Wednesday, September 21, 2016
King Kong: a reassessment
Long-standing readers of this blog will be aware of my disdain for King Kong. I have a number of issues with that overgrown ape. First, that he stomped around his native jungle making a hullabaloo instead of foraging and fornicating like a proper gorilla. Second, that on escaping from captivity in New York City, he created havoc and climbed a skyscraper instead of making a beeline for the nearest forest. But third, and worst of all, that he fell head-over-heels in love with a human female, needlessly endangering himself to keep her in his hairy clutches. I hope I am stating the obvious in pointing out that real gorillas do not behave in this way. And those that did would flee to a barren rock to die of shame.
One of our human guests at the annual simian convention was a young American chap who told me he had recently graduated from the New York Film Academy. In spite of wearing a baseball cap back-to-front, he seemed quite knowledgeable for an American, so I invited him to parley with me on the King Kong question.
“You’ve got it all wrong, GB,” he said after listening patiently to my critique. “King Kong wasn’t in love with Ann Darrow. She was just a plaything who amused him by scampering about like a mouse and hollering at him whenever he tripped her up. Sure, he loved her, but in the same way that Long John Silver loved the parrot on his shoulder. It wasn’t a romantic thing.”
“That’s an interesting theory,” I mused. “I’d love to believe it, but answer me this: why did he risk his life to protect her?”
“People get very attached to their pets,” he replied. “Humans have often risked their lives to save their dogs. Remember Dorothy and Toto in The Wizard of Oz? Couldn’t a gorilla develop the same feelings for a pet woman?”
After considering the matter, I was forced to concede the point.
“Thank you for sharing your perspectives, young Sir,” I said. “You have marshalled your arguments well and given me food for thought.”
Plausible though his theory may be, it does not significantly elevate my opinion of King Kong. His infatuation might have resembled what humans feel for a kitten, but it was certainly a foolish one in the circumstances. Love-struck he may not have been, but sentimental ninny he certainly was.
If a nubile woman turned up on my doorstep in a helpless state, I would extend her every courtesy, but treat her in a formally correct way. The horseplay that occurred between Mr Kong and Miss Darrow would be out of the question until our relationship had progressed to a higher level. I would not endanger my life for her until we were bosom buddies, at the very least.
To the Ann Darrows of the world, I say this: Gorilla Bananas won’t bathe you under a waterfall until you’ve earned his affection. It might take a good fortnight to butter me up sufficiently.
Labels: Ann Darrow, King Kong, pets, revisionism
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I don't buy it. This is an extremely common trope in fiction: It is beauty and the beast. I don't buy that it was basically a coincidence, tangential to the point of the story, that the giant gorilla made off with a hot young blonde.
But trying to say that his destruction was un-apelike... I don't know about that. You sound like an apologist for bad behavior. "We are not really like that. That's a stereotype!"
If I belonged to a group that did bad things, I'd never do that.
But trying to say that his destruction was un-apelike... I don't know about that. You sound like an apologist for bad behavior. "We are not really like that. That's a stereotype!"
If I belonged to a group that did bad things, I'd never do that.
So did you cheer for Godzilla when they squared off?
Also, he really did seem to like blonds in all the movies, right?
Also, he really did seem to like blonds in all the movies, right?
It's all too suspicious, GB. Her bosoms are way too far down from her shoulders. I suspect monkey business. And she looks rather satisfied.
What do you mean you won't save our lives? A WHOLE fortnight? Blimey, you do play hard to get, Mr. Gorilla Bananas. I risk my life daily, frolicking in danger zones and throwing caution to the wind because I always believed I had a gorilla to save my arse if necessary. Well I just fell off my pedestal...
Beauty and the Beast. It's all over the romance book community so I don't know if I believe what he said. I don't think he was looking at her the way I would look at my rats.
human females can be quite deceitful so waiting several fortnights before hopping in under the waterfall might be prudent.
are you immune to human pheromones?
are you immune to human pheromones?
Nasreen: The King Kong story was not written by an ape. Of that I'm sure. The author had a crazy fantasy of making a gorilla go nuts. She might well have been a hot young blonde.
Dr Ken: Godzilla was a lizard. I could never root for a lizard against an ape, no matter how foolish the ape was. Blondes were his only option in the movies.
Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I also noticed her low bosom! I didn't really like it, but I couldn't find another shower picture!
Jules: But I've known you much longer than a fortnight, Jules! Just let me know when you need saving - or a shower. ;)
Mary: I'm not quite sure how you look at your rats, Mary. Do you give them showers? :)
Mr Rosewater: Human pheromones smell like sweaty knickers to a gorilla. We don't wear knickers, so that isn't good.
Dr Ken: Godzilla was a lizard. I could never root for a lizard against an ape, no matter how foolish the ape was. Blondes were his only option in the movies.
Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I also noticed her low bosom! I didn't really like it, but I couldn't find another shower picture!
Jules: But I've known you much longer than a fortnight, Jules! Just let me know when you need saving - or a shower. ;)
Mary: I'm not quite sure how you look at your rats, Mary. Do you give them showers? :)
Mr Rosewater: Human pheromones smell like sweaty knickers to a gorilla. We don't wear knickers, so that isn't good.
Every time a gorilla befriends a human it leads to their demise. Look at Harambe. Maybe you should think twice about some of your friendships with humans, Gorilla.
Well, he wore his ballcap backward. So, you can be confident that that doofus hipster knew what he was talking about.
Pop Tart: Many things are, Ms Pop Tart. Look at Game of Thrones. Do you prefer perfume to pheromones?
Jimmy: Harambe was foolish. You have to observe humans very carefully and learn their habits before trying to interact with them. The same principle applies to baboons and crocodiles.
Jules: I think a tiara would suit you better, Jules.
AL: Was he really a hipster? I've never quite worked out what they are. I hope he wasn't lying about graduating from the New York Film Academy.
Jimmy: Harambe was foolish. You have to observe humans very carefully and learn their habits before trying to interact with them. The same principle applies to baboons and crocodiles.
Jules: I think a tiara would suit you better, Jules.
AL: Was he really a hipster? I've never quite worked out what they are. I hope he wasn't lying about graduating from the New York Film Academy.
I always thought Kong's infatuation was epically sad because there could not be a physical manifestation of the romantic desire because of the body size disparity, if you think about it. Kong would be destined to always need cold showers to dampen his "amore" for her as it would be an impossible union.
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