Wednesday, April 06, 2016

Legal wrangling

An email correspondent asks me whether I’m going to comment on the sexual harassment lawsuit against Elton John. To be honest, I was hoping to avoid the subject. Sexual harassment is one of those vices that humans feel obliged to denounce in very strong terms lest anyone doubt the sincerity of their disapproval. Yet there are obviously wide variations in the degree of aggravation caused by deeds of a different nature. I know from experience that no one has much sympathy for a 500-pound gorilla who is the victim of an unsolicited butt massage from an infatuated human female. In such a situation, the gorilla is expected to shake the woman off gently and provide her with counselling and a souvenir.

Now, Elton John is a man I have grown to admire. I strongly approve of his commitment to family life, which includes marriage to a trouser-wearing husband and two beloved boys produced by a surrogate mother. He is also a musician of note. Some may argue that my high regard for Elton makes me biased in evaluating the allegations against him, but I shall strive to be impartial. As a former circus ape, I have plenty of experience in mediating between feuding humans.

The name of Elton’s accuser is Jeffrey Wenninger, a former police officer in the LAPD. The alleged incidents occurred while he was working for Elton as a security guard. According to Wenninger, Elton committed the following misdeeds:

1) Telling Wenninger to “get your todger out and say hello to Uncle Elton”;

2) Attempting to grope the said todger with his hand;

3) Twisting Wenninger’s nipple while saying “you gorgeous thing, you”.

Elton’s lawyer has issued a strong denial, but I’d be lying if I said I found it convincing. I remember seeing Elton talk about his sexual preferences in a chat show. It clearly irritated him that heterosexuals were unable to appreciate the attractions of their own sex, while he had found sleeping with women perfectly tolerable. He didn’t seem like the type who would wait for subtle cues before trying it on with a man who took his fancy.

In spite of this, I just can’t find it in me to sympathise with Wenninger. To put it bluntly, a former LAPD officer shouldn’t have allowed a silly old queen like Elton to harass him. How can a man who has apprehended hardened criminals be cowed so easily? Elton may have been hardened, but he certainly wasn’t a criminal. One firm tweak of his nose would have put him in his place.

All of these considerations make this a very difficult case to judge. Wenninger has probably exaggerated what happened to bolster his claim for damages, but there’s no smoke without fire. Elton clearly did something to him, but it was most likely nothing worse than behaving like a silly old tart. I hope it is settled out of court for a nominal sum of money and a souvenir dildo from Elton’s private collection.

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I don't believe it, GB. One of the comments on the page suggested Elton John may be suffering penile dementia. That's a bit more likely than outright harassment, I suppose.
Never heard of penile dementia but it makes sense with some guys.
I hadn't heard about this until now. Rich guys still haven't figured out they are going to get sued if they grab the help?
and we all know that members of the LAPD never tell fibs.

i'll wait to see if the glove fits elton's hand.
Hell, whether he did or didn't, who knows. but I'm old fashioned. If your in a sexless relationship, or single and want to feel someone up, I say just call in a professional, so you can't be sued. For the right price they'll let you do anything.
"Todger?" Seriously? You Brits have a way with the lexicon. None of us would be discussing this if Elton were a subway motorman instead of a billionaire. He can twist my nipple for a lousy $100K.
Robyn: You've researched this better than me, Robyn, because I didn't even notice those comments! Elton should add you to his legal team!

Pop Tart: Is any penis entirely sane, Ms Pop Tart?

Nasreen: I'm glad to the bearer of fresh news, Nasreen. Maybe rich guys think the help should be honoured to receive such attention.

Mr Rosewater: Glove? I don't want to hear more about this if fisting was involved.

Mistress Maddie: That's very sensible of you, Mistress, but what if you wanted to seduce someone? Pop stars like Elton have a high opinion of their abilities in this regard.

Exile: You've made me think of Monty Python's Hungarian phrasebook sketch, when the Hungarian guy cries "My nipples explode with delight!" on being arrested. I think someone should pay you $100K to act in that sketch.
"Hardened" criminals?
They must have been excited.
Cops lie, it's a fact. So I wouldn't believe anything this guy said.
I wonder if he sang "rocket Man" at the same time....
'Elton may have been hardened, but he certainly wasn’t a criminal.'

Straight Outta Panto. Marvellous. I'm inclined to agree, GB. This law enforcer should have been more than able to handle an unexpected advance by Mr Dwight's Tiny Dancer.
All I can say is this must be one dainty officer. If he wasn't able to ward off the unwanted advances of the delicate likes of Uncle Elton... I think he might benefit more by actually using his gym membership & getting a shot of testosterone to become a stronger male specimen than from a hand out from the queen which he accuses. I bet this 'officer' can't even grow a beard.
I'm going to sue Elton John for sexual harassment too. True, I've never met him but it'll just be my word against his, right? Sorry to drag your name through the mud, Elt, but my mortgage isn't going to pay itself.
Al: Being chased by a policeman can have that effect.

Mary: Wouldn't a cop be embarrassed to admit Elton groped his todger?

Jules: I suspect he was saving his voice, Jules. But he may have hummed it.

Mosha: Has Elton appeared in Panto? He'd make a marvellous Fairy Godmother.

Mr Beard: Yes, he does seem to be having issues with his masculinity. Maybe he needs to go back on the beat to rediscover himself.

Mrs Table: I'll help you make up a good story, Mrs Table. I can imagine Elton not being able to keep his hands off your bum! ;)
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