Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Boob joke
Why is it that celebrity lawsuits take so long to settle? The gossip rags report that someone famous is being sued and you don’t hear a thing about it for months. I’m still waiting to discover the outcome of Elton John’s dispute with the bodyguard he allegedly groped. The wheels of human justice grind more slowly than a lap-dancing snail.
The latest legal battle currently in stasis involves Ellen Degeneres and a 35-year-old woman called Titi Pierce. In this case no groping occurred, although it might still happen if they meet in a dark cubicle. Titi is upset because she was referred to as “Titty” in Ellen’s TV show. Apparently, the correct pronunciation of her name is “Tee Tee”, and those who confuse it with a vulgar term for the breast are guilty of malicious hate speech. Her lawyer issued the following statement on her behalf:
“In all her 35 years of life, no one has ever referred to Ms Pierce as ‘Titty’ until the Defendant did so on February 22, 2016 on national television. Prior to the Defendent’s misdeeds, Ms Pierce has been called only by her name ‘Titi’, which as grammar dictates, is pronounced ‘TEE TEE’”
As a result of this appalling insult, his client “suffered stress, emotional distress, embarrassment, humiliation, anger, and other mental pain and suffering”. She might also have acquired a nervous tick and a zit on her butt. Yet no one can deny that making fun of an exotic name is a coarse form of humour employed by the lowliest wags. Ellen should hang her head in shame and make fun of her own breasts as a penance. She should also offer to pay compensation of not less than forty-six US dollars.
Nevertheless, I do find it amazing that no one had ever mispronounced Titi’s name before. Maybe she lives in a church-going community whose residents would never say the word “Titty”, not even if they saw a topless dancer shaking her jahoobies in their direction. However, Ms Pierce is a realtor, so she must have encountered people from all walks of life, including those who snigger at boob jokes. I suspect that many of her clients were suppressing their chuckles and calling her “Titty” behind her back.
Some women, of course, have more suggestive names than “Titi”. Fanny Cradock was a pioneering British TV chef, admired as much for her domineering personality as her recipes. Yet there is no evidence that anyone ever made fun of her name. Some might have been too scared to do so, but jokes of that kind would have fallen flat in any case. Having a humorous name is a minor distraction if you’re a ballsy woman who can stuff a turkey and mash potatoes at the same time.
The lesson for Ms Pierce is clear enough: People will only mock your name if they have nothing else to say about you. To put yourself beyond such foolish quips, you’ve got to raise your public profile and get a reputation for being a hard-ass uppity bitch.
Labels: Boob joke, Ellen Degeneres, Fanny Cradock, jahoobies
Comments:
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OMG. With a name like that, how can she not think it's bound to be mispronounced? Hell, upon reading your opening I read it to myself as Tity. I think someone is just looking for a raise in income you ask me, for tity implants maybe.
A lawyer wrote that "Grammar dictates" it be pronounced as "Tea-tea"? What the --?! I hate lawyers and humanity sometimes, like now. That Titi lady and her attorney are boobs.
My guess is that this was simply the first time a multi-millionaire pronounced it that way.
Big difference from when the guy bagging her groceries does.
Big difference from when the guy bagging her groceries does.
Mistress Maddie: I share your amazement, Mistress. Could it be that she's from Georgia and they pronounce "tit" as "teet" over there? I remember a cowboy saying "teet" in a Western. But cowboys are from Texas, not Georgia. Hmm
Al: The only consolation I can offer Ms Pierce is that her name is surely not the only thing that makes you think of titties.
Robyn: Yes, he's stretching the meaning of "grammar", isn't he? A lawyer will happily make a boob of himself for money.
Anne Marie: You should be on Ellen's legal team!
Ms Pop Tart: Maybe Ellen should offer to pay for her boob job. Begin and end with a titty to round off the case with elegant symmetry.
Nasreen: That's true, and it was said on TV. Maybe Titi does have a right to royalties, now that I think of it.
Ms Rosewater: I think she'd be satisfied with fan mail. Praise her wife too if you want to give her extra happiness.
Al: The only consolation I can offer Ms Pierce is that her name is surely not the only thing that makes you think of titties.
Robyn: Yes, he's stretching the meaning of "grammar", isn't he? A lawyer will happily make a boob of himself for money.
Anne Marie: You should be on Ellen's legal team!
Ms Pop Tart: Maybe Ellen should offer to pay for her boob job. Begin and end with a titty to round off the case with elegant symmetry.
Nasreen: That's true, and it was said on TV. Maybe Titi does have a right to royalties, now that I think of it.
Ms Rosewater: I think she'd be satisfied with fan mail. Praise her wife too if you want to give her extra happiness.
I'm with you on this one, Gorilla. There is no way in heck that this woman has not been called Titty Pierce before. Not buying for it. She's just looking for a buck.
Do you think her Titi's are actually pierced?
Do you think her Titi's are actually pierced?
I'm really surprised that no one else got her name wrong. Really surprised. I seriously doubt no one else ever did.
Hmm, I wonder if they will be able to prove the zit on her butt was all caused by Ellen mispronouncing her name.
Jimmy: Or Josip Tito, the late ruler of the defunct Yugoslavia. There's nothing worse than being confused with a dead dictator.
Dr Ken: My guess is they aren't pierced, Dr Ken. I don't think black women are keen on body piercing. They lack the required masochism.
Jono: Hah, she's never going to give herself a commonplace name like 'Susan'! That would be admitting that she's not so special.
Mary: I'm willing to believe her pet anaconda never called her 'Titty'. Why would it annoy her for no reason?
Cocaine Princess: It might not be something she wants people to know about, Miss Princess.
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Dr Ken: My guess is they aren't pierced, Dr Ken. I don't think black women are keen on body piercing. They lack the required masochism.
Jono: Hah, she's never going to give herself a commonplace name like 'Susan'! That would be admitting that she's not so special.
Mary: I'm willing to believe her pet anaconda never called her 'Titty'. Why would it annoy her for no reason?
Cocaine Princess: It might not be something she wants people to know about, Miss Princess.
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