Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Nuptial news

So it seems that George Clooney is getting married after all. The lucky woman, if lucky she be, is a high-flying Lebanese lawyer called Amal Alamuddin. The London law firm she works for has been singing her praises most effusively:

"She brings a bright light to everything she is involved in and I am so delighted at her happy news," said the chief executive.

The danger for George is that she reserves her smiley face for work while lashing out like a scorpion at home. The woman who must be courteous and congenial in her professional life is all the more likely to box her husband’s ears.

Call me a soft-hearted ape, but I now feel sorry for Clooney’s ex-girlfriends, who were led to believe that George would never marry because of “commitment issues” or whatever. Now they know the truth: he thought they were too stupid to be his wife. These spurned spinsters must be feeling like airheads and bimbos, so I’ve sent an email to my mentor Dr Whipsnade, suggesting that he holds a summer school for them. Attending the good doctor’s seminars in philosophy, gastronomy and coquettery should help to restore their intellectual self-confidence.

Clooney’s fiancé comes from a small, middle-eastern sect called the Druze, who normally only marry within their community. George has reacted furiously to media reports that his prospective mother-in-law disapproves of the marriage on religious grounds:

“It’s a completely fabricated story!” he wailed, and went on to accuse the offending newspaper of “inciting violence” by “exploiting religious differences where none exist”.

The laddie doth protest too much, methinks. A statement from Mother Alamuddin herself would have scotched the rumour more conclusively, but I suppose the cat got her tongue.

It’s not the end of the world if George’s mother-in-law doesn’t approve of him anyway. He’ll be in the same boat as millions of other men, who manage to cope with the problem without provoking a deadly blood feud. If I were George, I’d try buttering her up with flattery and expensive gifts. If that didn’t work, I’d tell her to fly off on her broomstick. He shouldn’t say that if she really is a witch, of course. Many might be amused to see Clooney turned into a frog, but it would limit his acting roles to nature documentaries and romantic comedies with Kermit and Miss Piggy.

Perhaps George should have hired a committee of “relationship experts” to find him a bride. This is the concept behind a new reality TV show, where marriages are arranged for couples who agree not to see each other until their wedding day.

As a gorilla, I have a lot of admiration for this idea, but there is one fatal flaw: it is impossible to be sure that Human A will be sexually attracted to Human B before they have actually met. This has already led to one unlucky candidate feeling terribly let down after getting a husband she didn’t fancy. Is there a solution? I would allow them to sniff each other’s underwear before pairing them off.

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I'm inclined to believe Clooney's take on things - that his future mother-in-law does not disapprove over much. If her daughter is working for a western law firm she is already irredeemably westernized.
A bit of strategic flirting with the mother-in-law usually wins her over - I'm sure the "drop-dead gorgeous" George will have no problems in this department.
Didn't Nostradamus predict Word War III would break out when George Clooney finally got married? Or maybe it was the Bible? Well how do the 2 people in the reality show even know for sure they have never met, before they can meet each other to confirm they have never met. They may have bumped into each other once at a McDonalds waiting in line for their Big Mac, for all they know.
He said he'd never marry again! What a liar. I'm glad he's not marrying some chippy half his age. Glad he's marrying a do-gooder. She is hot, though.

That's funny...I suck the light out of everything I'm involved in. If she and I occupied the same room, the world would implode.
It's hard to imagine any mother-in-law disproving of the George. He's ridiculously attractive, filthy rich and, by all accounts, sweet as a six-week old puppy. There must be hope for the human race after all.

But.... he'll win her over. Clooney always wins
Mothers-in-law are very good at knowing which side of their bread is buttered. Call me a cynic but had the charming young lawyer fallen for George who works at McDonalds it would have been a very different story. Still, it's good to know honour has a price tag
I do not think anyone can figure out TRUE love. I think attraction is something different. My husband (God rest his soul) had told me that he knew he would marry me from the first day after he had spent a few hours talking to me. I was not so attracted and it took a while for me to be attracted. He sang songs while playing a guitar, wrote poems to me, took me on picnics, made me a beaded necklace, and generally just wooed me. When he proposed to me, I accepted with insisting we be engaged for a year before marrying. He figured out to the day how long a year was! He turned out to be my soul mate.
Steve: That doesn't mean she's happy about her daughter marrying outside her community. You're thinking like a typical secular westerner. It takes more than a beard to understand the Levantines.

