Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Trumpy pumpy

Donald Trump! Donald Trump! He’s the only person the tourists on safari want to talk about. Scarcely a week passes before another fresh-faced actress has a nightmare about him. These starlets need to toughen up. “Better a nightmare than a wet dream” is what I say.

Although I’ve commented on Trump’s antics before, I resolved to hold my peace when he became a presidential candidate. A gorilla should remain aloof from human politics unless the politician in question is trying to imitate a gorilla. Trump looks a bit like an orang-utan, but I don’t think he’s trying to mimic one. A real orang-utan is more deadpan and laconic.

“So why are you breaking your vow now?” I hear you ask. Well, it came to pass that someone referred me to an article about Trump’s wife Melania. It’s a very long article which you shouldn’t bother reading unless you’re planning to spend time on the lavatory. You’d have to be pretty constipated too. However, it takes no time at all to observe the pictures of Mrs Trump, which indicate she’s an exceptionally attractive woman. Trump may have been a boorish oaf to say he had a prettier wife than his rival, but he certainly wasn’t lying.

Beautiful though Melania is, the article suggests she’s not the smartest cookie in the biscuit tin. Yet I would hesitate to describe her as a bimbo who married Trump for his money. Although it must have been part of the attraction, the article suggests she wanted an older man who was fatherly and (by her standards) wise. Some women need to be looked after by Daddy.

This led me to a thought about the likely aftermath of the upcoming election in November. When Trump’s Republican rivals dropped out of the race, I saw fear in his eyes. It was the fear of getting his buttocks caned by a woman. If Hillary wins (as she surely will), Trump would be a broken and humiliated man. After such a debacle, he would be in no condition to protect his wife, let alone keep her satisfied in bed.

Call me a fanciful ape, but wouldn’t this be the perfect opportunity for Hillary to steal Melania’s heart and make her the second lady in the White House? It would be a moral fable worthy of Aesop to see a mighty braggart like Trump have salt rubbed into his wounds. And no woman could feel safer than when lying beside the president, with the secret service outside the door, peeping through the keyhole.

Some might say that such a sensational development would make America a laughing stock in the world. I dare say a lot of hostile pundits in the Eurasian landmass would be sniggering and making satirical remarks. But behind their smirking faces, they would be stunned and amazed by this act of audacity. The closeted lesbians in their own communities would be thrilled and energised, eager for the taste of liberation on their own tongues. For the first time since Neil and Buzz hopped about on the lunar surface, America would be speaking for humanity. 

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If Donald Trump manages to win the presidency, his wife Melania Trump, the Alchemist,will be the first foreign-born first lady since John Quincy Adams’ spouse, Louisa Adams.
hillary is smarter than the bimbo melania. hillary and bill probably haven't slept together in years!
Thiis could get very interesting!
The people in Europe probably wouldn't even be able to understand why such a ho hum story was making the news.

America, meanwhile, would be caught up in it mainly because of Bill Clinton accidentally saying on an open mic that he thinks the whole story is pretty hot.
I never thought of that, GB. It's brilliant. There'd be brains, beauty, and Bill in the White House. What more can a Presidential Intern want?
old bill must be drooling every time he looks at the lovely melania. or maybe he has marla maples stashed away in his cabin.
Goodstuff: Thank you for that remarkable nugget of information! I don't believe she's an alchemist, though, she wouldn't waste her time on quack science.

Anne Marie: If they haven't slept with each other in years, who HAVE they been sleeping with?

Ms Pop Tart: It's already that, Ms Pop Tart! But it does have the potential to provide further fascination.

Nasreen: Don't you believe it! - the Europeans aren't that cool about the sexual intrigues of politicians. Lesbianism would be the New Black!

Robyn: Are you sure Bill's going to be there, Robyn? I don't think Americans want him prowling about the White House after everything that's happened. And how could Hillary trust him to keep his hands of Melania?

Mr Rosewater: I think Marla Marples would be better for Bill at this stage in his life. Hasn't he had bypass surgery?
Not exactly right. Trump is more an orange-utan.
If... IF for some reason Trump would win, get the safari ready, I am coming to live with you noble Gorilla. I have talents which to earn my keep. His wife surely didn't marry him for his hair either.
You'll hold your peace? Ha! I'd like to see that happen. As long as it's not holding your piece. That, I've no interest in.

When I hear Mrs. Trump talk, I feel like I'm in a second-rate strip club.
I will say this much-- Melania's outfits are far more better & fashionable than Hilary Clinton's wardrobe.

She's good for cigar dipping.
"..eager for the taste of liberation on their own tongues." You do have a wonderful turn of phrase Mr. Gorilla Bananas.
So we've had a white president, a black president and if Trump gets elected we'll have an Orange president. I can't even imagine how far the US will sink if Trump becomes president.
Al: More of an orang-utan than a gorilla, I'm glad to say.

Mistress Maddie: You would be most welcome, Mistress! We'd have you climbing trees in no time. ;)

Exile: What's the difference between a second-rate strip club and a first-rate one? A man of your experience must know, right?

Cocaine Princess: The age difference is also in her favour, Miss Princess. Clothes tend to look better on an ovulating woman.

Jules: Thank you, Jules! The double entendre was an accident. Honest! ;)

Mary: I think Trump wants the USA to sink down to the other side of the globe and push China into space, Mary.
He's all i see on new channels and FB. Melania and trump deserve each other.
Wow gorilla, that's quite a prediction, but if something so astonishing would happen, this would surely be the year.
>>... If Hillary wins (as she surely will)

I'll bet six bunches of bananas against one six-pack of beer that Trump not only wins the election but that he Trounces, Thrashes 'N' Trashes Hillary. In other words, a huge landslide victory.

Anyone wanna take a chance on winning 6 bunches of bananas?

~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'
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