Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Quid pro quo

Madonna has taken the art of political campaigning to a new level. At Madison Square Garden, she offered hovering voters the following deal:

“If you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blowjob, OK? I’m good. I’m not a douche, and I’m not a tool. I take my time.”

Sensing some ambivalence in the audience, she added:

“I have a lot of eye contact, and I do swallow.”

You could argue it’s sexist not to offer women anything, but she may have assumed the female vote is already in the sack. From another point of view, a man might feel aggrieved at the implication he will sell his vote for sexual favours. If such men exist, the manager of the safari camp is not one of them:

“If you won’t change your vote for a blowjob, what will you change your vote for?” he asked.

I sensed he would pooh-pooh any answer I gave him, so I scratched my chin and remained silent.

The fatal flaw in Madonna’s proposal is that there’s nothing to stop a man from agreeing to the bargain and voting for a different candidate. The secret ballot is a devilish impediment to such innovative forms of electioneering. She could reduce the risk by denying the inducement to 50-year-old men with beer bellies and Donald Trump. The demographic data indicate those groups are very unlikely to vote for Mrs Clinton.

In truth, I doubt that Madonna will win many votes for Hillary. Her tactics are too outrageous for the typical swing voter. If I were a member of the Clinton team, I would ask Pamela Anderson to join the campaign. She’s the kind of celebrity who appeals to voters who don’t know anything about politics, government, current affairs and other complex subjects. Sometimes you need an advocate who can simplify the issues to words of one or two syllables.

Pammie has recently been speaking out about the dangers of pornography. She says she has dated men who preferred watching porn to having sex with her, blaming their aberrant (and some would say wasteful) behaviour on their addiction to adult entertainment. She’s probably right, although we can’t rule out the possibility that they went off Pammie after realising they preferred women with smaller breasts. Those who have gorged excessively on Black Forest Gateau sometimes acquire a liking for cupcakes. Whatever their problem was, you have to give Pammie credit for raising public awareness of the issue:

“I want a sensual revolution because in the age of technology people are becoming desensitised and there are these multiple images and videos that get stranger and weirder,” she said.

I don’t think I’ve seen the really weird stuff, but I agree with the gist of her argument. Once you go down that path there’s no telling where it will end.

Is it too late for pornography to become an election issue? I can’t see it swinging voters in one direction or the other. But it might persuade the undecideds to stay at home.

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Hers was a truly bizarre offer. Can it also be illegal in some states. Any guy who would take up her offer will probably renege on it.
WHO KNOWS where madge's mouth has been; I wouldn't trust it!

and pammie is a stuffed plastic blowup doll.
Was the offer only valid for those present at the performance? Or was it open to every eligible voter? If everyone eligible took up Madonna on her offer, she could break the world record for number of blow jobs given!!!

I do believe Madonna might have finally went bonkers. Being gay her offer wouldn't sway me in the slightest. If I were straight I'd fear her dentures might slip out.
Ah yes. The words Clinton and blowjob being used in the same sentence. Feels Ike old times, huh?
I didn't know. How did this offer get by me? I've already voted by absentee ballot because I'll be away on election day. Can I still qualify for the blow job? As far as I can tell, the only fatal flaw in her proposal is that I don't have her contact information.
True, GB. Pamela is well past her prime in her Bay Watch days. Maybe she should get the clue that most men would prefer watching porn to doing her. As for Madonna? She's still in the 90s, when people cared about her. I doubt even Bill wants to accept her offer.
Pop Tart: It's illegal in some states? Have there been convictions? Anyone who testified for the prosecution would be a self-confessed peeping tom!

Anne Marie: Do you think she has oral cooties? Maybe she should gargle in Listerine first as a precaution.

Shoshanah: I think she'd get a sore throat after the first 100. Might also be feeling a bit nauseous.

Mistress Maddie: I wonder if she'd see you as a challenge, Mistress. Would you resist if she tried to force herself on you?

Nasreen: Do you remember Monica? I thought she was a sweet girl and wrote a post about her.

Exile: She wouldn't give you one now that you've voted! You've prematurely ejaculated your ballot, my good man.

Robyn: I hope Bill doesn't need to be bribed to vote for Hillary, but you never know. I could imagine him asking Madonna to kiss it.
Oh good grief, now I can't shake the image of Madonna giving birth to Clinton.
Dear Lord.
I love Madonna. The woman is fearless in everyway & really doesnt give a damn about what anyone else thinks. One of my fave quotes from her--

"A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want"
I don't even want to think about the nasty ass men who would take her up on her offer. I can just see toothless willie who hasn't had a shower in 6 months wanting to take her up on her offer. *hears banjos playing in the background*
Line up boys! Blow your load and vote Trump anyway! That'll teach her to keep her mouth shut. Seriously...Madonna...I had so much respect for you until then.

Vote Pammie and Sensual Revolution!
Al: I think that could be an alternative nativity play for Christmas.

Cocaine Princess: Yes, she's a bold one. Are you getting bolder, Miss Princess? ;)

Mary: Haha, I never knew banjo music was the right background music for that, Mary. Are you thinking of the film Deliverance?

Jules: Now you sound like her pimp, Jules! It's amazing how sober and reflective Pammie seems alongside Madonna.
I just read your response to my comment up above. My wife called from the other room wanting to know what's so funny.
FACT: 1-outta-1 croaks, dear, and if you aint prepared for the King of Hearts, girl, and you die, whoops. Lemme tella youse how to BE prepared...

trustNjesus, toots.
Meet me Upstairs.
Let's getta Big-Ol beer...
gotta lotta tok about,
celebrating our eternal resurrection.

The more you shall honor Me,
the more I shall bless you.
-the Infant Jesus of Prague (Czech Republic - over in Yurrop)
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