Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Short shrift

A British woman has been given a “suspended sentence” for stabbing her boyfriend in the shoulder. Apparently this means she won’t go to prison. She has also patched things up with her boyfriend, who after recovering from his injury has resumed his courtship of her. Fortune favours the furious female, as we say in the jungle.

In fairness to the woman, the stabbing was not unprovoked. During one of their arguments, her boyfriend had called her “a dwarf and a midget”. Although she is undeniably short in stature, she had a right not to be called names by one who professed to be her lover.

The picture of the couple above displays the disparity in heights. It’s remarkable that she managed to reach the man’s shoulder. She must have plunged the blade while jumping in the air, which is no mean feat for a novice in the art of batto jutsu. It would have been much easier to deliver a wound to the belly or groin, causing untold damage to the man’s vitals. Maybe this was one of the mitigating factors that persuaded the judge to treat her leniently.

Another interesting aspect of this case is that the boyfriend initially told the police he had been attacked by an unknown assailant. The truth only came out after the couple had a brief separation. Did he reverse his decision to shield her from justice after getting dumped? If so, he is a man of weak character. You can’t go back on a decision to forgive a woman just because she won’t sleep with you. That’s behaving like a whiny little bitch.

Now it goes without saying that a petite woman is nothing like a dwarf. I speak as one who worked with dwarves during his circus career. Dwarves are bow-legged creatures with big heads who are sexually attractive to fetishists and masochists. Petite women are generally well-regarded and admired by the wider community. Some might say Miley Cyrus is an exception to the rule, but I wouldn’t agree with them. Look at the number of fans she has.

My favourite petite woman is Charlene Tilton, who played Lucy Ewing in Dallas. I remember some insufferable TV critic calling Lucy “the poisoned dwarf”, a nickname which sadly caught on among the boorish and the insolent. In my estimation she was the best character in the show, courageously fending off the sarcastic barbs of JR and the others while single-mindedly pursuing her own passions amid all the scheming and skulduggery.

It’s also worth pointing out that Charlene is no waif. Unlike Miley Cyrus, she has a remarkably full figure. On balance, I would say that it’s better for a petite woman to have an ample bosom. Otherwise, she might look too boyish and attract the wrong sort of man. Could this also explain why Charlene never had a bi-curious phase in her life? Maybe I’m wrong about this, but women who experiment with same-sex dalliances never seem to have big boobs.

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let's see, I am 5'3" and have big boobs. what does that make me?
That sure is a some story, hope next time it won't be worse. At least they are back together, that should count for something. Greetings!
Oh my favorite Gorilla, I have missed you! And now love you all the more for loving Lucy Ewing.Alas the updated reboot got the boot, but was nice seeing Lucy again. And I may appear tall in my post, but many gay guys call me a toss a about!!!!!! I had my 5'7 good!!! Meanwhile This guy should be relived she didn't pull a Lorena Bobbit.
What a strange relationship. The man in that photo certainly looks much happier than the woman.
Crazy people staying together. I see it all the time.
An ample bosom is always good regardless of the height of the woman. I also speculate that the knife wielding lady's own impressive décolletage probably saved her boyfriend's life... it prevented her getting too close and thus plunging the knife in too deeply.
So does having big boobs forgive all? I'm not well endowed; I guess I better behave myself.
Anne Marie: As you recently disclosed that you'd never had a bi-curious episode, it means you are further confirmation of my theory. Thank you, Anne Marie!

Blogerati: The fact that they are back together does indeed count for something. A couple are made for each other if they can agree that a knife wound is a just penalty for calling someone a dwarf.

Mistress M: I would say 5'7 is the perfect height for a drag queen. Anything taller and the illusion becomes hard to sustain. Delighted to hear you're also a fan of Lucy, Mistress! Does Charlene get invited to any gay events?

Michael: I suspect it is physically impossible for her to make a happy face, Michael.

Mary: Do you still have crazy neighbours, Mary?

Steve: Now why didn't I notice that? I suspect you have an eye for such things.

Pop Tart: Not at all, Miss Pop Tart. You would have my absolution whatever the size of your bust.
This petite woman with ample bosoms is in full agreement, GB. However, I'm still attracting the wrong sort of men. Never thought about a stab to the shoulder strategy. I'll carry a step ladder around to achieve this when/if ever I have my next dates. Will keep you posted.
he obviously picked the wrong dwarf for a mate. i hope he goes for happy or dopey next time. grumpy is a recipe for disaster.
That's his girlfreind?!! It looks like his mom. Don't tell her I said that. You don't want to hurt the feelings of someone who stabs people willy-nilly.

Untold damage and unimaginable pain, don't forget.

Dallas?!! You are dating yourself, my friend. I didn't imagine you were old enough to know what Dallas was, much less comment on it's content.
I was just perving on some Charlene from Dallas google images on my laptop in the coffee shop when some random naked shots starting coming up in the mix that may or may not have been her. If anyone for sure saw that I was looking at nudey pics, I would say "It's the gorilla's fault!" Then they would surely take me to the funny farm. Anyway, good call. She is fine. Those short hot little numbers are called "spinners." They're great.

But the stabbing woman . . . not so good. And doesn't she look way older than the other guy? I agree that when they get in arguments and she is stabbing him with a knife, they really shouldn't reconcile. Who's to say that at a later date he will mutter "midget" at her before passing out after a Jack Daniels bender, and she will lop his wiener off. He's playing with fire.
When I read stories like this it makes me realise how mundane my life is (thankfully).
My daughter-in-law's sister decided, after her divorce, that she prefers women and she has really big boobs. Her girlfriend doesn't though, she has short hair and tattoos, instead. I think it was Terry Wogan who called Lucy the poison dwarf, wasn't it? My small son used to call him Hairy Wogan, presumably because he was reputed to wear a wig. I don't know if he did, though.
Robyn: I was hoping you would remind me of your ample bosom, Robyn. It's been a long time since we last discussed it. :) I would suggest you try a few pinches before resorting to stabbing.

Billy: Dopey is certainly the prettiest of them, although it doesn't appear that looks are very important to this man.

Exile: Maybe wants a girlfriend who looks and behaves like his mother. Dallas is America's most famous export after Star Trek and the Jumbo Jet. How could I not know about it?

Dr Ken: "It's the gorilla's fault!" is not a defence that ever holds up in court, Dr Ken. As for the woman, the expression on her face probably makes her look older than she is. In England, they would say she " has a face like a slapped arse". Nice that you appreciate Charlene.

Bryan: Well it might get more never know what fate had in store for you.

Z: Your daughter-in-law's sister sounds like a fascinating woman. Would she consent to us seeing a picture of her? Wogan certainly wore a wig and still does - your son should have called him Hairpiece Wogan.
You should watch Miley's latest video ... It now has more dislikes than likes, and the comments were turned off, so she may be losing her fans (though I hope not).
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