Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Tales from the Orient

I’m feeling rather conflicted about the Chinese government’s decision to forbid nubile young women from seductively eating bananas on live video streams. On the one hand, the banana is a noble fruit that should never be used as a substitute for the human phallus. To treat a soft sweet delicacy like a piece of meat is an act of culinary barbarism. On the other hand, it’s nice to see Chinese girls behaving coquettishly and exploring their naughty side. Such frivolity is a breath of fresh air after decades of Communist orthodoxy, when they got a reputation for wearing pigtails and repelling cheeky boys with a chopstick in the eye.

The aim of the ban is to stop the practice from “harming social morality”, but the debate it has provoked on Chinese social media indicates it may not be effective:

“They will all start eating cucumbers, and if that's no good, yams,” wrote one sceptical observer.

This is a very good point. A woman’s mouth is capable of hosting an endless variety of foodstuffs. If you ban the sausage she will chew on the carrot; if you ban the chocolate finger, she will suck on the lollipop. The items don’t even have to be edible if she only intends to toy with them. She could suck on a pen or a didgeridoo. It’s a waste of time trying to control what goes in a woman’s mouth. The Chinese authorities would know that if they had more experience in regulating harmless vices.

I suspect they took this action because they fear that such displays will turn those who view them into sex-crazed satyrs. Swarms of horny young men are a threat to any authoritarian regime. The sexually frustrated are reckless and insolent, quite capable of reacting to repressive measures by running amok and defacing statues of Chairman Mao. If you want to control the human masses, you’ve got to numb their cravings and keep them docile.

The Japanese, of course, are far more sexually liberated than the Chinese. Their erotic websites are full of women eating bananas, often while wearing school uniforms. Penile objects are everywhere. The vagina, however, is still taboo.

Many moons ago, I wrote a post in support of Megumi Igarashi, the Japanese artist who makes artefacts modelled on her vagina. The good news is that Ms Igarashi was recently acquitted of the charge of making a kayak that looks like her vagina. The judge ruled that you can’t be sure it’s a coochie because of the psychedelic paintwork. The bad news is that she was still fined $3,700 for sharing data from a 3D scan of her lady parts. I will look for a website where people of conscience can make a contribution to her expenses.

The conclusion I draw from these stories is that human obscenity laws usually involve banning women from doing stuff rather than men. It’s a blatant example of sexism that must be squashed like a cockroach. Women should be allowed to do whatever they want.

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that is also true in this country; it's ALWAYS the woman's fault (abortion, jobs, children, sex, money, etc.) no nudity allowed; we're prudes. if females ruled the world...
If a woman were to eat a banana with a fork, would that threaten guys?
Running the tape backwards is funny too!
Why I haven't enjoyed a banana split in some time.
I keep my banana enjoyment in the privacy of my bedroom, GB. This? This is blasphemy!
I was 22 before I saw my first banana. Scottish you see. I was very sceptical when told what to do with it. Mind you, I've never looked back.
Anne Marie: That's terrible, Anne Marie. Maybe things will change when Hillary is elected. She'll make sure the real culprits are blamed for those ills.

Pop Tart: Quite possibly, Ms Pop Tart. It would depend on how vigorously she forked the bananas and the look on her face when she did it.

Grand Crapaud: Yes, that's good for a laugh! Are you commenting on the right post, though?

Mistress Maddie: I hope I have inspired you to revisit that gastronomic delight, Mistress. Don't forget to add the crushed nuts!

Robyn: I would expect nothing less of a nice Jewish girl, Robyn. But you shouldn't feel it's wrong to write about such experiences. ;)

Dr Maroon: Maroon, you old sea dog! Back from the dead! I won't say "like Dracula" because you always had more class than that poncey bloodsucker. I still re-read your post about the Muslims and the Irish whenever I need a laugh. God knows why those humourless gits made such a fuss about it - anyone can tell you're 3/8th Irish yourself. I hope the first banana you were served was a ripe one. If you start off with a hard one, it could put you off for life.
I guess I am lucky to live in America where we take obscenity for granted.
being called a banana is a huge insult to many chinese; yellow on the outside but white inside. I try to never use chinese and banana in the same sentence.
And now I want a banana split with chocolate ice cream and hot fudge.
The least you could've done was provide a few URLs to illustrate this fad. Aren't the silverbacks driven mad with desire when bananas are eaten?

Despite all my strange reports from the art auctions, I've never once employed a 'vaginal art' tag.
Well, men could use bananas to...oh, dear Lord, I've said too much already.
Jimmy: But do you have a tradition of sexy banana-eating, Jimmy? It doesn't seem very American to me.

Billy: That insult is used by Chinese to describe other Chinese. I doubt it would be interpreted as serious slur from your lips.

Mary: I'm glad to have stimulated your appetite, Mary. :)

Exile: Bananas are just food to silverbacks - our tummies may rumble, but our loins remain calm. I think you should review the work of this Japanese lady.

Al: With plenty of lube, I presume.
But I can see why the Chinese government are threatened by bananas. I mean, there's a lot to be jealous of. Chinese men don't want their women getting used to having their mouths full.
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