a bull and they can’t all be lying. But he may not want to reveal the saucy details out of respect for his dearly departed wife. You have to respect him for that.
One thing Sir Tom is happy to discuss is whether he is actually a black man. He made the following statement to a British newspaper:
“When I first came to America, people who had heard me sing on the radio would be surprised that I was white when they saw me. Because of my hair, a lot of black people still tell me that I'm just passing as white.”
Last year, he announced he was having a DNA test to settle the issue once and for all. He hasn’t disclosed the results, but I predict that all his ancestors living 100,000 years ago were black.
Labels: Antichrist, handjob, Madonna, Rupert Everett, Sean Penn, Tom Jones
