Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Forced pleasure

A female charity executive who allowed her boss to hypnotise her is claiming that he fondled her bosom and repeatedly brought her to orgasm by means of hypnotic suggestion. Seeking redress for this gross abuse of trust, Ms Susan Patroski is suing her former employer for five million dollars. 

When I told the manager of the safari camp about this case he was astonished. “She wants five million dollars for having an orgasm!” he exclaimed. “How much would she want for a trip to the moon and back? Ten million?” 

“You are forgetting that he felt up her boobs before tricking her into climaxing,” I replied. “The ends do not justify the means, and the chest of a hypnotised woman is a forbidden zone in both law and common morality.” 

“Fine!” barked the manager. “Let her do to him what he did to her. I bet he wouldn’t mind if she fondled his chest and gave him an orgasm.” 

“That’s how Solomon and Sheba settled their lawsuit in 970 BC, isn’t it?” I remarked. “It’s a pity you’re not the man’s lawyer so you could dazzle the courtroom with your brilliant legal insights.” 

Detecting a hint of sarcasm in my remarks, the manager blew a small raspberry and went off to play with his remote-controlled Barbie doll. Much as I abhor his crass opinions, I find myself agreeing with him that this dispute does not belong in a courtroom. Can any sum of money, no matter how large, ever compensate a woman for being forced to have an orgasm? Even five million bucks would never wipe away the shame of being made to moan ecstatically while waves of toe-curling rapture wash over her quivering body. Once again, it seems that a rapacious law firm has persuaded a woman to pursue litigation that will bring her no satisfaction in the long run. 

The other problem, of course, is that Ms Patroski has now revealed to the world that she has no control over her climaxes. Although this is not the worst condition in the world, perhaps being the opposite of frigidity, it does make her a tempting target for fiends and perverts. Speaking as a former circus ape, I can assure you that the dwarves I knew would have been creaming their tights at the thought of getting into a confined space with Ms Patroski. Although small in stature, they preferred normal-sized women and had fingers that could poke holes in a watermelon. 

Had I been Ms Patroski’s confidant, I would have advised her to seek justice by other means. For example, she could have hired one of those detective agencies that secretly film adulterous liaisons, and instructed them to make a video of her boss masturbating. Threatening to make the footage public would have surely persuaded him to apologise and perform appropriate acts of penance. I should imagine he would have shaved his head and pierced his nipples to avoid having his exertions displayed on the internet. Checking thy body may amend thy soul, as we say in the jungle

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It's not so much the hypnotism that worries me, it's the waking up and realising that I've been having it in front of an audience.
I'm sure Ms Patroski will feel a right tit when she ends up getting screwed by the lawyers.
I bet Paul McKenna could shift more than a few hypnosis CDs if he produced one that could do that ;)
A female getting the best of both worlds, l bet Germaine Greer is rubbing her hands in delight. On the plus side, l bet that man has no trouble keeping his ladies happy ;)
Seems like I've heard one like this before... from a very reputable source.
What is this guy's phone number? Ha.
hypnotized.... Riiiiiiiight. Who wouldn't want a good fondle and orgasm in the middle of a boring workday?
Well, she is a charity exec. Damn, now I know what job title to strive for.
Do you happen to have the number of this hypnotizing CEO? Just wondering.
Madame Defarge: Just make sure you go under in room too small for an audience, Madame D. One wouldn't want people judging your performance.

Kyknoord: And a left tit as well, perhaps.

Kitty: Do you think it could be done with a voice alone, Kitty? I'm not sure anyone's that good.

Lady of the Manor: Let's not count our chickens, milady, she's not yet been paid any damages. Do you think Germaine Greer is delighted by much these days?

Svelk: Well remembered, although that man used his fingers, which is cheating.

Ms Wannabe: Do you think he could make it happen for you over the phone? He must have some voice.

Auri: She says she couldn't believe he'd done it to her because he was her friend. Seems pretty friendly to me....

Robyn: A worthy occupation like that deserves a few fringe benefits.

Ms Vodka: You don't need him, Ms Vodka! A girl like you deserves a hands-on approach.
Where can I get a remote controlled Ken doll GB?
If she really was hypnotised, how does she know that this happened? A security video perhaps? I'm pretty sure that any decent hypnotist can make sure you don't remember what happened while you were under. Silly perverted boss.

Brooke x
I wish I had a "magic couch", mine just sits there under my ass when I watch TV... I don't feel a thing. Rip-off!!
"Although small in stature, they preferred normal-sized women and had fingers that could poke holes in a watermelon. "

I don't know why people always say such things about dwarves (and reading it on your blog almost makes me wonder if it could be true.... although I would be highly suspicious of any dwarf offering to prove it! ;-))
I like my women the way I like my t-shirts - baggy, off-white and with no more than the standard apertures.

Just thought you ought to know.
I preferred the old days when hypnotised women just cooked you a nice meal and then did the washing-up.
The hypnotising boss can always hypnotise the judge for a favourable verdict if things go wrong. What did you think???
Nursemyra: I don't know Nursie. I think they come in self-assembly packs.

Brooke: I think some experiences are unforgettable even under hypnosis, Brooke. Maybe you should try it yourself and see what happens,

Robert: How about a couch with a motor that could give your butt a good massage?

Eve: You'd be right to be suspicious, Eve. He'd be a terrible show-off to waste a good water melon by poking holes in it.

My Boyo: In other words, a woman with plenty of legroom who can keep things in focus. I can't fault your pragmatism.

Indie Pop: Yes, that's what Fanny Cradock did when she was hypnotized. Her orgasm was indistinguishable from an asthma attack.

Leni: Judges are probably easier to bribe than hypnotize, but he could always have another pop at Ms Patroski when she's giving evidence.
you're right as always, GB :)
Eh she is just using hypnotism as an excuse because she got caught doing the boss and that is the quickest lie she could think of.
If so, there is a good chance she'll break under cross-examination.
I've paid more for less.
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