Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Legal issues
Can a gorilla be held in contempt of court? The manager of the safari camp warned me that a judge could send me to a zoo for a couple of weeks if I called him an idiot. He’d first have to find me, of course. There are regions of the dense Congo jungle that even witch doctors fear to tread. In any case, I have no intention of calling anyone names. There’s a big difference between denouncing a dubious decision and likening the fellow who made it to an ass or a donkey. A judge who refuses to tolerate such criticism is a judge that has grown too big for his boots.
I make these remarks because of a couple of legal rulings I feel obliged to comment on. The first one concerns Madonna, who went to court to prevent the auction of various “intimate items” she claims are hers. Apparently, she had an affair with a rapper and convicted felon called Tupac Shakur in the 1990s. Among the items for sale are a letter he wrote to her and some underwear he mysteriously obtained.
Madonna claims the items were stolen and I’m inclined to believe her regarding the letter. Unless Mr Shakur had forgot to post it, it must have been removed from her possession without her consent. But on the underwear, I’m not so sure. Even if she never gave them to the rapper, she might have carelessly left them in his house. Once you do that, it’s finders keepers. A woman can’t expect to retain control of her panties if she takes them off and neglects to retrieve them.
Madonna is no doubt worried that people will attempt to humiliate her by sniffing the panties and saying they smell like tuna fish, but a woman who has given her underwear to a gangster cannot credibly claim she has a reputation to protect.
The other legal judgement that piqued my interest concerns the Electoral Commissioner of Papua New Guinea, whose name is Mr Patilias Gamato. Mr Gamato got very upset when a blogger started calling him ‘Mr Tomato’ and published pictures of him with his head replaced by the said fruit.
“He made some defamatory statements and also called my surname 'tomato',” said Mr Gamato. "I don't look like a tomato, I'm a human being.”
The judge took pity on him and issued a court order preventing the blogger from making any more tomato gags.
As one who is named after a fruit, I have little sympathy for Mr Gamato. There is nothing wrong with being associated with a much-loved salad ingredient. I would have advised him to change his name to ‘Tomato’ to pre-empt any jokes.
I can see the judge was trying to be kind, but too much kindness can turn a man into a blithering ninny. Anyone that thin-skinned will be a target for wags until the cows come home. Mr Gamato, I fear, will soon discover that there are worse insults than being called ‘Tomato’.
Labels: asses, donkeys, judges, Madonna, tomatoes
Comments:
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Madonna should definitely be more careful leaving her undies laying around. I think it's funny that someone wants to buy them.
Mr. Gomato needs a thicker skin and a better sense of humor.
Mr. Gomato needs a thicker skin and a better sense of humor.
"Madonna is no doubt worried that people will attempt to humiliate her by sniffing the panties and saying they smell like tuna fish."
I think that has happened already, no? Besides I smelled a perfume once called Diving Buddy that was tuna scented, with notes of clam and sage. I assumed that was her's.
I think that has happened already, no? Besides I smelled a perfume once called Diving Buddy that was tuna scented, with notes of clam and sage. I assumed that was her's.
If you're named "Gomato," there are some jokes you're just going to have to see coming.
There are worse things to be called.
His last name could have been Furtle Tucker or something.
There are worse things to be called.
His last name could have been Furtle Tucker or something.
Interestingly enough, I actually think that Tupac Shakur WAS artistically quite talented. I saw a film that he atared in with Janet Jackson, and he was quite good as an actor.
Unless they were to attempt to run DNA sampling on the panties, I am not sure why Madonna would be so worried about them. I would anticipate that many charlatans may have already tried to turn any number of Fruit-of-the-Loom panties directly off the shelf as havin been upon the body of Madonna. People are plenty gullible in regards to their "star" infatuations if they are so inclined.
PipeTobacco
Unless they were to attempt to run DNA sampling on the panties, I am not sure why Madonna would be so worried about them. I would anticipate that many charlatans may have already tried to turn any number of Fruit-of-the-Loom panties directly off the shelf as havin been upon the body of Madonna. People are plenty gullible in regards to their "star" infatuations if they are so inclined.
