Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Cyber flashing
A British woman has explained how she became a victim of an insidious new practice called “cyber-flashing”. It is painful to listen to her describe her dread and disgust when unrequested pictures of the male sexual organ were sent to her i-phone. How the villain who committed the outrage obtained her number was not explained. Maybe there is a secret i-phone directory used by such wretches to identify suitable targets for their wicked deeds.
It remains to be seen how much social agitation this new vice causes. If it replaces old-style flashing it might be a blessing in disguise. I’m sure even the woman who got cyber-flashed would agree that a picture of a penis is less menacing than a real one attached to a grinning, pot-bellied pervert. If men who habitually expose themselves send pictures of their todgers instead, they would be regressing to a milder pathology. Notice the analogy with heroin addicts who start taking methadone to escape the more deadly compulsion.
This woman’s story has made me aware that I, myself, was a victim of this abomination. I didn’t realise it at the time, because it happened several years ago, before cyber-flashing was an officially recognised offence. The pictures were not sent to my i-phone because I’ve never owned such a device. I do, however, have a public e-mail address, which is intended for fan mail or serious enquiries about the habits of the lowland gorilla.
Rather than pictures of the penis, I was sent images of the human anus in various states of dilation. I regret to say that a rectal probe was involved in some of them. The email address these horrors were dispatched from was obviously a makeshift one, but that didn’t stop me responding with sharply-worded replies which assailed the scoundrel with epithets such as “poltroon”, “guttersnipe” and “dung-sniffer”. As I should have realised, this only encouraged him to send me further repulsive pictures. Then I noticed the facility to designate email correspondence as spam, and further garbage was consigned to the trash bin.
Now the British woman who got cyber-flashed reported the incident to the police, who immediately launched an investigation to apprehend the culprit. I had no one to report it to but my females, who asked to see the pictures. When I showed them one of the grosser ones, they cackled like geese and asked to see more. Annoyed by their lack of gravity, I gave them a stern lecture about the horrors of indecent exposure in human society, which they listened to with puzzled faces. When I had finished my homily, they put the following question to me:
“If men like showing off their cocks, why did you stop us pulling down the pants of that wildlife photographer?”
(You will excuse me for quoting their vulgar language, which is essential to the anecdote.)
“Because not even the most reckless and depraved man would want to expose his cock to the likes of you,” I replied.
They stalked off grumpily, muttering something about “discrimination”.
Labels: anus, cyber flashing, female gorillas, i-phone, todger
Comments:
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Was it a genuine cyber-flash or a case of "wrong number"? It could easily have been an outpatient texting his doctor as part of a new NHS money saving procedure.
I have a girlfriend (A girl who's a friend. Not a girlfriend.) who says she and her gal pals all encourage men to send pic of their dicks to them. Then, they all go out for drinks, compare the pics and laugh at the guys. That's what really goes on.
Typical uptight British bird letting the side down. Ship her off to the colonies. She should have taken the opportunity for some serious, piss taking flanter. One carefully written sentence on the member would render it flaccid.
Anne Marie: Not every gorilla who appears here is me, Anne Marie! Do you think we all look the same?
Ms Pop Tart: Ah yes, I remember that oaf! But didn't he send the pictures to women he was wooing? That may not technically be flashing.
Jimmy: Are you implying that cyber-flashing is too trivial an offence for the police to investigate, Jimmy? That could get you hate mail from feminists. I'm not trying to give you a lecture, just warn you!
Steve: No need to bring money into it. If I were a doctor, it's the only kind of cock examination I would perform. But aren't such examinations very rare?
Exile: Your girlfriend is too smug for my liking. I'm sure I could find a picture of a dick that would shock her and her friends.
Jules: Thank for saying what I would never dare to, Jules. As Exile's comment indicates, different woman react very differently to such incidents.
Ms Pop Tart: Ah yes, I remember that oaf! But didn't he send the pictures to women he was wooing? That may not technically be flashing.
Jimmy: Are you implying that cyber-flashing is too trivial an offence for the police to investigate, Jimmy? That could get you hate mail from feminists. I'm not trying to give you a lecture, just warn you!
Steve: No need to bring money into it. If I were a doctor, it's the only kind of cock examination I would perform. But aren't such examinations very rare?
Exile: Your girlfriend is too smug for my liking. I'm sure I could find a picture of a dick that would shock her and her friends.
Jules: Thank for saying what I would never dare to, Jules. As Exile's comment indicates, different woman react very differently to such incidents.
I was flashed a few years ago on FM when a guy sent me a picture of his erect penis in a direct message. I got rid of him and am more careful about who I accept friends from on fb now.
You know GB, sometimes human can act like such neanderthals. You on the other hand have more manners & commonsense.
She explains how she became a victim, but not how the perpetrator got her number? I'm not one to blame the victim, GB, except in this case.
Vapid Vixen: If you have an i-phone, you may yet be invited to join!
Billy: Well it's in a good cause, no? Don't you eventually get used to it?
Mary: Did you comment on the picture before unfriending him, Mary?
Cocaine Princess: Thank you, Miss Princess! The credit belongs to my mentor Dr Whipsnade. I feel sorry for the poor Neanderthals.
Robyn: I have since discovered that her i-phone had an "Airdrop" sharing function which she enabled. It allows you to view pictures from anonymous flashers.
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Billy: Well it's in a good cause, no? Don't you eventually get used to it?
Mary: Did you comment on the picture before unfriending him, Mary?
Cocaine Princess: Thank you, Miss Princess! The credit belongs to my mentor Dr Whipsnade. I feel sorry for the poor Neanderthals.
Robyn: I have since discovered that her i-phone had an "Airdrop" sharing function which she enabled. It allows you to view pictures from anonymous flashers.
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