Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Panty business

How much should a woman charge for her dirty knickers? I’ve been pondering this question after reading a news story about a married lady with a thriving mail-order business. Mistress Dani, as she likes to be known, has a website where customers can pick and choose panties with a selection of different soilings. Yet she prides herself on offering much more than items from her laundry basket:

“Our clients want an authentic experience and it’s all about intimacy – so it’s important they feel like they’re getting attention,” she explains.

If you’re wondering how a transaction involving underwear can give a man the attention he needs, it’s all about the flow of information. He asks Mistress Dani what her knickers smell like – she tells him they exude the fragrant aroma of steamed mussels with a dash of lemon. He tells her what he has done with the knickers after receiving them, often with photographic evidence – she praises his ingenuity and pretends to be flattered (I suppose you’d call that aftercare service). By such means, the client feels he has acquired something more meaningful than panties.

All of which suggests she is making them pay through the nose for the service, which might be considered apt given the part played by their noses in enjoying the product. According to Mistress Dani, one of her clients was a married man who could no longer sleep with his infirm wife:

“He just wanted the smell of a woman,” she explained.

You have to admit that’s a valid necessity. If a man goes without the smell of a woman for too long his nostrils start twitching. However, the Mistress is extending her range of services to cater for clients with stranger desires. Apparently, many of her customers crave humiliation, which can be provided in ways that do not require face-to-face contact. For example, her clients can ask for their picture to be displayed in a rogues gallery of panty-sniffers which appears in her website. She will also play the part of schoolmistress, ordering men to write out lines for her inspection. Those who want the premier service can ask for a sample of her urine to abase themselves with. Again, there is no indication of what she charges for these services, but they don’t seem to require a lot of woman-hours. Even a modest fee could generate massive profits.

Of course, Mistress Dani doesn’t have to disclose her fees if she doesn’t want to. As long as her clients think they’re getting value for money, it’s nobody’s business. Nevertheless, once a businesswoman starts using the news media to advertise her wares, she should expect to have her trading practices scrutinised. The market for soiled panties and related services won’t work efficiently if no one publishes their prices. Let’s hope the problem is solved by more suppliers entering the industry to provide a healthy does of competition. My ape instincts tell me there are a lot of women out there who could give Mistress Dani a run for her money.

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"a website where customers can pick and choose panties with a selection of different soiling's" Jesus H Christ. WHY??? I have heard everything now. So if someone orders a pair in the dead 101 degree heat of summer in Cleveland, does that make it a Cleveland Steamer??? your tag of panty sniffers. That should draw them in.
I am totally stunned!
I had never even considered such a fetish until they started running panties out of the prison in "Orange is the New Black."
Yuck! And her butt is deviantly unattractive too. This whole thing stinks, GB.
ew ew ew! disgusting, gross, foul, filthy!
Pay through the nose?! Did you really type that? Where is the female equivalent? I went for a nice run last evening.
What a brilliant business idea! Pants off to that lady! She doesn’t have to launder and can afford to buy new knickers every day.

Nothing like a bit of humiliating, morning bitch piss to abase yourself with.

I would like you to find out her fees, Mr. Gorilla Bananas as I think I can undercut and exceed her.

I'm not sure if there's such a thing as this with the gender roles reversed (With the pants on the other foot, as it were), although there is a silly and raunchy comedy film called "Porky's" (Nearly as old as I am), which has a woman in it whose major character trait is her enjoyment of boys' sweaty, smelly gym shorts. I don't think this can be counted as evidence.

Interestingly, in Japan there are vending machines that perform this kind of laundry service.
Mistress Maddie: That would be a vanilla product, Mistress. Perspiration is vanilla in this market!

Pop Tart: I hope I've given you something to chew on, Ms Pop Tart. :)

Harry Hamid: I never knew that TV show was so educational.

Robyn: Would you allow anyone to sniff your laundry basket, Robyn? :)

Anne Marie: So you wouldn't have a sniff out of curiosity?

Exile: You'd better wait for a woman to ask you. Otherwise you might get your face slapped!

Jules: I've just noticed some fees on her website, Jules. You could definitely undercut her and your knickers would sell like hot cakes!

Jai: I suspect most women would prefer sweaty shirts, but I doubt they would pay for the service. Trust the Japanese to create a low price version of the product.
Right. I'll cut you in!
I wonder if, like farts, anyone can truly enjoy the stench of soiled underpants as much as the person who wore them? I suppose I'll leave that question to the philosophers.
What an enterprising woman she is! She'll be wealthy in no time. I wonder if she uses a fixative of some sort to help the "product" last longer? Didn't the Police sing something like, "There's a little brown spot in my underwear,"? Maybe that where she got the idea.
I've heard about women doing this for years. Hey, if men are willing to pay for it why shouldn't a woman sell it to him.
Gorilla you might wanna start wearing boxer shorts in the safari camp if they can bring you some extra cash!
Jules: I'll be your knicker pimp, Jules!

Chris: I doubt philosophers could shed much light on that question. Men with convictions for indecent exposure might be more helpful.

Jono: I believe she guarantees her panties are soiled with 100% natural juices and no preservatives. I don't recall The Police singing that song - was it a hit single?

Mary: Why not indeed, Mary! Have you ever chatted with a woman in this line of work?

Jimmy: Are you sure, Jimmy? Get back to me when you've done some market research.
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