Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Nipple liberation

I’m wondering whether I should lend my support to the ‘Free the Nipple’ movement. In principle, I’m wholly in favour of liberating enslaved nipples so they can live their lives in comfort and dignity. However, the leader of the campaign is a young lady called Kendall Jenner, who appears to be completely out of her depth. When given the opportunity to speak out on the issue, she said.

“Lately, it's like I'm either braless or I have my bra out. I'm all about freeing the nipple.”

This was a very poor statement. She seems to think that allowing people to see the outline of her own nipples is the answer to everything. What about the average woman who has a regular job and is forced to keep her nipples under lock and key? The long campaign against slavery wasn’t won by Abraham Lincoln boasting about his own freedom and refusing to pick cotton. He had to fight a war and sign proclamations and do other stuff.

In my perplexity, I resorted to asking the manager of the safari camp what the Free Nipplers really wanted.

“They’re feminists,” he explained. “They want to have the right to drive men nuts by exposing their own nipples without letting anyone touch them.”

“But won’t men have the right to expose their nipples too?” I asked.

“Not the same thing,” he replied. “Our nipples aren’t as big and they don’t squirt milk. No one cares if they are visible.”

“Well, maybe you should pretend you don’t care about seeing a woman’s nipples,” I suggested.

“I could pretend, but my eyes would give the game away,” he said. “They’re like smart cameras programmed to zoom in on them.”

I thanked the manager for his opinion, but I don’t believe he speaks for most men. He must have some kind of udder fixation that makes him unusually agitated in the presence of a female nipple. Perhaps he was suckled by an enormous wet nurse when he was a baby. What I don’t understand is why this campaign is viewed as a feminist issue. The Suffragettes never demanded the right to expose their nipples or wear wet t-shirts. The cause of nipple freedom may be just, but it won’t be helped by making bogus assertions.

If the Free Nipplers want to be taken seriously, the first thing they should do is fire Kendall Jenner as their spokesperson. Although she’s a comely lass with decent nipples, she clearly isn’t up to the job of leading a mass movement. The next step would be to broaden their campaign to include a full range of nipple rights for all mammals. Dairy cows, for example, are compelled to have their udders sucked dry by ugly pumping machines. This is a far graver injustice than suffered by human females. Lastly, they should stop trying to humiliate men by implying that the male nipple is irrelevant. You can’t demand rights for yourself while acting as if others don’t matter.

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the entire jenner/kartrashian klan are total morons and need to be swallowed up by a sinkhole.

my boobs are free of a bra, but they are always covered up; I respect myself.
the lovely kendall is laughing all the way to the bank.
This post is udderly ridiculous. Please don't give Kendall Jenner any more press than she already gets. You're only going to encourage more of this type of thing.
I've gone braless now and then; but did not make a point about it.
Bloody hell, these people get their non sensical codswallop out everywhere don't they? Either they're having their dogs balls plumped up (not kidding) their arses and lips filled and now, the sanest one of the bunch frees the nipple. Well guess what, lady, girls world wide have been doing that for years and if you can't swing 'em with tassels in public, nobody cares. Go home.
I've been to places where exposing breasts is not a big deal. While I was happy about it at first the novelty wore off and it was no big deal at all. I imagine that would happen in the U.S., but there will always be a contingent that will be shocked and offended. Maybe we have to wait until that contingent dies off to be unconcerned about it.
Kendall is a petite boob with little to set free. Some of us can't free our nipples, GB, 'cuz we don't know where they'd land.
I myself am very fond of nipples.
Anne Marie: And I respect your semi-liberated boobs, Anne Marie. :)

Billy: Indeed. It proves you don't need to sound intelligent to make money.

Exile: I'm hardly praising her, though. I said she should be fired from her job!

Pop Tart: I'm sure no additional points were necessary, Ms Pop Tart.

Jules: I agree, Jules, she should go home and put a band aid on her mouth! Then look for a job she can do.

Jono: Which are the most nipple-friendly zones in the USA?

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I bet there are many who would volunteer to catch them before they hit the ground!

Mistress Maddie: Do you favour their liberation too, Mistress?
Never understood why women's breasts are so sexualized and men's aren't. There's such a thing as man boobs or moobs and they can look just like a females chest. I don't see anyone telling the guys to cover up.
I think there's a certain time and place to do it.....and I for one don't mind showing mine..... :)
Let those nips fly. I can't hate. Be it man or woman, go right ahead and nip out. Gorilla nips are especially welcomed.
Mary: Yes, indeed. I think the case for covering up is actually stronger for man boobs.

Cocaine Princess: And I'm sure they have been appreciated by many, Miss Princess. :)

Dr Ken: You sound like a hippy guru from the 60s, Dr Ken!
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