PipeTobacco
If anyone puts you in a zoo, Mr Gorilla Bananas I shall dress up like Catwoman and come and break you out!
Ha! Tomato head. People are very sensitive these days. I myself have been called way worse things.
Ha! Tomato head. People are very sensitive these days. I myself have been called way worse things.
Jono: Maybe the people who want to buy them are investors. The panties should increase in value when Madonna is dead or in a nursing home.
Mistress: Diving Buddy! You ought to patent than name before someone steals it, Mistress! I'd love to see you sniff panties and comment on them like a connoisseur!
Harry Hamid: He considers such jokes to be slander because he is not actually a tomato. I don't know what the legal defence is.
Pip Tobacco: Creating counterfeit panties would be a cruel deception, Professor. We may find this difficult to understand, but there are fans who want to inhale Madonna's authentic essences. Thank you for commenting on Mr Shakur's acting skills - I shall take your rating as authoritative.
Pop Tart: Is anyone alleging they are from Wal-Mart, Ms Pop Tart? It could be another attempt to humiliate Madonna.
Jules: I curse the guttersnipes who have called you wicked names, Jules! A lady as benign as yourself deserves nothing but flattery and foot massages!
Anne Marie: You're being a bit harsh on Mr Gamato, Anne Marie. I've never seen a tomato wearing spectacles!
Mistress: Diving Buddy! You ought to patent than name before someone steals it, Mistress! I'd love to see you sniff panties and comment on them like a connoisseur!
Harry Hamid: He considers such jokes to be slander because he is not actually a tomato. I don't know what the legal defence is.
Pip Tobacco: Creating counterfeit panties would be a cruel deception, Professor. We may find this difficult to understand, but there are fans who want to inhale Madonna's authentic essences. Thank you for commenting on Mr Shakur's acting skills - I shall take your rating as authoritative.
Pop Tart: Is anyone alleging they are from Wal-Mart, Ms Pop Tart? It could be another attempt to humiliate Madonna.
Jules: I curse the guttersnipes who have called you wicked names, Jules! A lady as benign as yourself deserves nothing but flattery and foot massages!
Anne Marie: You're being a bit harsh on Mr Gamato, Anne Marie. I've never seen a tomato wearing spectacles!
There is a scene in the excellent movie (from memory) Slacker referring to the content of Madonna's knickers in a bottle, but then I googled it and regret I did. Tomato, I should have stayed on the gomato story...
I think if the things are in someone else's possession then I'm not sure Madonna will be able to stop the auction. How is she gonna prove they were hers.
Underwear that smells of tuna?! Oh, brother! That's the oldest, lamest cliche in the jungle. How about if we start referring to you as Mr. Banana Breath? Get ready for a backlash.
I see that the letter is addressed to "M.", GB. How do we know it's for Madonna. Maybe he meant Michael Douglas or worse, Mommy.
Billy: Looks aren't the important thing, though. I'd rather have an ugly tomato that tasted good.
Viking Girl: Are you advising me not to google it? I'm smelt worse things in the jungle than Madonna's knickers. :)
Mary: The seller is claiming they are hers, Mary. Otherwise, no one would want to bid for them.
Exile: I didn't say they smelt of tuna fish! I merely pointed out that other people might say it to insult Madonna. She has a lot of enemies, y'know.
Jimmy: He doesn't look equipped for jungle warfare, Jimmy.
Al: Don't talk until you've smelt them. You might even get high.
Robyn: I never noticed that, Robyn! Was he trying to be discreet? He would have been if he'd written the letter to his mother. :)
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Viking Girl: Are you advising me not to google it? I'm smelt worse things in the jungle than Madonna's knickers. :)
Mary: The seller is claiming they are hers, Mary. Otherwise, no one would want to bid for them.
Exile: I didn't say they smelt of tuna fish! I merely pointed out that other people might say it to insult Madonna. She has a lot of enemies, y'know.
Jimmy: He doesn't look equipped for jungle warfare, Jimmy.
Al: Don't talk until you've smelt them. You might even get high.
Robyn: I never noticed that, Robyn! Was he trying to be discreet? He would have been if he'd written the letter to his mother. :)
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