Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Easter reading


I’m sorry to say I received no Easter gift from the manager of the safari camp. He’s getting very stingy in his old age. However, his kind and generous wife lent me an issue of Marie Claire to read, for which I thanked her profusely. If you think it’s strange that a gorilla should receive a woman’s magazine with gratitude, you have a very limited view of what we find interesting. Marie Claire (and publications like it) is a window on the mind of the human female, which is one of the unfathomable mysteries of anthropological science. No learned ape would refrain from immersing himself in such literature.

As I thumbed through the magazine in my hammock, I came across an interview with a young lady called Janelle Monae (pictured above). Although I’d never heard of her, I assumed she must be someone important, otherwise why would Marie Claire be interviewing her? Ms Monae seems to be a pop musician with an interest in social and political issues. One of her statements immediately caught my eye:

“People have to start respecting the vagina,” she declared.

I can’t see why anyone (apart from the usual villains) would fail to comply with this entirely reasonable demand. I have always respected the vagina, and would not hesitate to admonish any fool who took its name in vain. The coochie is the hallowed portal from which we mammals emerge into the realm of breathable air. Her next statement was far less impressive:

“Until every man is fighting for our rights, we should consider stopping having sex.”

This makes no sense. If men fought for the rights of women, there’d be no one to fight against. It would be like a boxing match where both fighters were on the same team and beat up the referee. Women, of course, should fight for their own rights, with a few grumpy men resisting them to make the contest interesting.

As for the sex strike threat, that would be like cutting off your pigtails to spite your wig. The only people who’d benefit would be the sex toy manufacturers. I don’t for one minute believe that such a strike could ever be solid. Hordes of strikebreaking hoochies would sneak around having sex with men on the quiet. And what about all the gay men? They would not be harmed by the strike at all. They would go on shagging each other while making catty remarks about all the sex-starved women. The defeated and dejected strikers would return to work with their tails between their legs.

I don’t want to be too hard on Ms Monae for making these foolish proposals – she obviously hadn’t thought too hard before formulating them. I would advise her to hire an aide to carefully vet her policy ideas and throw out the stupid ones. In the meantime, she should continue having sexual relations with men who tickle her fancy. No one ever made their mark on the world by being sexually frustrated. 

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Comments:
never heard of janelle. and WTF is that last pix; did moths eat holes in the ass fabric? S-T-U-P-I-D!
 
"And what about all the gay men? They would go on shagging each other while making catty remarks about all the sex-starved women."

Have we met?
 
The play Lysistrata explored that same theme.
 
I have an album she did in about 2010. She's good, but she seems to be having more success in acting these days.

I do not endorse this strike.
 
Personally, I think she should learn to respect the arse seat of her trousers. That's be a good start.
 
no problem about stopping sex, just tell us in advance so we don't waste time and money pursuing something that is unobtainable.

when will the substitute robots be available at a reasonable price?
 
I have no idea who she even is so her thoughts on anything make no difference to me.
 
Those women's rags are ruining women. They fill them with complexes and self-defeating attitudes. The poor things look in the mirror and know they can't measure up. Those pubs would be shut down if they didn't make so much stinkin' money selling a dream that won't come true.

As for not having sex, it's been done. Evil Pop Tart beat me to it. See Lysistrata.
 
Anne Marie: She wants her butt cheeks need to breathe, Anne Marie. They might get too sweaty if she suffocates them. :)

Mistress Maddie: We might have met in a previous life, Mistress. Maybe I was your manicurist. ;)

Pop Tart: Except that the women of Athens were trying to stop a war, Ms Pop Tart. Who knows what Janelle wants.

Harry Hamid: If you have one of her albums, that makes you a fan. Perhaps you should write her a letter about the futility of the strike.

Jules: She must think her arse is better than her trousers, Jules. A very conceited woman to be sure!

Mr Rosewater: That's a very fair request. Celibate women should not be prick teasers. And maybe you could hire a sex robot for a week to try it out.

Mary: What about Marie Claire, Mary? Does it speak for you?

Exile: Is that what they do? I thought they were more concerned about a woman's right to have multiple orgasms and a man's obligation to provide them. Is that asking too much?
 
The least she could do while on her sex strike is send men to me to tickle my fancy. Geeze. Selfish b*tch!
 
If there was a sex strike men would just do what they have had to do for eons. It's not nearly as much fun, but taking matters into our own hands is something we are all familiar with.
 
Gorilla are you considering joining the Alt-Right to try to stem the tide of radical feminism?
 
I agree with Juno, a strike would just force men to take matters into their "own hands" ( or hand) so-to-speak. Men have had to do this through various sorts of vagina-droughts throughout the ages. Clearly not as much fun, but it does keep the stress hormones at bay so a guy can function.
 
The other thought I had, living in an urban locale myself, is that at least in rural, farming communities, such a strike could make the sheep and other agricultural livestock rather "nervous" as well. This would be a very poor situation women on strike would have to be held accountable for, I suppose. Perhaps that alone would make women rethink such a strike option.
 
I have a friend with similar views. She told me to stop having sex until we don't have a misogynist president. I told her I didn't see the point of punishing myself for no reason. What I did not say, but realized later, is that she is already completely celibate. It's no skin off her back!

People are strange. You will never fully understand us, Japingape. Better stick with your own species.
 
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