Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Raunchy in Rio

Justin Bieber is getting naughtier and naughtier. The randy rapscallion was seen leaving a bawdy house in Rio with two courtesans in tow. His attempt to disguise himself by putting a sheet over his head was not successful. The paparazzi identified him by the tattoo on his wrist and the boner in his pants.

How will the Beliebers react to their idol’s latest escapade? I hope they forgive him. What Justin did was much better than having sex with a groupie, who might have tricked him into impregnating her. Something about Bieber tells me he’s not quite ready for fatherhood. The hair on his body isn’t quite bushy enough.

I’m not sure why he needed two escorts, though. When I asked the manager of the safari camp, he said:

“Bieber wants people to think he’s a real stud – a Texas Ranger who rides with a spare horse that he’ll jump on when the first one tires. He doesn’t fool me. I reckon he wanted the whores to treat him like a slave boy, stripping him naked and haggling over his body while they inspected it.”

Could this be true? It sounds like a service provided by prostitutes who’ve been to drama school, to say nothing of a stint in a livestock market. Who really knows what happened? We can speculate until the cows stop farting, but it isn’t even certain that deeds of a sexual nature occurred. Maybe Bieber just wanted to have a pillow fight with the girls because he thought they’d be easy to beat. I hope they went easy on him.

If you ask me, what Justin needs is a surrogate big sister – someone who’ll be his chaperone and only let him consort with harlots of good character. I can’t think of a better person for the job than Lady Gaga. Don’t be fooled by her brazen antics, which are only for show, to keep her in the limelight while upstaging her rivals and confounding her critics. If you want to make a name for yourself in show business, you’ve got to be outrageous and keep pushing the envelope. I did many extravagant things during my circus career, but does that make me a bounder? “Mais non!” as a Frenchman would say.

In a recent BBC interview, Lady Gaga said “I don’t find myself sexy”. It's an admirably modest statement, which proves she's unusually free of narcissism for a diva of popular music. It would also be the perfect riposte to anyone who told her to go and fuck herself. For this reason alone, it deserves to be added to the Book of Famous Quotations, if such a book exists.

You can see what Gaga is really like by the way she treats her poodle Fozzi. Never has a dog profited so much from the human mothering instinct. If Bieber were delivered into her custody, we’d see a very different young man emerge. One that was fully house-trained, like Fozzi, and wouldn’t visit whorehouses in front of the world’s press.

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What's to forgive? Since when was Bieber a paragon of virtue or a little whoopee with prostitutes such a hideous crime? After cavorting with prostitutes, I doubt Bieber would be satisfied with replacing Gaga's poodle and receiving the same affection.
the biebs rocks! 20 year old multi millionaires should be out raising hell and chasing skirt.
Justin is the perfect example of somebody who has an insatiable craving for attention. If you ask me (and I'm sure you are), this sort of behavior borders on the pathological. He's like those people you see on Hoarders who can't control their addiction. And when the money and the fame dries up, he's going to have a tough time adjusting to a "normal" life. I can foresee a grim future for Mr. Beebs...
Justin Bieber, the most famous kid singer of our time, has to pay to have sex. Good to know Brazilian woman have standards. I kind of feel sorry for the sex-workers he hooked up with. I hope he paid them loads of cash.

Plus Lady Gaga could keep him on a tight leash when letting him play in the park and rub his nose into his own crap when he shits on the carpet. Win-win.
He could probably take some lessons from Wayne Rooney...
Can you imagine! All that cash and freedom and walks around dressed like a ghost. What a waste! It's good to see he's handling his celebrity well.

He probably paid a premium for that pillow fight. That costs extra. I mean...that's what I hear.
David: I'm no expert on Bieber, but I think he used to have a squeaky clean image and only became a bad boy when the Gomes girl dumped him. I don't have a problem with him hiring hookers, but what will the teenage girls who buy his music think? He must have had a reason for putting a sheet over his head!

Billy: It's patriotic of you to cheer him on, but your opinion is commercially irrelevant unless you buy his muic.

