Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The opposite of sex

Has Salma Hayek gone off sex? This is what she said in a recent interview:

“Sex is not the key to a happy marriage, but it's a side effect. Although not every day! If it's every day, it loses its charm.”

At the age of 49, she has every right to be less horny than she was at the height of her fecundity, but I can’t help getting the impression that the carnal pleasures have been relegated to a fairly minor role in her life. An educated gorilla knows how to read between the lines.

Of course, it’s far from clear that her 54-year-old husband would be able to deliver conjugal service on a daily basis. As a Frenchman he probably thinks he’s capable of that and more, but I suspect he’s secretly relieved that Salma isn’t more demanding. The last thing a man of his age needs is an insatiable wife.

She went on to make the intriguing suggestion that scuba diving is a satisfactory substitute for sex:

“I'm a diver, and I think this is the most sensual thing. It's liberating to move in the water, to float, to observe things that you cannot control, to be in touch with your breathing. I find that sexy.”

Fascinating though this perspective may be, I’m not taking a dip in the Congo River to test whether it’s correct. It contains too many hungry crocodiles that have no appreciation for sexy breathing exercises. If Salma wants to explore her sensuality by behaving like a fish that’s fine by me, but I’d advise her to keep well clear of dolphins. Anyone who’s familiar with the work of Sir Davy Attenborough knows that those slippery beasts are relentless sexual predators. They would not hesitate to press their advantage on a lone woman floating about in an erotic stupor.

I reckon the problem for famous actresses is that their lives and careers have become so sexualised that they find the whole thing unappealing. Even Sharon Stone has lost her appetite for casual fornication at the age of 58:

“At this point, I get more satisfaction from a smile, a laugh, a warm conversation or a really sexy look,” she told a magazine for retired people. “You know the way a man can look at you? Where you know he really sees you?”

Call me an innocent ape, but I’m not quite sure what this sexy look involves. When we gorillas make eye contact, it’s usually to scare off intruders or put cheeky upstarts in their place. My guess is that very few men have the cojones to look Sharon Stone directly in the eye – the image she’s created for herself in her movies is just too intimidating. Consequently, whenever she gets a friendly grin from a fellow who hasn’t seen her films, she’s ready to jump into bed with him. I'd wager a number of wily opportunists have put this theory into practice, but we won’t hear the details until they publish their memoirs.

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I am a huge fam of Selma and Sharon. I agree, if a guy has that right mischievous sometimes can be as good as sex..i say sometimes. Meanwhile, once off the coast of Florida, I was swimming and felt a nudging at my honey pot. Well I blamed my friend at the time of grabbing my package, only to find to my dismay a dolphin. So I totally believe your observation.
That's funny that this comes right on the heels of Susan Sarandon bragging about how much she has sex.

I don't know whether I believe either of them.

We have a right to know more.
I've been with the same guy for 25 years so I kinda agree, sex isn't everything. There's a lot more to a successful relationship than just a lot of sex.
I second mary's comment, cause I am in the same boat.

also, once menopause hits, the desire goes str8 down the loo! at least that was MY experience; I cannot speak for other women.

today I value conversation, good food, and good times. and porn and self-love.
Wish I had memoirs to write about. Maybe I do, but I can't remember.
excellent observation about the dolphins.

i'm still saving up my money for one of the sex robots.
Not ever, EVER, have I heard a Frenchman say he prefers the sensuality of his breathing whilst diving to sex with a fit bird. And you know how many French parties I've been to. However,now I re read his quote, maybe it was a euphemism...He's thinking about his mistress.
Mistress Maddie: I'm glad you didn't submit to the dolphin's advances, Mistress. You've got to draw the line somewhere. You should take it as a compliment that the dolphin liked your package.

Nasreen: That's a very good point. Maybe it's because Susan Sarandon is older than Salma and Sharon. At the age of 69 you need prove you're not past it.

Mary: How right you are, Mary. After 25 years, you've got to find other common interests.

Anne Marie: Well, if you like porn and self-love you must still have some libido. How would you feel about sharing a hot tub with one of Mistress Maddie's house boys?

Jono: We all have memoirs to write about. Your blog would be a good start, but you could also try hypnosis to uncover all those forgotten events.

Mr Rosewater: Be careful with the sex robots, they might not know their own strength.

Jules: Not even the great Jacques Cousteau would have uttered such heresy. Are you going to visit Louisiana, Jules? I believe the odd Frenchman lives there. :)
Maybe scuba diving is a good alternative to sex for those who are celibate. I know the late Pope John Paul II liked to go sledding.
I have a friend who's a professional extra in movies. He was filming some trite nothing with Selma and he said she was crazy. And not in the fun way.
dolphins, infrequent sex, Salma Hayek, Sharon Stone sounds like one bad poetry night rants.
I understand this happening, considering she's 49, but I'd rather her not tell us and let me think she's still the horny vampire stripper that she was in "From Dusk 'Til Dawn" for all eternity.
Too much sex is a bad thing? Hm, maybe I'm doing better than I thought I was, GB. Thank you for this one.
Jimmy: I never knew Pope JP2 went sledding! Those white robes he wore would have giving him excellent camouflage in the snow. He could have caught a few rabbits!

Exile: Maybe she was in character. I won't believe Salma is crazy until I hear it from her husband. Husbands are usually credible.

Dr Ken: Ah yes, the Tarentino movie. But wasn't she sexier with Antonio Banderas in 'Desperado'?

Robyn: I'm sure you're doing fine, Robyn. Anyone who writes sexy poetry is allowed to be choosy. ;)
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