Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Dolly's denial

As I suspected, the rumour that Dolly Parton is a lesbian was too good to be true. An American tourist on safari told me she had frequent slumber parties with a woman called Judy Ogle, who was supposedly her lesbian lover. He also asserted that the husband she claims to have has never been seen in public. It was Dolly herself who put these insinuations to bed in the best possible way:

“If I was gay, I would have come out of the closet just a-flying!” she declared in a recent interview.

Apparently her husband is just a publicity-shy fellow who shuns the limelight, whereas Judy Ogle is a bosom childhood friend who never intentionally touched Dolly’s bosom. You can’t assume someone is a kitty-muncher just because her name is ‘Judy Ogle’. Many people are burdened with suggestive names that don’t reflect their true nature.

Of course, I wouldn’t blame the Velcro vixens for hoping that Dolly was one of their number. Anyone can see that busty lesbians are in short supply, so Dolly would have given the sisterhood some much-needed chesticular gravity. The flat-chested, short-haired, trouser-wearing stereotype isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and recruiting a well-stacked player for the A-team would have won them new fans.

Another myth that Dolly could have helped to explode is that lesbians are not especially keen on booby action. I don’t believe that anyone who is attracted to women would downplay the jahoobies – certainly, no one attracted to Dolly could do so. Maybe Ellen Degeneres should make a public statement clearing up the misconceptions on this topic.

What Dolly has clearly demonstrated is that you don’t need to be gay to be a supporter of gays. She was quick to apologise when she found out that a female visitor to her ‘Dollywood’ theme park was told to reverse a t-shirt displaying a pro-lesbian slogan. After issuing a statement on ABC news, Dolly announced her support for gay marriage rights:

“Sure, why can’t they get married?” she said. “They should suffer like the rest of us do.”

This is all well and good, but I hope Dolly checked the t-shirt slogan was appropriate for a family venue. “Lesbian and Proud” would be fine, but “Hot Dyke Action at” should be reserved for the bars and clubs.

It seems the queer community are solidly behind Hillary for president, although I’m not entirely sure what she’s done for them. Is there anything she could do after getting elected, besides offering the usual words of support?

If I had Madame President’s ear, I would advise her to invite the surviving members of ‘Village People’ to perform in the White House. It would be great to see them prancing about in their costumes again. It’s a little known fact that ‘YMCA’ is a beloved classic among the gorillas of the Congo, even though we have no idea what YMCA stands for. That’s the great thing about pop music – you can enjoy the songs without having a clue what the words mean.

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my fave village people guy was the construction worker.

dolly and her husband just renewed their wedding vows - for their 50th anniversary.
I just adore Dolly Parton! A down to earth class act, big girls and all! She is just how celebrities should act and carry themselves.
YMCA is a Christian organization, which I just love.

I was unmarried for so long that everyone back in Ohio started to assume I was gay (because, to them, that's logic). If I was gay, I'd be gay with a mad vengeance. There'd be no supposing.
Dolly gay? No way!
What are jahoobies, pray tell?
I thought you were going to say that Porter Wagoner had been a woman all along.
Anne Marie: Not the cowboy, Anne Marie? Why would a girl prefer a helmet to a ten gallon hat?

Mistress Maddie: You are so right, Mistress! I heard her girls went on a crash diet, so they're not as big as they used to be. :)

Exile: Did they amend their beliefs when you got married? They might still think you're an Oscar Wilde type.

Pop Tart: Jaboobies are a lady's twin adornments, Ms Pop Tart. ;)

Nasreen: I leave such speculative remarks to the historians, Nasreen. Who am I to determine the gender of a dead human?
bill and hillary haven't been intimate for decades so maybe hillary is a carpet licker.

or most likely she's just a frigid old bag.
It would be hard to not ogle those jaboobies, GB - for another woman, or a man, or an ape.
How can anyone NOT touch Dolly's boobs, they're impossible to avoid!

I'm so glad to have a boring name.

Young Male Chimps Association is what it stands for but don't tell the gorillas...
Young Men's Christian Association.. There used to be a YMCA 5 minutes from where I live. There were rooms where young men could rent and have a place to stay. Included in the rent was a meal a day in the cafeteria, and you could use the gym and pool. That's why the song goes "young man!" and talks about how it was fun to stay at the YMCA because you could practically be poverty stricken and have a decent place to stay for very cheap rent.
I used to teach aerobics at a YMCA that still rented rooms upstairs. The place had quite the reputation, if you know what I mean.
Gotta love the Village people. They were so animated when they performed. I never thought Dolly was a lesbian, I knew she was married plus she is so outspoken that if she was I would think she wouldn't keep it silent.
Dolly must have lower back issues trying to support all that top heaviness. She has always been a classy lady, though, despite her obvious mutations.
So she is not a lesbian and supports Hillary. I do no see the connection of LGBT supporting Hillary, especially when Milo Yiannopoulos stands with Trump.
Mr Rosewater: Bill wouldn't have married her if she was frigid, but I doubt he'd object to her drinking from the furry cup.

Robyn: Very true, Robyn. I gave up trying to avert my eyes from them a long time ago! :)

Jules: I've never found your name boring, Jules. 'Smith' is actually an shortened form of 'Psmith', who was a P.G. Wodehouse character. I have nothing but sympathy for young male chimps, who endure much bullying from old male chimps.

Jimmy: That's very interesting, Jimmy, but isn't it sexist to have a club just for young men?

Mr Beard: Did any clergymen visit the place? A Christian association must have ministers of the church to maintain its reputation.

Mary: I never thought she was either, Mary. It's a pity Dolly never performed with Village People - she would have made an excellent fag hag. :)

Jono: I believe she did have back problems, which caused her to have bosom reduction surgery. I hope it alleviated her discomfort.

Sophie: I've never heard of Milo Yiannopoulos, but he sounds like a token queer to me. Trump will never be a gay icon, no matter how hard he tries.
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