Herman Turnip: Bieber needs to hear your grim and pessimistic diagnosis. It's not too late for him to turn over a new leaf. Maybe he should consider missionary work.

Robyn: You're right, Robyn, they deserve to be handsomely remunerated for going to his hotel room. I hope he let them play with his train set. Do you think they'll share a few fun details with the newspapers?

Steve: Is that how dogs are house-trained? It seems a bit harsh, but I suppose you've got to be firm or they won't learn their lesson. Bieber would take whatever Lady Gaga dished out - he knows she's superior to him.

Nota Bene: Wayne Rooney could teach him how to appreciate women old enough to be his mother. But what could he give Wayne in return? Singing lessons?

Exile: I'm glad you've begun to appreciate that being rich and famous is no picnic. Can you imagine how humiliated he'd feel if the girls beat him in the pillow fight? He'd have to buy their silence for the rest of his life.
I don't have a clue what teenage girls think so can't comment on that. Bieber wanted to be seen, didn't he? If not, why didn't he just send one of his assistants to pick up the girls?
Alright well, this is a serious matter, so a serious comment is called for. The Biebs has demolished his squeaky clean image and is dipping in popularity. Miley Cyrus did the same but seems to be soaring. Why? It's about the music. Bieber's last 5 singles were duds. Miley's recently released tunes were pretty good. So what Justin needs is for Lady Gaga to write him some good songs more than anything.
Your explanation makes much more sense than what I thought when i first saw the picture:
That some dude was trying to bugger Casper the Friendly Ghost.
I don't care much for Mr. Bieber, and it's not because he's a narcissistic pissant. I can't even be bothered that he was carried up the Great Wall of China or that he thinks Anne Frank would have been a Belieber. My biggest beef with him is that he does not make any memorable music. Take a trollop like Ms. Miley Cyrus. There's a girl who is all over the media for her antics, yet she still sings a pop ditty with which you can tap your foot. Give me Ms. Cyrus over Mr. Bieber any day of the week.
Given his huge female fan base, why would he need to pay for sex unless the Biebs is trying to re-invent him and shed that 'wholesome little boy image.' If that's the case, he's going about it the wrong way. Have you heard the latest about him? Apparently he said he met the President of Mexico but the President is denying a meeting between him and Justin ever occurred.
I'm more interested in these extravagant things you did during your circus career to make a name for yourself, GB.

**gives you a looong stare**
Bieber should just man up and do all his whore mongering with no shame whatsoever. Walk out of that whore house like a man, Beebs. Like a man!!!!
David: Maybe he wanted to inspect the merchandise before hiring it, David. Wouldn't you do the same if you were renting an appliance for the home?

Jimmy: I'm taking your word for this, Jimmy, because I've never listened to a Bieber song. Another reason might be that Miley is trying to entertain us with her bad girl act, whereas the Biebs really wants to be a bad boy. That makes him looks like a young man with issues.

Al: I'm glad you didn't think some guy was trying to bugger Bieber. That would have been an evil thought.

Chris: I haven't listened to their music, but I agree with you nevertheless. Miley is much funnier than the Biebs and a cut above him as an entertainer.

Cocaine Princess: Maybe he trusts call girls not to kiss and tell, Miss Princess. As for the president of Mexico, Bieber probably confused him with some dude in a sombrero.

Leni: Haven't I already told you, Leni? *Returns long stare with interest*

Dr Ken: That's great advice, Dr Ken. He should have kissed those hookers in public too! On the lips!
Yes. And show up to his next show with open sores on his lips. Just so long as he doesn't kiss any babies . . .

You have told me a number of interesting things since we met, GB, but not these particular ones...

*gives you a knowing smile and winks at you*
Did you miss me, GB? ;)
Is Justin Bieber still a thing?? Boy am I glad I have no tv...
Dr Ken: I'm more worried about him kissing his monkey.

Leni: You were sorely missed by all your buddies, Leni.

Mich: He's trying to be a wild thing, but not quite succeeding.
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