Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Britney's dangerous obsession

It’s been a long time since I said anything about Britney Spears, which I feel I should apologise for. Not to my readers, who are probably glad of the hiatus, but to myself. Britney, you see, has been in my thoughts for a long time. She caught my attention many years ago, when she shaved her head and her coochie, allowing the paparazzi to take pictures of both of them. These were clearly the acts of a desperate woman having an emotional breakdown, which aroused my concern for her wellbeing. Somehow she survived that crisis, gradually expunging the gremlins in her head, and re-emerging triumphantly with her career back on track and her head full of hair. The state of her lady garden remains unknown, but I’m confident it’s being tended to with due care and attention.

Now Britney has recently been in the news for making it known that she wants to have a romantic relationship with Leonardo di Caprio:

"Britney has insisted she'll do whatever it takes to catch Leo's attention,” said a well-placed source.

You might think she’s being too forward in her pursuit of di Caprio, but that would be ignoring his previous attempts to seduce her:

“Leo always had a crush on Britney,” said the source. “When they saw each other at a party a few years ago, he made a play for her, but she wasn't single at the time.”

So why has the deal not been sealed? It seems that di Caprio is worried about becoming the de facto stepfather of Britney’s children, aged 9 and 10, sired by the oafish rap singer she was once married to.

“Leo's made it clear he likes Britney but everyone knows he's not interested in settling down or playing stepdad to her kids,” said the source. “She would have to be OK with knowing it would never be anything serious.”

It’s fascinating that these negotiations are being conducted by intermediaries, as if di Caprio were the Holy Roman Emperor trying to make an alliance with the Queen of Bavaria. Call me a sceptical ape, but the stepfather issue looks like an excuse to me. Britney’s children already have a biological father (oaf though he may be), and the rich can afford any number of nannies to ensure their kiddies don’t hinder their love lives. The fact that di Caprio has stated in advance that he doesn’t want anything serious suggests to me that his intentions are not honourable. I fear that he wants to use Britney like a sex doll and deposit her in the dumpster after he’s finished.

If I had Britney’s ear, I would tell her straight out that di Caprio is a heel unworthy of her amorous feelings. A mother of 34 years must put aside her girlish infatuations and wise up to the wicked ambitions of the dandy and the poodlefaker. I’d hate to see her go through another episode where her head resembles an ostrich egg and her cha-cha is exposed for public desecration. 

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leo reminds me of george clooney; go out and have fun and don't settle down until you are 50+. truth be told, I have often wondered if leo is gay.

as for britney, she is a has-been.
"It’s been a long time since I said anything about Britney Spears" I am sorry, I don't see the issue. But I will say this, I'd have much more respect for her is she stayed a single mother and a power, successful business woman.
Leo should be careful what he says.. I have no reason to believe Britney would do this, but there are many mothers who would take out the frustration of being rejected for this reason on their children. At least that's what I learned from watching reruns of "Good Times" and ABC Afterschool Specials when I was a kid.
Poodlefaker? I love that term!

I think that Britney should remain chaste vis-a-vis Leonardo. She owes it to America to set a good example.
i think leo could probably fit her in every second tuesday. his dance card is pretty full from what i've read.
Britney Spears? She was one of those old timey singers from the nineties, right? I hope her and the guy from Titanic find happiness in their Golden Years.
Anne Marie: Well, Kate Winslet said Leo put his tongue in her mouth when they kissed in Titanic, so maybe he's bisexual. Britney is making a comeback!

Mistress Maddie: I don't think she's that kind of woman, Mistress. Having a man in her life seems to be part of her DNA. Maybe what she needs is a bi-curious experience with a strong woman who could be her role-model.

Jimmy: I never saw those shows, Jimmy, but those were very poor messages for impressionable children. I hope you also saw 'The Partridge Family', which offered a much better example of family life.

Pop Tart: I hope so too, Ms Pop Tart. America should see that a woman can turn down a famous actor.

Mr Rosewater: Yes, I'm sure that would suit him very well.

Nasreen: She was a bubblegum girl singer in the nineties, but her current work has the maturity of a seasoned matron. I would guess that finding happiness in his golden years is not currently a priority for di Caprio.
I'd love it if Britney and Leo hooked up. Always searching for comedy gold mines.
You're sweet to have raised concerns for Britteny's wellbeing, GB. Not to upset, but I think Leo is a bit too good for her. Then again, he hooked up with Rhianna, so his standards are fairly low.
She's a little bit crazy so he'd be wise to stay away from her.
She should still bag him, poodle faker or not. It would look good on her CV.
It might've been a long time since you said anything about Britney, but I do notice that you keep returning to the subject over and over. What would Freud make of that?

Britney is going to have to get in line, I'm afraid. Leo runs the biggest pussy parade in L.A. In that town, a pretty face is a dime a dozen. Barely a commodity at all, really.
Mmm, speaking as a woman, I'd leave Mr Di Caprio well alone, Britney, unless you too only want another notch on your bedpost with no strings and no expectations. If you're looking for anything more you're barking up the wrong tree.
Al: Would you be able to dig it up before Britney's butler got his hands on it?

Robyn: He supports all the worthy causes, Robyn, but that doesn't mean he's pure of heart. Britney is the vulnerable one here.

Mary: I don't think she's as crazy as a female gorilla, Mary. Only a sissy man would fear Britney.

Jules: I doubt being the plaything of a poodlefaker would help her career in the long run, Jules. Maybe if she had his baby it might help.

Exile: There's no need to bother Old Father Freud with my avuncular feelings for Britney. What did he know about gorillas anyway? Thanks for confirming di Caprio is the louche character I thought he was.

Mrs Table: Good advice, Mrs Table. No honest woman should bark up di Caprio's tree.
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