Bryan: You could be right, but I'm not sure George is any good at flirting. He's more of a guy's guy.

Jimmy: Nostradamus has gone out of fashion, Jimmy. He predicted Armageddon in 1999, but it didn't happen. Would you marry a woman you met queuing up for a Big Mac? I don't think women are at their best in such situations.

Exile: You think she's hot? I've heard that American men prefer women with strong noses. Is that true? If you suck the light out of everything, it means you're a Black Hole.

Scott: So you think George is invincible? You're very patriotic, but the middle-eastern mindset may be a challenge beyond him.

Joe: If George worked at McDonalds, someone would have kicked his ass for even looking at Miss Alamuddin. Even with all his money it's going to be an uphill battle.

Rose: That's a beautiful courtship story, Rose. Did your mother approve of him?
Gorilla, being that I eat Big Macs it would be kinda hypocritical of me not to marry a woman for eating them.
so did george finally find someone he likes more than himself?

i really doubt it.
The underwear test doesn't always work. Of course they would make a special effort to put on a fresh pair that day. As for George, his first wife has a role on Mad Men. I don't think that it was her brain that faded.

Looks like they have a couple of Kotex pads over their eyes.
Just hope they weren't used.
Okay, that was too much even for me.
I see what you're saying with all his exes pissed that he is getting married when he claimed he never would while they were dating him. When people say "it's not you, it's me," it's really you. Every time.

But I'm happy for The Clooney! He seems like a good dude, very funny.
Nothing about this makes sense to me, GB. For one, why would he make a legal case of the MIL "inciting violence"? Isn't that every Mother-in-Law's first and foremost duty?
I give this marriage 6 months max.
Jimmy: OK, but can a woman look feminine or cute while eating a Big Mac? Maybe you should take some photos the next time you're in McDonalds restaurant. You could publish them as a research project and win a lot of recognition.

Billy: I doubt it too, but maybe he's settling!

Julie: They're not supposed to be fresh, Julie! The active hormones are in the sweat! I know very little about George's first wife - didn't she put him off marriage?

Al: Google "John Lennon kotex" and you'll find something interesting.

Dr Ken: I suppose it's quite admirable than Clooney chose an intelligent woman, but it seems like she ticked all the boxes rather than winning his heart - if indeed he has one.

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, it's not just his mother-in-law he has to worry about! Family honour is a life-and-death matter in that part of the world. I think she'll be the one who gets disillusioned first.
Obviously Amal Alamuddin had a little something extra that George's exes didn't have that made George wanna pop the question.

Is there any type of reality show they won't film these days?
I have a feeling if the fiance is working here and living here than she probably already knows what she wants and has no problems with their relationship and her mother probably doesn't either. People have too much time on their hands when they are trying to figure out other peoples relationships.
When I first read this I thought it said...Lesbian Lawyer. That would have been far more fun, wouldn't it!

Well don't they make a pretty couple.

Reality TV is getting more stupid as time goes by.

Jules :)
BREAKING NEWS: Man, previously resistant to marriage, decides to get married.

May they have many happy years to come.
Unrelated but possibly of interest:

And i'm back again. Can't keep away from hot gorillas, it seems.

I bring news: I now have follow buttons on my new site - hoorah - and you can now add me to your reader. My RSS feed -
Thanks :)
I have petitioned my MP to make it law that a woman can be either smart or beautiful, not both. This is to give women some positive discrimination. Of course, there will be plenty who are disqualified on both counts; but hey-ho.
I did.
And Mrs. Penwasser makes fun of what I wear.
Cocaine Princess: I think the extra something is in her mind rather than her body, Miss Princess. But who knows?

Mary: I believe her mother is in Lebanon, Mary. I wouldn't want to guess what's she thinking, but she might have wanted her daughter to marry a Druze.

Jules: I wish George had fallen for lesbian lawyer - she would have settled his hash in 5 minutes. I was already following you, Jules. I have my own mysterious ways of keeping on your trail. :)

Ninja: Apparently he has been married before, Ms Ninja. The memory of his suffering must have dimmed. But as you say, let's hope it's different this time.

Steve: I'm very pleased to see you doing research on your own initiative. I may yet take you as a student.

Mrs Table: Nature is so unfair, Mrs Table. Personal charm is another resource which is very inequitably distributed.

Al: I'm sure Mrs Penwasser could teach Yoko Ono a thing or two.
If even Clooney's getting married what hope do I have.
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