Wednesday, July 05, 2017
Shaping up
The manager of the safari camp is away on a business trip, so his wife is advising me on what to blog about. She suggests I comment on an article about a scientific study investigating what type of breasts men prefer:
“They found that most men desire women with perky boobs,” she tells me. “As a gorilla, you know very well that the real test of a tit is how much milk it produces. Why don’t you educate your readers about the foolishness of men?”
“A most fascinating topic,” I reply. “But I try to avoid preaching sermons in my blog. You can’t really blame people for their likes and dislikes. A lot of people find it strange that I like unripe mangoes.”
“Are you telling me that you prefer perky boobs?” she asks suspiciously.
“No, not a bit of it!” I protest. “As you say, it’s their ability to produce gallons of fresh milk that matters. I’ll study the piece and see what I can make of it.”
After reading I the article, I manage to acquire a grasp of the underlying theory. The scientists argue that men are finely attuned to a woman’s fertility indicators, presumably because they can’t determine whether she is in oestrus by sniffing her coochie (as we apes do). They argue that fertile women have more attractive breasts:
This is supported by evidence showing that women with larger breasts tend to have higher estrogen levels; breast size may therefore serve as an indicator of potential fertility. However, breasts become less firm with age and parity, and breast shape could thus also serve as a marker of residual fertility.
Thus, the perky boob hypothesis postulates that women with pliant bosoms are likely to remain fertile for a longer period, which makes them more desirable. Even men who don’t want to make babies are attracted to such women because their brains are hardwired that way. This is why they lust after women like Sharon Stone rather than Dolly Parton (or Chesty Morgan).
This is an interesting theory, but there is one detail that looks fishy to men. The men whose opinions were surveyed were from four countries – Brazil, Cameroon, the Czech Republic and Namibia. Are those countries really representative of the global population? Call me a suspicious ape, but I wonder whether the men of those nations are obsessed about jahoobies to an unusual degree. Brazilian beaches are certainly a notorious haven for bosom oglers. If so, there may be places where men test the fertility of women in other ways. Sniffing and tasting is usually more reliable than staring and groping.
I’m not saying the study is definitely wrong, of course. Perhaps men from all parts of the world do appreciate a perky pair of titties. However, I know for a fact that many men are more interested in the thighs and the rump. So I’m keeping an open mind on this one. You can’t make sweeping generalisations until all the data are in.
Labels: Dolly Parton, female fertility, human titty, jahoobies
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Big ones can be a bit scary, but they are all delightful. EPT, my first real love was a 34b. She and I still stay in touch so they must heave been pretty wonderful.
I wonder if men are interested in jahoobies that hang all the way down to one's thighs and rump. Just wondering, you know, for a friend.
Is being completely hairless and heavily airbrushed signs of fertility? Because that seems to be a thing for a lot of guys.
Maybe some of our wiring got screwed up somewhere along the line.
Not my woring, but some guys...
Maybe some of our wiring got screwed up somewhere along the line.
Not my woring, but some guys...
As an old codger, perhaps my opinions will stray outside of current trends, but I must say that in my modest experience with the beautiful female breasts, that ALL shapes and sizes have an appeal. They all entice in different ways. I relish the access I have had and continue to be granted to my wife's bosom. And as they are not static in shape or form over the years, I can say that every variation has been wholly pleasing. As you mentioned the nursing role for the breast, I must say that even though I felt a cad somewhat, but I was able to sample said from my wife during the times she was nursing our children way back in their infancy. I was granted this joy and was very sparing so as to not deprive nutrients to my children. But, I must say it was always very invigorating and delightful for me. I do also, though find the rump of a woman to be a true enticement as well.
It is interesting how you mentioned the dichotomy between many non-human and human primates in the former's proclivity to enjoy actively smelling and tasting of a woman's nether regions as an assessment aid in fertility. Perhaps I have a bit more of the range of non-human primate genes, for I have always loved that aspect of the mating art. Although not consciously aware of the state of estrus through such activity, it was always enjoyable, and in being granted that access, I would know she would allow me to provide deeper, more probing service as well.... Which also encouraged me to try my best.
It is interesting how you mentioned the dichotomy between many non-human and human primates in the former's proclivity to enjoy actively smelling and tasting of a woman's nether regions as an assessment aid in fertility. Perhaps I have a bit more of the range of non-human primate genes, for I have always loved that aspect of the mating art. Although not consciously aware of the state of estrus through such activity, it was always enjoyable, and in being granted that access, I would know she would allow me to provide deeper, more probing service as well.... Which also encouraged me to try my best.
Yes, perky are my fave although availability comes into play. I don't know about all that fertility mumbo-jumbo. I just know that anything more than a handful are superfluous.
Ms Pop Tart: Any size bigger than a mosquito bite, Ms Pop Tart. :)
Jono: Big ones can suffocate - have you seen Chesty Morgan?
Anne Marie: I'm sure they'd make perfect face cushions, Anne Marie. :)
Robyn: Surely you exaggerate, Robyn! Unless your friend is Miss Choksondik. :)
Harry: Men get jealous when they see creatures hairier than themselves - I know this from experience.
PipeTobacco: Your anecdotes about your wife never fail to delight, Professor! Please send her my deepest regards.
Exile: What you regard as a personal preference is the outcome of millions of years of evolution. What kind if boobs do you think Homo Erectus liked?
Jono: Big ones can suffocate - have you seen Chesty Morgan?
Anne Marie: I'm sure they'd make perfect face cushions, Anne Marie. :)
Robyn: Surely you exaggerate, Robyn! Unless your friend is Miss Choksondik. :)
Harry: Men get jealous when they see creatures hairier than themselves - I know this from experience.
PipeTobacco: Your anecdotes about your wife never fail to delight, Professor! Please send her my deepest regards.
Exile: What you regard as a personal preference is the outcome of millions of years of evolution. What kind if boobs do you think Homo Erectus liked?
But it's not just about a perky top shelf, Mr Gorilla Bananas. There are divided opinions on nipples too: should they be like chapel hat pegs or poached eggs? Pink in colour or a version of tan? Should the areola be large or more akin to a ten pence piece? You wanted data; I'm just sayin'
As a woman with perfect breasticles I feel I have an authority on the subject.
As a woman with perfect breasticles I feel I have an authority on the subject.
I really must be dipping deeply into the non-human primate gene pool, because like your comment to Harry, I can attest the I do feel quite inferior when I see another male who is more hirsute than I am. I *am* quite furry as far as the range goes in males, but there are many that do have a more robust growth, and I will admit to feeling inadequate and inferior.
Jules: Well, Jules, I dare say you could write a book on the subject! In the meantime I will look at pictures of poached eggs and chapel hat pegs.
Pipe Tobacco: You must content yourself with your superiority in other attributes of alpha-maleness, Professor.
Mr Rosewater: So droopy titties are better than no titties? A wise philosophy.
Mary: Indeed not! I hope you are proud of them, Mary. :)
Hot Guys: Are you a friend of Mistress Maddie?
Pipe Tobacco: You must content yourself with your superiority in other attributes of alpha-maleness, Professor.
Mr Rosewater: So droopy titties are better than no titties? A wise philosophy.
Mary: Indeed not! I hope you are proud of them, Mary. :)
Hot Guys: Are you a friend of Mistress Maddie?
In other news, the sky is blue or gray, the earth is green or brown, and women like big perky penises.
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