Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Natural sweetener

Apparently there’s a product called MySweetV that can improve the taste and smell of a woman’s coochie. It’s promotional website contains the following sales pitch:

MySweetV is formulated to give your secretions a semi-fruity taste and sensual smell. You should always taste better than the next chick!

The same idea is repeated in the product’s twitter feed:

MySweetV makes your milkshake taste better than the next chick by giving your secretions a semi-fruity taste and sensual smell while working with your body’s Ph levels.

I would advise them to send out free samples to get some reviews instead of hoping that everyone will believe their hype. These reviews should be written by the tasters, not the buyers, so the claims made for MySweetV can be verified. I doubt there will be any reluctance on their part – humans who have eaten something tasty are rarely shy of boasting about it.

None of which means I approve of the product, which seems to be based on the premise that a woman’s vulva is some kind of hors d’oeuvre that must be sniffed and eaten like an oyster. This idea is unhelpful, in my view, because it encourages the taster to focus on his own enjoyment rather than the pleasure he should be trying to give. The prime objective of oral sex is to gratify the receiver – pleasant sensations on the tongue are an agreeable perk, but should not be thought of an end in itself.

MySweetV's marketing campaign has provoked a few hostile reactions. An article in an online newspaper has denounced the quest for an appetising vagina as bogus and demeaning. This is the advice it gave to its female readers:

Your vagina is not supposed to be entirely odourless. It’s not supposed to smell like roses and taste like a ripe plum. Your vagina should smell and taste like a vagina.

This is a fair point, and well made, but it begs the question of what an unseasoned vagina is supposed to taste like. Is there an authentic vagina flavour? Call me an innocent ape, but I really have no idea. If you blindfolded me and gave me different things to lick, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a vagina and a shrimp cocktail.

My only source on this vexed question is Mr Krayzee Eyez Killah, the rap singer who told Larry David that vaginas come in as many different flavours as ice cream. He went on the claim that Thai pussies were a particular delicacy. Maybe Thai women eat special herbs and spices to make their juices tasty. In the absence of data, we can only speculate.

Truly, the Earth is full of unsolved mysteries. No one, to my knowledge, has got to the bottom of the Bermuda triangle. Do the ships that disappear there fall prey to pirates, or are they swallowed by a giant vortex? What affects the taste of a woman’s coochie is an enigma of comparable magnitude.

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Could this be the reason I don't like oysters??? I guess Ill be saving money on this product, I wouldn't know what to do with it. But you would be fun to play a blindfold game with.... lick it and guess what it is.

there's a sucker (heh heh heh) born every minute!
It seems like this is yet another product marketed to make women self-conscious about themselves and then prey on that paranoia.

Although... pizza. I mean, if it came in pizza flavor, I might have to extol its virtues.


It would be like killing two birds with one stone.

Q: "Wanna go out for pizza tonight?"
A: "Why don't we stay in and eat out?"

I already feel bad about typing that.

Comparing the taste of a vagina to a fine wine. Like this: " this pussy might be described as liquefied Viagra. An incredibly sexy nose of smoke, black fruits, cappuccino, and toasty wood is followed by an expansive, terrifically concentrated wine with a sumptuous texture, no hard edges, beautifully integrated acidity and tannin, and a long, 35 second finish. According to the back label, about 5% … was added in the blend of this stunningly aromatic, multi-dimensional vagina. It should taste well for 12-15 years. This is a spectacular vagina that must be tasted to be believed.”
A human woman could certainly use this as part of her dating site profile, don't you think?
Nit for me!
How would I know if this makes me taste better than the next chick? Will he come back for another sample after moving on to do a taste test? How does he clear his taste buds for a truly objective sample? I'm beginning to doubt the validity of this, GB. It sounds like a hoax to me.
Somehow, I initially got the impression that this improved the taste of sperm. Not vaginas. Not sure how I arrived at that. I used to try to convince girls that my sperm tasted like birthday cake. Never worked. Not once. 'Coochie flavouring' is the best tag ever. Get ready for some spam.
Mistress Maddie: Try dipping the oysters in vinegar and chopped onions before eating them, Mistress. That's what the French do. Oysters and coochies both require flavouring!

Anne Marie: Why are you so sure it's a scam? Don't talk until you've tried it yourself. :)

Harry Hamid: Stay in and eat out. What a glory of double entendres!

Jono: Is a flattering description of your coochie any better than a flattering profile picture? It's a deep ethical question.

Pop Tart: Maybe you don't need any flavouring, Ms Pop Tart!

Robyn: Those are very good questions, Robyn. You ought get a job in a consumer protection agency. I would also trust you to write an honest review. ;);)

Exile: I have no fear of spam, Mr Exile. My trusty spam guard filters out all the rubbish to leave me with your gems. I reckon the right diet would have improved the taste of your manly secretions.
My sweet V. Dear Lord. When will genious marketing teams realise that the day they make spunk taste like margarita they're gonna make a whole heap of money.
I don't plan on using some strange product down there. I've never had any complaints and I think as long as you take a bath or shower and wash yourself with nicely scented soap before any sexy times, you won't have any complaints.
but pheromones are an integral part of the omelette.
I do not really understand the need for this. I do not put catsup on chocolate to make it taste different. Seems an odd thing to desire.

I like my coffee to taste like coffee. I like my pipe tobacco to taste like pipe tobacco. I like my burbons to taste like burbons. And, of course I want my wife to taste like my wife!

When my tongue detects the inherent flavored of my wife's clitoral region, I do not want to taste "wild berries" or "lilacs", I want to taste her so that I may gently nurse on her gift to me.
But where is the product that makes cum taste good? Men would find it unpalatable.
Jules: That all depends what it tastes like raw, Jules. Once again, I have no idea. :)

Mary: Suppose they offered you a free sample for a review, Mary?

Billy: That's a very good point. Who needs flavouring if you've got pheromones?

Pipe Tobacco: You and your wife are surely an example for others to copy, Professor. But could you recognise the taste of your wife wearing a blindfold?

Shoshanah: A woman once commented here that her lover's vegan diet made his secretions taste good. And I'm pretty sure no one contradicted her!
Something that makes vegan men more attractive! Interesting.
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