Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Face-sitting protest

Yesterday I got a phone call from Smacker Ramrod, my old circus buddy. After expressing the usual Christmas greetings, he asked me why I hadn’t written a post in support of the face-sitting protest that took place in London on the twelfth of this month.

“Your moral support would have meant so much to them,” he said.

“Did you go to the event yourself?” I asked.

“God no!” he exclaimed. “What if someone had sat on my face? The climate at home would have turned distinctly frigid if my wife had found out. She might never have sat on my face again!”

“A calamity you were wise to avoid risking,” I remarked.

The protest in London was against a new censorship law which bans various practices from being depicted in pornography produced in the UK. After biting my lip to steel my nerves I reviewed the list myself, and concluded that while some of the proscribed acts were unimaginably vile, others were merely the kind of horseplay you would see on any visit to a baboon camp. One of the forbidden deeds, as you might have guessed, was a woman resting her nether regions on the face of a compliant partner.

It seems that many of the women protesting in London were porn stars. I find it difficult not to sympathise with them. After enduring gruelling hours getting pounded from all angles, sitting on someone’s face must feel like a perk of the job. Furthermore, it is sexist and discriminatory to outlaw acts aimed specifically at giving women pleasure, while allowing men to indulge in all their favourite vices. When I told my females about it, they vowed to sit on the face of any man who refused to let a woman sit on his face. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

I'm glad to hear that an Italian politician is taking the issue of sexism seriously. Matteo Salvini, leader of the Northern League party, deplores the disrespectful ogling of scantily-clad women by so many of his shameless countrymen. To atone for this grievous sin, he has started distributing semi-naked pictures of himself to share the pain of Italian women. It’s too early to judge whether his gimmick will appeal to disaffected female voters, but someone must be looking at all the pictures he’s been circulating.

Why are statesmen like Signor Salvini never seen in American politics? Sex only becomes an issue in the US when some wretched scandal occurs, like the distinguished gentleman from New York texting photos of his distinguished dick. President Clinton has a lot to answer for in my view. The worst thing about his episode with Miss Lewinsky was that everything was done for his own pleasure, with no regard for Monica’s needs as a fresh young hoochie. If she'd been sitting on his face during most of their intimate moments, it would have put a completely different complexion on the affair. I have not the slightest doubt that America would now be a happier and healthier country.

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First? First!

God, I wish I had been named Smacker Ramrod. My wife's university friend named her daughter Jamie, which is normal enough, but she spells it J'Amy, which I find horribly pretentious.

The first time a girl sat on my face I was completely taken aback. I didn't see it coming and didn't know what the deal was. But I found out soon enough. They shouldn't ban it.

Poor Monica. Will she ever escape that selfless act?
merry christmas you magnificent ape!
Clearly, Monica felt the same. That's why she keeps running with publicity for having served the President in the Oval office.

Merry Xmas, GB. xo
Just swinging by to wish you and your troop a VERY Merry Christmas from Down Under and Off to the Side!
I don't blame you for not participating in the face-sitting protest... I can see how someone could become suffocated accidentally if the protest got out of hand. So in the UK it is illegal for a woman to sit on a man's face in the movies?? What a mockery. I can imagine these stodgy old politicians sitting around all night locked in with their dirty movies deciding what X-rated acts to ban. Anyway, Bill Clinton had a 67% approval rating in the midst of the Lewinsky scandal, and there wasn't even any face-sitting going on in that one...
With all that's going on in the world, I'm thrilled that "face sitting protests" are making headlines! I hopped over to the link, and was glad you decided not to post some of these photos on your blog!. Hope these women are able to do a big Victory Dance, in the privacy of their own homes! Merry Christmas Gorilla!

Exile: Well sometimes it's best to learn on the job. Did she give you any instructions? I hope Monica has since had lovers who invited her to sit on their faces.

Billy: Christmas greetings to you, Billy.

Robyn: Monica is still trying to come to terms with her public humiliation. I think she deserves more sympathy. Merry Xmas, Robyn!

Wendy: Merry Christmas to you, Wendy. Don't get too hot and sweaty in Kiwiland!

Jimmy: It's always been illegal in DVDs, Jimmy. Now they've made it illegal in on-line material too. I didn't realise President Clinton's approval rating was that high during the scandal. I hope it would have been even higher if he'd allowed Monica to sit on his face. Wavering feminists would have surely been more solidly behind him.

Julie: I didn't realise the pictures in the link were that saucy. I must visit the site to re-examine them! Merry Christmas to you, Julie!
That's pretty deplorable. But I would argue that it's not always just the woman who derives pleasure from the act ;)
How utterly ridiculous! What else have these buffoons banned? A man slapping his partner's face with his tumescent penis during foreplay perchance? Or is that still OK while a woman doing the same is hauled up in court on a stupid charge (of what exactly)? This new censorship is both sexist as well as stupid. And what of people who take delight in farting into the faces of colleagues and family? Will they inadvertently find themselves crossing a legal line?
So long as she's free of flatulence, I'd allow any female - ok, any between the age of 18 and 60, and no blood relatives - to sit on my face. Yet further evidence that I'm a modern man!

As usual, your post had me giggling throughout.

Season's greetings.
I don't mind if banning happens to be done for a purpose of making sure things like kiddie porn isn't passed around but to ban face sitting? That seems a bit ridiculous.

Hope you had a nice Christmas.
Is it not enough that they can vote? Now they want pleasure as well!?

Seconding Michael up there also.
I tried to start my own face-sitting protest, but I couldn't convince anyone to sit on my face.
Even Mrs. Penwasser.
That hobo by the Dunkin Donuts was willing to give it a try, but I demurred.
Bloody nora! Why am I never in London when these activities take place? I'd have happily sat on a few faces myself! Those concrete benches in-between Kings Cross and St Pancras are decidedly uncomfortable.

I wonder...were any of them wearing edible undies? Make a point and feed the world...just sayin'
Michael: That's a valid point, Michael. Would you say it was an acquired taste?

Steve: I reckon face-sitting was banned because they wrongly assumed it could never be consensual. You wouldn't be a credible advocate because no one would believe that a bearded man got any action.

Bryan: I can't think of a better litmus test for the modern man, Bryan! Season's greetings to you.

Mary: They banned it out of ignorance, Mary. They need to be educated by women of the world like you! My Xmas was fine and I hope yours was too.

Fred: I'm glad you seconded Michael. The future belongs to young men like you two.

Al: It's possible your ship has sailed on this one. Maybe your luck would change if you rejoined the navy.

Jules: I'm sure many faces would have offered you a seat, Jules! Have a look at the comments of Michael and Fredulous above to see what young men think about it. Doesn't that make you more optimistic about the future of humanity?
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