Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Head to toe

Rod Stewart’s wife has revealed that her husband used to lick her toes when they first started dating:

“In the beginning of the relationship, when you're having a go at all sorts of things, he did that sort of thing in between the toes, which feels nice,” explained Penny Lancaster.

Normally, I would disapprove of a trophy wife revealing such specific information about her sugar-daddy husband’s tongue activity. In this case, however, I think the disclosure will do no harm. In fact, it may even do some good. Those who thought that Mr Stewart was a selfish lover who cared only for his own pleasure must now revise their judgements. If he was generous enough to moisten a lady’s tootsies, he may not be the bimbo-chasing buffoon he once appeared to be.

It should also be noted that Ms Lancaster is a good six inches taller than her husband, so he must have travelled a long distance to get his tongue within range. Some might speculate that she raised her foot above his face, so he could nibble at her toes like a centaur eating grapes at an orgy. That would have been a difficult trick to pull off, even for an ape. Let’s give Rod credit for making the arduous journey due south.

When I mentioned this story to the manager of the safari camp, he was less than impressed with Rod’s tender tongue caresses:

“You mean he just licked them without sucking them?” he inquired. “She must have been a disappointed woman!”

“Are you implying that all women like to have their toes sucked?” I asked. “It’s not something I’ve read in Cosmopolitan or Marie Claire. Where are your data?”

“Take it from me, they do,” said the manager. “Those magazines don’t tell you everything and I bet you haven’t read all the back issues either.”

Toe-licking is not something we gorillas do, but I admit I was once the involuntary recipient of this peculiar intimacy. It happened during my days in the circus, when a clown with a foot fetish snuck up on me as I slept in my hammock. Unfortunately for the clown, reposing apes react reflexively to ticklish sensations, assuming them to be caused by blood-sucking insects. While shaking my leg to remove the presumed bug, I delivered a kick to the clown’s head that knocked him out cold. Fortunately, he was restored to good health with smelling salts and some minor dental work.

The most notorious toe-sucker of all is Quentin Tarentino. As I’ve already referred to his ghoulish habit in a previous post, I won’t ruin your breakfast by describing it again here. I remember someone saying there were a large number of close-ups of the female foot in his movies. Is this really true? I find it deplorable that a film director would put scenes in a movie purely to indulge his own private fetish. It’s high time Tarentino got grilled about such abuses of privilege by a committee of pedicurist film critics.

Labels: , , ,

I agree with your safari manager. what's the point of licking anything if your not going to suck it? Meanwhile we should see what Anne Marie has to say on this matter. I hear she imbibes on this while enjoying a gin and tonic.
I've never had my toes licked; and I'm in my late 20's. Does that make ma a pedal digit virgin?
Of the stories I have heard about Rod Stewart... toe licking would be Rated G as far as his sex life would be concerned. But whatever, he must be doing something right because I think he is about 90 years old and still going strong.
never had this done to me, and I don't think I would like it.

@maddie - what's the point of a lollipop if you just lick it? NOTHING! use that lollipop to stir your gin-n-tonic, THEN suck on it! :)
It's well known in the music industry that toe licking helps your vocal chords. That's why Rods voice is so gravelly and he's still going strong. Besides, her feet are much closer than her face since she towers over him.
This is why I've painted my toe nails red whilst in America, Mr. Gorilla Bananas. I'm hoping that Tarantino will spot me and make me the next Kill Bill star.
the morning light when it's on her toes really shows her age.

oh penny, he couldn't have tried any more.
Mistress Maddie: I wouldn't blame her for that - some organs need to be combined with other flavours. Do you use any sauces or condiments, Mistress?

Pop Tart: I would rather say you have virginal toes, Ms Pop Tart. It's not something you can ask for, so you'll just have to be patient. :)

Jimmy: I'm not sure what a G-rating means, Jimmy. Is it "guidance" but not from a parent? You wouldn't want your parents to be present when Rod was licking his wife's toes.

Anne Marie: How can you be so sure, Anne Marie? I've heard of women having orgasms from a toe job. ;)

Jules: Your red toes look tastier than a lollipop, Jules! Tarentino would find them irresistible, so be prepared for a stint on his casting couch before getting the part!

Mr Rosewater: Rod has grown too old for that song and those lyrics. He ought to pass it on to Bieber now.
nope, sorry, not my thing. my "interests" lie elsewhere.
Several parts are worth licking and sucking, but toes are not anywhere near the top of the list.
There are men out there that have a toe fetish. They love seeing women's feet in stockings, open toed heels, open toe sandals and a nice pair of feet with pretty toe nails painted. The toe licking and sucking comes later after they've taking the shoes and stockings off and rubbed your feet. ;)
Licking the toes of someone 6 inches taller than you IS quite the FEAT, GB. I didn't know he was so agile.
Top tip for pissed off women: Ask your partner to kiss your toes and then when his head is level with your foot, kick him as hard as you can in the face.
Anne Marie: How about your ankles? I've heard a lot of men are turned on by a long smooth ankle. ;)

Jono: I suppose it depends whose list we're talking about. And whose toes.

Mary: You sound like a connoisseur, Mary! I'm glad someone here understands what it's about. Does the foot-rub involve stroking or should it be a massage?

Robyn: He must have hidden ape-like qualities, Robyn. He looks like one of the early hominids.

Mrs Table: That's not very sporting, Mrs Table! Some would say it's unladylike too. I hope you're not talking from experience. ;)
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin