Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Sudden impact

There is absolutely no reason for me or any other gorilla to have an opinion on breast implants. Nevertheless, I do remember pontificating on the topic in previous posts. I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I’m pretty sure I chided women who artificially inflate their bosoms. I might have quoted a saying of a mythical ape called Old Melonhead:

Be satisfied with what Mother Nature has bestowed upon you, for the fate of those who defy her is grievous to behold!

I now see it was quite wrong of me to lecture women who hire surgeons to enhance or reshape their boobs. A news story from Australia has forced me to open my mind and amend my judgements. What happened was that a 45-year-old woman collided with a kangaroo while riding her bicycle, causing her to receive a fearful blow on her chest. Fortunately for Ms Sharon Heinrich, her voluptuous silicone boobies came to the rescue and saved her from a mortal injury:

“My breast implants probably saved my life,” said Ms Heinrich, after being told her she was lucky to be alive.

Her sizable implants were naturally ruptured by the accident, so the quick-thinking surgeon replaced them with even bigger ones:

“Santa brought me 10 DDs in 2000, and it turns out they were 320 millilitres in size, but this time the surgeon put in 400 millilitres,” explained Ms Heinrich. “Australia can be a harsh country, so it’s best to be safe now,” she added. “I suppose I should be thanking the kangaroo.”

Much as I applaud her for holding no grudge against the kangaroo, she ought to have inquired after its health. I hope a bush ranger visited the scene of the accident to see if the creature needed medical assistance or counselling. The bush police should have also taken statements from witnesses to the incident. Although we can’t be sure who was to blame for the collision, a wild creature in its natural habitat normally has the right of way. The kangaroo may well have a valid insurance claim.

In light of Ms Heinrich’s fortunate escape, one could argue that breast implants are a vital safety precaution for cyclists, akin to air bags in motorcars. The main problem with making them compulsory is the expense involved in fitting them. And the same requirement would have to apply to men to avoid gender discrimination. It goes without saying that you can’t have men with titties riding on public highways – the accident rate would rocket because of motorists staring at them in horror, amusement or lust.

A more feasible solution might be the padded bra, filled with a firm yet elastic substance that kangaroos would bounce off without injury to either party. If that turns out to be the solution, we should name them in honour of Sharon Heinrich, whose brush with death sparked off the search for solutions. I should imagine that many advances in technology have been inspired by a woman’s jahoobies. 

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as a naturally voluptuous big boob broad, I don't need any plastic anywhere!

under the word "silicone" in the dictionary is a pix of kim krapdashian.
The fact that a woman having large boobs is preferred by guys may have a part in that.

Mine are small.
I'd think this hardly offsets the huge number of accidents caused by men staring at them.

Putting them on men would increase this tenfold.

It might be easier just to gentically engineer softer kangaroos, or maybe some with that built-in mechanism that makes cars stop before hitting a wall.
Well now I know: When I'm riding a bicycle and a kangaroo attacks me, stick my naturally voluptuous jahoobies out for protection. Thanks, GB. You know all the good survival tactics.
What kind of boob rides her bicycle into a kangaroo? You don't hear about the Welsh riding their bicycles into sheep, and they have 9 million of the fluffy buggers.
Well, NOW I have a reason for breast enhancement - collisions with kangaroos. I'm sure my medical insurance will cover it now fur shure!
Anne Marie: That's a good point, Anne Marie. Busty women might not need further protection when riding a bicycle. Do you think your boobies would make good shock absorbers?

Pop Tart: Some men prefer small ones, Ms Pop Tart. "Small is virginal" they say.

Nasreen: I don't think it's right to mess around with a kangaroo's genes. You can't blame them for getting obstructed by a woman's adornments. Maybe teaching cyclists evasive manoeuvres would be a more appropriate measure.

Robyn: Thank you for mentioning your jahoobies, Robyn. It's always a great pleasure to be reminded of them. ;) I would rather have them protected with a padded bra. :)

Chris: Well, kangaroos move rather more quickly than sheep and I believe they are better jumpers too. Having said that, I wouldn't trust the Welsh to avoid colliding with their sheep from time to time.

Tami: Don't be too hasty, Tami. I'd advise you to have your breasts checked by an expert in kangaroo behaviour first. They might be sufficient to withstand all but the most burly marsupials.
That kangaroo should be sued for sexual harassment as well as a few other things
...and cue the new personal airbag...
Mine are DD's but they're all natural. So I guess I'm ok to walk among the kangaroo's. lol
I carry my personal airbags wherever I go; I would imagine they would protect me against kangaroos, sheep, and other small mammals.
Bush Ranger? That sounds like a great job. As long as the ladies don't mind.
I like small ones. Enhanced ones are the worst. My rolly-polly Italian mom had big ones. That's what big ones remind me of. Mommy. Not sexy.

Was anybody asking?
Jimmy: You can't sue a kangaroo, Jimmy, it's not legally a person. You might be able to force it to do errands for you, though.

Jules: If only they could inflate on impact, Jules. The late Benny Hill would be grinning in his grave.

Mary: Congratulation, Mary! You could smother the life out of any cheeky kangaroo!

Anne Marie: But maybe not goats - beware of the ones with horns!

Al: You should visit the Australian bush before saying that. Men have perished in its dense, sticky undergrowth.

Exile: You make me wonder why any men like busty women. Could it be that they want to be reminded of momma?
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