Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Woman marries dog

There are conflicting reports about the Argentinian woman who married her dog. Some say she did it because her fiancé jilted her; others say she did it because her fiancé cheated on her. You may think it’s an unimportant detail in this romantic tale, but I would beg to differ. If her fiancé’s philandering was the issue, who is to say that her dog won’t cheat on her too? Although dogs are normally very loyal to their owners, their concept of fidelity doesn’t stop them from humping other dogs. The behaviour of stray mutts in the shanties of Brazzaville suggests that love and sex are wholly separate categories for the canine community. As they are for many humans, of course.

Now it seems that Miss Romina Pitton’s main motive in this affair, apart from confirming her affections for her pooch, was to avoid cancelling a wedding in the final stages of preparation. With so much money already lavished on cakes and frilly dresses and gay wedding planners who charge by the hour, she didn’t want to deprive herself and her guests of the extravaganza they’d been eagerly anticipating. All of which shows how the human wedding has evolved, over the centuries, into a ridiculous circus. A simple exchange of vows has become the excuse for an absurd and overblown show with a giant cast of extras.

Personally, I can’t think of anything more undignified than participating in a human-style wedding. When Gorilla Bananas makes a promise to someone, there is no need for witnesses. His word is his bond. Potential voyeurs are told politely to sod off before any oaths are uttered. My solemn covenants are a private affair, not a gala event that the world and his wife may attend. Listening to an impertinent speech by the best man would be out of the question too. Any “best man” who attempted to mock me in front of an audience would immediately find himself demoted to “worst baboon”.

This explains why I’ve always had a soft spot for humans who elope. When a clown ran off with the ringmaster’s daughter in my circus days, I was quick to offer help with getaway vehicles, safe houses and disguises. Obviously I didn’t provide all these services myself. Like Frank Sinatra, I had underworld contacts who were only too willing carry out favours on my behalf. Most things can be arranged if you know the right people.

You may think that eloping has gone out of fashion and doesn’t happen anymore, but I have a suspicion that a big one is in the offing. Prince Harry seems to be very besotted with his latest girlfriend, to the extent that he’s issued a statement to the press, telling them to back off. I don’t think he’d want to expose her to the media scrutiny that a royal wedding would generate. If he and his would-be-bride are interested, I have a nice little hut in the Congo where they could consummate their nuptials in peace.

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And save the Royal Family a ton of lucre! And stiff the BBC. Further stiffings to take place in private.
Rites of passage are important, they say.

I never thought about weddings be so important that you could have one without one would-be spouse even being there, but hey, how much of an excuse for a great party do you need?

This is great news, as I'd love to dress up for my own wedding but can't stand the guys I know.
That must've been quite a honeymoon. I hope she likes doing it doggie style, GB.
I believe there's a hint of self-promotion about the doggie wedding story.

He can bugger off to a little hut in the Congo if he wants, but she'll be very welcome to keep my tootsies warm.
Yes, if the Prince isn't up to consummation in the Congo, I would be more than happy to take that duty at no charge. I owe him a favor, anyway.
Why does it have to be the fiancé's fault at all!? Sounds to me it might be because she's a crazy person.

People should leave poor Prince Harry alone. Apes, too. He deserves his privacy and, honestly, it's not all that interesting.
Pop Tart: The BBC doesn't need royal weddings, Ms Pop Tart. Covering such events is like an obligation to a dying aunt. There are other TV channels that might cover the stiffings.

Nasreen: You're right not to marry a man you can't stand, but do you have a pet who can stand-in? I would advise a tomcat rather than a dog.

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I bet she does! Her dog might find it a bit of a stretch, though.

TSB: She's not going to migrate to the antipodes, so you may have to content yourself with a hot water bottle.

Jono: You too? Everyone wants a piece of the action.

Exile: She may be as crazy as a pit of snakes, but who drove her to it, eh? Prince Harry is of no interest to me unless he elopes. I like to think of myself as the patron saint of elopers.

I hope that lady who married her dog had a pre-nuptial agreement. You know, in case they divorce, who gets the Kibble?
it's not as crazy as voting for trump.
I think a person who marries their dog may be in need of some professional help.
Al: The cat should get it. They suffer the most during a divorce.

Mr Rosewater: I was going to say "few things are", but thought better of it when I considered all the crazy things people have done.

Mary: Yes, from Cesar Millan. He would have all the answers.
How did the dog sign the marriage certificate? Hehehe.......

I hope he stays loyal to her,

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