Wednesday, October 21, 2015

She said she said

Yoko Ono has revealed that John Lennon wanted to sleep with men but was too inhibited to explore his queer side:

“John and I had a big talk about it, saying, basically, all of us must be bisexual,” she recalled. “And we were sort of in a situation of thinking that we’re not doing it because of society.”

In evaluating Yoko’s claim, let us note that she is 82 years of age and no less batty than she was in the sixties, when she was organising “bottomfests” in Germany. Her “big talk” with John might have occurred in a hallucination fuelled by Siberian ginseng. It’s well known, of course, that the Beatles’ manager was gay and probably wanted to sleep with all four of them. But Brian Epstein was a private man who was terrified of getting caught with his pants down in an era when “gross indecency” could land you in prison. His intimate encounters were conducted anonymously with rent boys and Mediterranean gigolos.

If John Lennon really wanted to sleep with a man he would surely have made a pass at his song-writing buddy Paul, who was pretty enough to be a gay beauty queen. Maybe he secretly wanted to. The only sure way of getting to the bottom of this mystery would be to ask our local voodoo witchdoctor to convene a séance where he would allow Lennon’s spirit to take possession of his body. Before you snort in incredulity, please note that he has successfully channelled a number of dead singers, including Elvis Presley and Perry Como. I can reassure Elvis fans that their idol had no desire to sleep with a man, although it’s quite likely he wanted to sleep with his mother. I’d say that was pretty normal for a white boy from Mississippi.

But enough of tittle-tattle. As a gorilla who prides himself on fair-dealing, especially in jungle fruit, I disapprove of telling tales about the dead. If you want to know something about show business performers, have the good manners to ask them directly, preferably when they’re still alive. In some cases, of course, the performers will answer the question before it’s been asked. Did Miley Cyrus wait for people to inquire whether she and Stella Maxwell were munching their mutual macadamias? Not a bit of it! The couple staged a bean-flicking show so the media could obtain the photographic evidence. There’s nothing like pre-emptive disclosure to kill all the malicious gossip.

To prove that she’s still fond of men, Miley is planning to give a concert with an all-male band that I’ve never heard of called The Flaming Lips. The gimmick will be that both she and the band will perform in the nude while being sprayed with a milky liquid that may, in fact, be milk. Obviously they are many questions one could raise about this event, but why should we ask them now? Miley will tell us everything we need to know before milk is dry on her shapely little boobies.

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I wouldn't have sex with ANY of these people! I have my standards, ya know.
"The gimmick will be that both she and the band will perform in the nude while being sprayed with a milky liquid that may, in fact, be milk." For once, I'm not asking any questions.
Miley Cyrus never ceases to astonish me with her antics.
john lennon, mick jagger, david bowie.....

i remember being a kid and it seemed like a day didn't go by without some male dog trying to hump my leg. males are hard wired to hump anything that moves.
About the last thing John Lennon was worried about was what society thought of him.
I'm not surprised John Lennon wanted to sleep with men because Yoko is bonkers and the current, female celebrity you mention is a packet of cheese and onion crisps short of a quick lunch. Milky liquid, indeed. I'm sure there'll be plenty of "just as fucked up" crazies ready with their hose sprayers to help her out.
It seems Yoko has always been a bit weird. I wouldn't believe a thing that woman says.
Anne Marie: Not even Brian Epstein, Anne Marie? He was a real English gent, like Colin Firth. You wouldn't have even noticed he was gay!

Mistress Maddie: Haha, Mistress! Actually, I think you'd be the perfect big sister for Miley. :)

Ms Pop Tart: Yes, she's hungry for attention, among other things.

Billy: Are you talking about rock stars or dogs, Billy? Or are you saying there's no difference?

Jimmy: That's partially true Jimmy, but even unconventional people have their weak spots. How would you feel if everyone knew you had a pet goat?

Jules: Let's hope there are medics on hand to help those with milky liquid allergies. An all-body condom might be the best bet.

Mary: Her memory may also be faulty, Mary. Did you see her short film about the human bottom?
Gossip Goat is not my pet, but rather a colleague. Shepard Steel is a sheep.
colin firth (drools)

THAT would be a night to remember!
Whomever and whatever someone wants to have sex with...couldn't care less, really.
I will say this, though. The only man I will allow to touch "Little Al" is me. doctor.
Uh, oh.

But, that Miley thing? Yeah. That's sounds repulsive.
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