Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Pants down incident
Whenever I hear of a human having a clothing mishap it makes me glad to be a gorilla. Ivan Zvonimir Cicak, pictured above, is a Croatian human rights activist whose trousers fell down at the precise moment he accepted an award from the president of his country. The last time I saw something like that happen was back in my circus days, when the clowns dropped their baggy pants as a joke. Not all jokes are funny, of course. I certainly wouldn’t have laughed at Mr Cicak’s involuntary debagiture, although I might well have applauded. It isn’t everyday that a man in boxer shorts is honoured by the president of his country.
Mr Cicak is probably too old to let an incident like this get him down. With any luck, his wife will tell him what a sexy pair of legs he has and slip a Viagra pill into his bedtime drink. If I were his publicist, I would put out a statement saying that the mishap occurred because he had burned off his belly fat after cycling through the hills of Krapina. Far better to let your pants fall down than be a fat slob who slouches in front of the TV eating Big Macs and McNuggets.
A very different type of sartorial malfunction has bedevilled Ms Rita Ora, who is strangely blasé about the fact that her breasts have frequently popped out at public events.
“It's fun,” she insists. “It has happened to me lots so I am not paranoid about it any more. You end up losing track of them.”
Reading between the lines, I detect a woman who is exceedingly proud of her puppies and wants the world to admire them as much as she does. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I don’t personally like it when they bounce out unexpectedly. The sudden exposure of external organs can easily be mistaken for threatening behaviour in the jungle. A snake would certainly hiss at a woman’s jahoobies if confronted by them at close quarters.
You are probably wondering whether a free-living, laid-back ape like me ever wears clothes. Well I did perform in a pair of scarlet pantaloons in the circus, but I never really felt comfortable in them. A gorilla likes the air to circulate around his nether regions. Since then I have been pantless, although I do sometimes wear a waistcoat to reassure the tourists at the safari guesthouse that I’m not the sort of beast who would punch their lights out if they expressed themselves too freely. The manager of the safari camp uses such occasions to make what he considers to be amusing quips:
“I say, m’lud, will you be taking tea in the conservatory?” he once asked me in a poor attempt to mimic an English butler.
“I shall be taking my tea in your mistress’s bedchamber,“ I replied. “She has complained of a lumpy mattress and would like me to install a hammock.”
“My arse you will!” exclaimed the manager heatedly.
Labels: Breasts, jahoobies, pantaloons, pants down, waistcoat
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my boobs are for me myself and I alone. only sluts (like rita and mariah and beyonce et al) plop them out; they have no respect for themselves.
if I ruled the world, there would be no clothes.
if I ruled the world, there would be no clothes.
Funny how the incident didn't seem to phase anyone in the picture, except the woman to his right. This may surprise you gorilla but I have never had a wardrobe mishap.
p, And Anne Marie says her boobs are for herself alone? Funny, because when we went to luncheon once, they could have used their own chair!
It's not as though you have a credibility issue but I really did think you were kidding about that man's pants falling. I had to click on the link and read the story. I'll never doubt you again. Forgive me.
Getting caught with your pants down is a common situation in my land, Mr.Gorilla Bananas.
I noticed Rita wearing a "hardly attached to ones mammaries" dress on the X Factor the other evening. She kept on fiddling with it which was annoying but now I understand why. There are enough boobs on that TV programme as it is.
I noticed Rita wearing a "hardly attached to ones mammaries" dress on the X Factor the other evening. She kept on fiddling with it which was annoying but now I understand why. There are enough boobs on that TV programme as it is.
Anne Marie: It will be a glorious day for humanity when you rule the world, Anne Marie. Would you allow your loyal subjects to kiss your nekkid boobies?
Mistress Maddie: I wish I could join you and Anne Marie for lunch, Mistress. I could push up one of her boobs and you could push up the other. :)
Pop Tart: I'm sure you blushed like a lady, Ms Pop Tart. Were you wearing a bra?
Billy: The Lord puts his hand in mysterious places!
Exile: I put up the links especially for sceptics like you. One day I might show you a photo of my scarlet pantaloons.
Jules: Isn't that a family show, Jules? She ought to appear on a German sex programme if her boobs are yearning to break free.
Mistress Maddie: I wish I could join you and Anne Marie for lunch, Mistress. I could push up one of her boobs and you could push up the other. :)
Pop Tart: I'm sure you blushed like a lady, Ms Pop Tart. Were you wearing a bra?
Billy: The Lord puts his hand in mysterious places!
Exile: I put up the links especially for sceptics like you. One day I might show you a photo of my scarlet pantaloons.
Jules: Isn't that a family show, Jules? She ought to appear on a German sex programme if her boobs are yearning to break free.
American late night tv talk show host Johnny Carson was fond of dropping his pants in public. Maybe Ivan wants to host Croatia's version of the Tonight Show.
My boobies pop out all the time too, but only when I'm home alone and I wouldn't call it "fun." If you ask me, GB, that girl needs to get a life and some dignity.
I think that 'Shirtless Lovers' chap has rather spectacularly failed to grasp the metaphorical mammary gland of your philosophy.
Al: It might work for my females too after I show them your blog photo.
Fearsome Beard: I don't doubt that for a second, Mr Beard. You surely have enough hair down there to keep you warm.
Mary: Yes, perhaps it's the shape their tummies acquire.
Jimmy: That's a very surprising titbit, Jimmy. Wasn't he a semi-serious interviewer of famous people?
Shirtless Lovers: You might find more takers on Mistress Maddie's blog, Sir.
Robyn: That must be one of the perils of being a busty lady, Robyn. I promise you I'd very very forgiving if it happened in my presence. ;)
Mosha: Hello, Mr Mosha! Long time no see, as they say in Hong Kong. The Shirtless chap may be an associate of Mistress Maddie, but I referred him to that blog on the off chance he's a newbie.
Fearsome Beard: I don't doubt that for a second, Mr Beard. You surely have enough hair down there to keep you warm.
Mary: Yes, perhaps it's the shape their tummies acquire.
Jimmy: That's a very surprising titbit, Jimmy. Wasn't he a semi-serious interviewer of famous people?
Shirtless Lovers: You might find more takers on Mistress Maddie's blog, Sir.
Robyn: That must be one of the perils of being a busty lady, Robyn. I promise you I'd very very forgiving if it happened in my presence. ;)
Mosha: Hello, Mr Mosha! Long time no see, as they say in Hong Kong. The Shirtless chap may be an associate of Mistress Maddie, but I referred him to that blog on the off chance he's a newbie.
The question is, does that draw attention to their cause or does it draw attention just to the "jahoobies?"
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