Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Russian passions

I’m pondering the words of a Russian model called Irina Shayk (pictured above). When asked if she would consider having intimate relations with a woman, she replied:

“No way, I’m Russian: I’m into men, caviar and diamonds.”

Are Russian women really so similar in their hobbies and pastimes? Although I’d be the last ape to deny that humans do have shared national traits, the only similarity I’ve observed in Russian women is the possession of somewhat sulkier faces than normal. Maybe it’s the cold winters that makes them irritable. Or maybe they only make sulky faces when people are looking at them. For all I know, they could be grinning like vixens when they’re alone in the shower. Nevertheless, it seems obvious that the fancies of these mysterious females can’t be summed up in a single sentence.

Being “into men” is a strangely general type of preference in any case. Although there are many fine specimens within the population of human males, perhaps of a quality that few Russian women would rebuff, it cannot be denied that plenty of cross-eyed vagabonds exist within the group. While Ms Shayk has every right to give them a blanket endorsement, she does the women of her country no favours by implying they share her lack of discrimination.

Liking caviar sounds like a more respectable preference, but it’s not without its moral objections. You could argue that no one who eats birds’ eggs should condemn those who eat fish eggs, but that would be ignoring the method of procurement. Obtaining caviar requires pregnant fish to be captured and de-ovarised, whereas birds’ eggs are harvested after they have been laid. Admittedly, no bird enjoys having its eggs pilfered, and some species, like the ostrich, will travel several furlongs to inflict dire revenge on the thief. Yet there’s a big difference between stealing unaccompanied eggs and sucking them out of a living creature. Female fish should have the right to lay their eggs in peace, like the birds of the world.

The last item on her list was diamonds. A woman might have good reasons for loving diamonds, but being Russian isn’t one of them. The honest Russian matron may be sentimentally attached to the stone in her wedding ring, but she does not wish to be covered in glistening gems, like an overpriced harlot. Ms Shayk sounds like one of those shallow women who want to be the trophy wife of a big shot. Maybe she should have a few counselling sessions with Martin Scorsese and Brian de Palma, who could convince her that being a gangster’s moll isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I can’t quite remember what happened to Michelle Pfeiffer at the end of Scarface, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t fly off to Tahiti with a suitcase full of cash.

The bottom line is that being Russian is no excuse for having poor taste. I’m sure Olga Korbut had perfectly sound opinions on men, caviar and diamonds – as well as supple limbs and a face like a cute little pixie.

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I always thought Russian women were all named Olga. And that they liked vodka, fast-moving bread lines, and Fifties-era tanks with turrets that don't squeak.

Granted, I might have a cold war era image of Russian women.

I watch a lot of old spy movies.
I have no idea about them...
Are there any women on the planet more materialistic than Russians? Is that all they think about? Sometimes stereotypes are born from a hint of truth.
Something tells me that Irina will likely get everything she wants....
she looks like an excellent candidate for mrs trump version 4.0
I expect that Irina is used to being indulged.
The indulged folks often have aspirations that are shallow. This seems to be her mindset. I bet more average Russians have far more elaborate aspirations and dreams like us regular folks here.

I really wish I had something snarky but...that's just such a bizarre over-generalization.
Nasreen: Olga is not actually a great name for a spy. It's an anagram for 'Gaol', which is the last place a spy wants to be. Tatiana and Anya were the Russian spies that 007 seduced. He may have seduced others we are not aware of.

Weekend Wind-up: You had no idea about Russian women? Well I hope this post will begin your education on the topic.

Exile: It's the image they have in the West, but I'd like to interview them in places like Vladivostok before passing judgement.

Jules: She does have a persuasive quality about her, Jules, but I hope she doesn't get everything. Being spoiled won't improve her character.

Mr Rosewater: I think the old fraud would have to provide the diamonds and caviar up-front to seal the deal.

Pop Tart: Yes indeed, Ms Pop Tart. In many ways.

Pipe Tobacco: I tend to agree, Mr Tobacco. Regular folk don't expect to be pampered with diamonds and caviar. Most will be happy with a trip to Disneyland.

Mr Bennet: Not to worry, Mr Bennett. I'm sure there are others who will fulfil the snark quota for this post.
Irina certainly looks lovely, but what if she needs to have a conversation? Do you really think she can do that, too? Eventually she will just be another old Russian woman in a babushka.
I wonder how all the other Russian women feel about what she said.
I'm confused. After the eggs have been laid? Or the birds? Which may actually be the same thing. Although not necessarily. I don't know birds.
Olga Korbut - how I've missed her. I have Russian blood, GB, but caviar, diamonds, and/or men never worked for me.
Jono: She may believe that repeating the words "men, diamonds, caviar" in a Russian accent will be enough to get her attention. But in the long run you're right - she ought to start a pension plan.

Mary: I'm guessing the lesbians won't be too happy about it.

Al: A guide to English usage says that only hens and bricklayers lay stuff. Have you ever laid a brick?

Robyn: You have Russian blood, Robyn? Sexy! ;)
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