Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Political news

A Peruvian prostitute is seeking election to the country’s legislature. Angela Villon Bustamante (for that is her name) made the following announcement on a popular TV show:

“Vote for me and I’ll make Congress a more respectable brothel.”

As a political slogan, I would say it’s the sex worker’s equivalent of Motherhood and Apple Pie. Unfortunately her official campaign video is in Spanish, so I can’t give you the details of her platform. I asked the manager of the safari camp whether he had a bilingual guest who could translate her manifesto into English – his inquisitive nature required me to fill him in on the details.

“What’s all this to you?” he asked with an insolent grin. “Are you thinking of inviting Miss Busty-man-tits to join your harem if she doesn’t get elected?”

“Your satirical remarks will not deflect me from my purpose,” I replied. “Do you have a Spanish-speaking guest or not?”

“Not at the moment,” said the manager. “But if anyone called Sancho Panza or Speedy Gonzales makes a booking, you’ll be the first to know.”

There are those who would say that candidates like Angela make a mockery of the democratic process. I would argue than human institutions need to be continually revitalised by fresh ideas. It’s incredibly boring for a gorilla to listen to politicians pontificate about the same old issues in the same old way. An experienced courtesan like Angela (she is 51 years of age) would have the ability to think outside the box and come up with new positions. And if necessary, she could think inside the box and adopt the same old positions. Prostitutes are flexible and can adapt to different situations.

Of course, Peru is a minor thicket in the political ecosphere and Angela is unlikely to make it much bushier. The big jungle is the USA, where everyone is currently mesmerised by Donald Trump and his campaign to be the next American president. It seems he got ahead of the pack by the ingenious tactic of saying the first thing that came into his head rather than applying careful forethought to his utterances. To the average voter, this made him sound “genuine” rather than an ignorant buffoon.

I knew Trump would be a force to be reckoned with when he said that a woman who had annoyed him had “blood coming out of her you-know-what”. It was astonishingly daring of him to imply he had intimate knowledge of her menstrual cycle. Presumably he did not, so it must have been an audacious bluff. He reminded me of a crazy baboon I once saw chasing a lioness and trying to bite her tail.

One can only imagine the grievous calamities his reckless behaviour might cause if he ever became president. His hair also resembles a dead furry animal, which means that other world leaders would not take him seriously and snigger behind his back. Clearly he must be stopped, but who is going to beat him now that Hilldog’s campaign is faltering?

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I would consider beating him, but can't decide on fists or a blunt instrument. Or better yet, the Truth with a capital t.
(t)rump is a fucking joke, as are all the GOP candidates.

I am studying bernie sanders myself.

is it wrong to wanna bitchslap (t)rump's face until it bleeds? or the hair falls off?

It's like he is wearing a squirrel on top of his head!
Who knows... anything can happen. It would be fascinating to see Donald Trump vs. Bernie Sanders (if the Illuminati would even allow such a match up to take place).
yeah, trump might be a little nuts but the rest of the republican candidates are a lot more than a "little nuts".
Bustamante….you couldn’t make that up. I like her tagline though!
She’s 51?! Blimey - wonder what she’s been using as a face pack. Maybe Donald should try some of that male ‘you know what’.

Jono: I think using a bamboo cane would make a more satisfying noise.

Anne Marie: Is he related to Colonel Sanders? There's much to be said for a president who could serve a mean friend chicken lunch at the White House. Trump would be a better man he knew what it felt like to menstruate.

Ms Pop Tart: I wondered whether it was a raccoon pelt when I first saw it.

Jimmy: Maybe an impresario like Don King could arrange the match at a suitable venue. Do you think Bernie Sanders would have a better chance if he were related to Colonel Sanders?

Billy: Is Bush III nuts? He seems quite lacklustre to me.

Jules: She's certainly a fine looking tart, Jules! I don't know how old Trump is, but he looks every day of it.
I don't see how being related to Colonel Sanders would hinder anyone's political career... yes, it would probably help if anything.
When I asked Mrs. Penwasser to go with me to pick up a bike, she declined. Something about a menstrual cycle.
I don't know if Walmart has any of those, but I gotta think they'd be messy.
(t)rump is 69 (heh heh heh).

bernie is not related to the colonel; the colonel is dead.
Trump is just too annoying. I can only hope that he doesn't get elected.
Looking at the Peruvian's photo, she'd get my full support. Yep, I'd like to put something in her box. The smutty innuendo just keeps on coming - oops, there's another one!
She'd win hands down in the US. She'd blow all the candidates away. She'd rise above, and put Trump in his place - below, well below. I'd like to see her take head of the GOP, GB.
Jimmy: That's what I thought, Jimmy. Maybe the Colonel himself should have run for president.

Al: Have you considered being Trump's speech writer? I think he'd come across better as a comedian.

Anne Marie: Who would you guess was better at oral sex, Anne Marie - the colonel or Trump?

Mary: Maybe one good tampon joke would sink his campaign.

Bryan: I bet you'd stuff her ballot box to get her in Congress.

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, you should write a poem for her! 'An Ode to La Bustamante'.
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