Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Once a week

A psychologist is claiming that human couples are happiest when they have sex once a week.

“It’s not necessary to have sex as frequently as possible,” explained Amy Muise of Toronto Mississauga University.

Dr Muise didn’t say how often she does it, but her picture indicates she might have to wear a chastity belt to remain celibate for six days out of seven. Maybe her partner is a Zen master with infinite powers of self-restraint.

Now, humans are the only primates who aren’t sure how much sex they should be having. The other apes just fill their boots whenever the females are in season. “Make hay while the sun shines and salad during the rainy season” is a famous gorilla proverb. What makes humans different is that their mating activities are more often recreational than procreational, like a game of tiddlywinks or hide-and-seek. However enjoyable such pastimes are, they inevitably get tiresome and repetitive if you engage in them too frequently.

The ignoble fate suffered by certain rock stars, found dead in their hotel rooms with ball-gags in their mouths, is distastefully relevant to this discussion. Why do these deranged cokeheads wank themselves to death in bizarre strangulation episodes? The only explanation is that excessive debauchery with eager groupies has made conventional copulation too boring for them.

The life of the sex maniac is nasty and brutish. The Marquis de Sade developed a passion for dildos, ordering his wife to bring custom-made appliances to his prison cell. A historian writes:

Incited by his usual mania for numbers, Sade obsessively recorded the number of “introductions” (by which he seems to mean sodomitic masturbations, with or without orgasms) he enjoyed with the help of his devices. It is hard to know how seriously this mathematical exercise should be taken. By December 1st, 1780, only two and a half years after his return to Vincennes, he had recorded 6,536.

It’s difficult to know what to say about such behaviour. Is there any doubt that the silly old pervert would have led a more contented life if he hadn’t been so obsessed about raping his butt? If you let something pleasurable become an addiction, the pleasure turns into something manic and desperate.

I’m not convinced, however, that once a week is ideal for all humans. My old circus buddy Smacker Ramrod used to get antsy if he hadn’t had sex for a week, sometimes biting pieces of wood in frustration. And when he did eventually get laid, the women were often dissatisfied by the speedy service he rendered. He had to force himself to think about Latin irregular verbs to keep himself going for longer.

So Dr Amy Muise has the right idea, but her advice is overly prescriptive. It’s easy to draw erroneous conclusions by taking the average of a large sample. She should make her data public so we can give it a thorough examination. There must be many examples of happy couples having crazy monkey sex every day.

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He gets antsy if he doesn't et sex more than once a week? I'd be more than antsy!!! Now I'm not saying I require sex everyday, but it is nice to enjoy it three or four times at least. But, i's the quality of the nook for me, not the quantity.
what's sex? that ship sailed a long time ago (for me). personally, I prefer self-love; it's just better!
Two or three times a week keeps Angel happy!
i would think that a sample of only men would yield different results than a mixed sample.

and i don't think it's a mere coincidence that many mature men end up with younger mates.
If only Charlie Sheen, Jared Fogle, & Lamar Odom had this information earlier perhaps their lives would not have taken such a tragic turn. I will blame you Gorilla for being so late in publishing this info for the public.
Psycho babble! Why do these do-gooders ruin everything. She/ he has probably never been laid and has a face like a smacked arse. Talking of which, also very good for circulation and rosy cheeks.
Once a day with a large glass of wine after( and before if you like, I’m not judging) sets you up for happier days.
Mistress: How right you are, Mistress! There's no point doing it everyday if it's as memorable as squirting jam in a donut. I hope yours is as good as icing a cake!

Anne-Marie: Whatever you do has my blessing, Anne-Marie. Do you use toys?

Pop Tart: That sounds more normal to me, Ms Pop Tart. Are you talking about Angel in The Rockford Files?

Billy: Do mature men want more frequent sex than mature women? I would guess it's pretty much a toss up.

Jimmy: You'll have to blame Dr Muise, Jimmy, because she published the research quite recently. Poor Charlie Sheen! Do you think he would have taken advice from a gorilla?

Jules: I think daily sex is better for women than for men, Jules. I read somewhere that it improves a woman's hand-eye coordination and performance in track and field events. Men only benefit if they're bullfighters.
Reminds me of a a joke (what doesn't?).
The short version...
A professor was giving a lecture and asked, "How many people have sex once a day?"
A few people raised their hands.
"Once a week?"
Several more.
"Once a month?"
A smattering of sad people.
"Once a year?"
A man in the back jumped up and down, excitedly raising his hand, saying, "ME! IT'S ME!"
The professor, incredulous, said, "I said once a year, you know that?"
"Yes, I DO know that!"
"Then why are you excited???"

If Charlie would have taken advice from anyone it would be you or his father Martin.
The thought of weekly sex practically gives me an orgasm, GB. I'm like that man in Al's joke. In fact, I'm the woman. It's my night. Woohoo!
After being with the same guy for 25 years, once a couple of weeks is fine with me.
How can anyone take a metric like that seriously and think it’ll apply to the masses? Hell, I’ve gone long, long stretches without and have felt pretty okay. Have you ever had sex to become pregnant? It can be bloody tedious. It’s about as erotic as a medical procedure.

You’re right. She’s yummy.
Al: That joke is like one of Aesop's fables. I hope it was his birthday too.

Jimmy: Do you think he'd call me 'Uncle Bananas', Jimmy?

Robyn: I'm sure you have better orgasms than the man in Al's joke, Robyn. His ones are probably over before they start.

Mary: That's not so bad, Mary. You could use it to remind you when to wash the sheets. :)

Exile: Man, you sound like a worn-out bull that's spent too many years in the stud farm!

Tuesday, December 01, 2015
50 Shades of Aesop
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