Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Emerging talent

I’m wondering whether to buy a collection of songs by Tove Lo, the up-and-coming Swedish singer. Although it’s unlikely I’ll listen to them very often (if at all), one must do what one can to encourage young talent. She has been kind enough to make a video for one of the songs freely available. Most of its scenes show her writhing on the roof of a car or straddling a glass coffin. Apparently she was performing some kind of mating dance:

“To me, music and sex are very connected,” she declared. “I’m a very sexual person.”

Miss Lo has called her new album ‘Lady Wood’. If you think that’s the name of a forest where upper class women have picnics, you’d be wrong. She revealed the true meaning of the title in a recent interview with Vogue:

“It’s kind of like saying a chick with balls, but since we don’t have balls, it’s lady wood. It’s almost like saying, ‘Don’t be a pussy’.”

Call me a confused ape, but this explanation seems to have a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in it. Yes, women don’t have balls, I agree with her on that point. But unless I have been gravely misinformed about the anatomy of the human female, they don’t have anything woody down there either. And why is she using the word “pussy” to mean a weak and pathetic person? A woman who is standing up for her gender should reclaim the kitty word to signify something divine and delicious. Perhaps Miss Lo needs to go on a feminist empowerment course run by Gloria Steinem or one of her disciples.

One has to make allowances for that fact that she is from Sweden, of course. English is not her mother tongue, while Swedish is the tongue of her mother. Ambiguous words like “wood” have deceived the greatest linguists. Back in my circus days, we once hosted an acrobat from Finland, visiting on an exchange programme.

“Happiness is the most important thing,” I said while showing him to his trailer.

“Yes, I hab penis,” he replied with a nervous grin.

I nodded and left him to his devices.

Once she sorts out her issues with the English language, Miss Lo has every chance of hitting the big time. Fans of pop music haven’t heard a Swedish voice in full-throat since the long-lamented demise of ABBA, so her act should have plenty of novelty value. I would advise her to save her sexiest material for prime time audiences. Miley Cyrus played a goody-two-shoes character before launching her twerking exhibition on the world and it propelled her to instant stardom. Sticking your tongue out and wiggling your bottom only makes a big splash when it’s totally unexpected. No one would have batted an eyelid if Madonna had done it. I just hope Miss Lo hasn’t jumped the gun by humping a glass coffin in her pop video. As any lioness will tell you, timing is everything if you want to make a kill.

Labels: , , ,

I clicked on it and I have two things to say.
1. I'm a pig.
2. That lucky car.
Miley Cyrus is very trashy!
I second the pop tart!

I have invisible balls; I show them when necessary. we philadelphians have them AND we use them! mistress maddie can tell you...
Well, I know nothing of the female anatomy or wood, so the post has me longing to hear more ABBA.
@Anne Marie- if your referring to mine being used as door stops or paper weights, you'd be correct.
The O's in her name look very questionable for someone who is opposed to her own genitalia.
It’s when she rolls up on stage with a “Strap on wood” you wanna be careful. These types of girls never know when to stop.
Yes, those old haunting, Swedish, deep throat tunes……bring ‘em back!
Interestingly enough, as I teach anatomy & physiology, the female DOES have a "woody" structure, albeit it smaller than a male's penis. A female's clitoris is hydraulic in a very similar way to the penis of the male, an when stimulated appropriately (warily sways depending upon the woman's inclinations), it becomes rigid and plump aka "woody" just like for the penis. I presume most men who have bedded a woman realize this, but may not appreciate the similarities in the harware's architecture to know how this occurs. I know I am doing a "good effort" for my wife when I can create that firmness in her.
Damn autocorrect... In the above, "warily sways" should have been "various ways". My apologies.
Al: There's no need to condemn yourself for being curious, it's what the links are there for. Did you see the glass coffin too?

Pop Tart: I think Miley got tired of pretending to be a good girl, Ms Pop Tart.

Anne Marie: I won't ask how big they are, Anne Marie. Who gets to see them?

Mistress Maddie: Do you have a favourite ABBA song, Mistress? I would enjoy listening to your cover of 'Take a chance on me'.

Nasreen: I'm not sure she opposes them, but perhaps she doesn't esteem them as she should.

Jules: Lady wood is a strap-on? I never thought of that. You see things so clearly, Jules! I heard that 'Please, Please Me' was a deep-throat tune, but the Beatles weren't Swedish, so it can't be the one you were thinking of.

Pipe Tobacco: That's a fascinating nugget of information, Professor, but are you sure they all feel woody? I suspect the hydraulic pressure varies quite a bit from one case to another.
@maddie - gigglesnort!

@gorilla - I pull them out when asserting myself around totally stupid people or people who want to take advantage of me.
Anatomically with the right stimuli, the clitoris can become substantially "woody". That many women do not squire adequate tactile stimuli is more of a reflection I think of the cloistered attitude about women's pleasures that is so rampant worldwide. I suspect that many women do not feel supportive enough of themselves to have given themselves the opportunity to experience their full hydraulic potential. From the small sample I have known with whom I have been able to broach the subject with, they report that the pleasure is several fold far more invigorating for them than when their clitoris is flaccid. As a male, imagine the difference inherent in self gratification when flaccid versus erect. There is no comparison. Physiologically the same is true for women when they feel the freedom and mindset to allow themselves to be fully engorged hydraulically.
A female woody. Well I'm sure that can be taken several ways. But as PipeTobacco said above, that is one way for a woman to pop a woody. I'm in a romance book club on fb and the subject has come up a time or two and most women feel that a female woody just indicates a female is very turned on.
I think she should say she's got ovaries. Not balls. Not wood. Ovaries.

I lived in Sweden for a while and I speak Swedish- not my mother tongue- and I love the Swedes. But they are a bit weird. The Swedes are so open about sex that it's boring. She's perhaps getting excited about glass coffins because Swedish boys have nothing more to offer her, and as she says, she's a very sexual person.
It brings a whole new meaning to Swedish meatballs. It's enough to put you right off your supper.
Maybe Miss Lo should have a sex change or just get a penile implant. She wants wood and not pussy. I know I'm happier when I "hab" penis.
Elevating the word "pussy" to mean something divine and delicious is a great idea. I'll start using that way immediately. Hope I don't get hurt.
Anne Marie: They sound like a deadly surprise weapon. :)

Pipe Tobacco: I think you should hold a summer school on the topic, Professor.

Mary: What a fascinating book club you belong to, Mary. You ought to make a podcast of your discussions. :)

Shoshanah: Do you think they've got too mechanical about it? No one ever got excited by pulling levers and tightening bolts.

andme: Do the Swedes like meatballs, then? I thought they preferred pickled herrings and mashed carrots.

Robyn: I would advise her to try a strap-on first, Robyn. You, of course, deserve the real McCoy. ;)

Jono: Go for it! If anyone complains, you can say you worship cats, like the ancient Egyptians.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin