Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Sticks and stones

Can you believe that men are scared of Sharon Stone? This is what she says:

“Guys run away. People bought into the story that I'm a sex symbol but I'm not really. I'm really the girl with the baggy clothes and the bag of books.”

“I wish more guys would throw themselves at me,” she added.

What kind of poltroonery is this? I’d like to unleash a raiding party of female gorillas on the men of America to teach them what real fear is. Why anyone would be scared of Sharon Stone is a mystery more puzzling than the Bermuda octopus. Admittedly, she did play a woman who kept an ice pick under her bed in Basic Instinct, but that was just an acting role. I’d be amazed to find the spindliest bodkin beneath her bed in real life.

Sharon’s bewildering predicament prompted me to give Smacker Ramrod a call. My old circus buddy has never failed to shed light on anthropological anomalies of this sort. This is what he told me:

“I wouldn’t be scared of her myself, but I can see why men with fragile egos would find her intimidating. They assume she’s been serviced by the finest studs on the planet and fear they’ll be found wanting in the bonking department. The fact that Miss Stone has demonstrated her expertise at faking orgasms on film would do little to reassure them.”

I thanked Smacker for his explanation, which I have since given some thought. Is being judged a mediocre lover by Sharon Stone really a prospect to be dreaded? You’ve still slept with her, after all, so how are you down on the deal? Surely a man in that situation should just shrug his shoulders and say “C’est la vie”. You can’t have everything in life.

One fellow who probably wouldn’t be scared of Sharon Stone is a cyclist who made a spectacle of himself during a nude bike-riding event in England. It seems that the exposure of his private parts to a crowd of onlookers caused him to become sexually aroused, provoking much dismay and consternation.

“Everyone was taking their clothes off to get ready for the ride,” said one witness. “I heard gasps and I turned around – it was a horrible sight.”

Fortunately, the police were at hand to pull the man aside and give him a stern lecture. He was instructed to put on a pair of trousers.

My only reaction to this story is to marvel that a human could be so similar to a baboon in his bodily responses. I’ve seen more baboon stiffies than I’d care to remember, which is a perpetual hazard in the jungle. The golden rule is never to react with a show of emotion, which would be taken as a sign of weakness. Just maintain a poker face and attend to your affairs without interruption.

Baboons are vulgar exhibitionists who have no fear of their fellow primates, but their erections are no more dangerous than Sharon Stone.

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that "erection" don't impress me much.

guys are afraid of sharon stone because she is SMART; most guys despise intelligent women. they want an empty-headed barbie doll to fuck.

I've run into that myself. I like intelligent men that get me.
I heard Australian model Megan Gale say the same thing. Men are just insecure when it comes to that because they still don't know what women actually want. I include myself there.
I adore Sharon Stone, and she is very under appreciated by the Hollywood machine you ask me. And her best advice and much like myself, is safety first" I drive with my knees. Otherwise how can I put on lipstick and talk on the phone." and don't get me started on the baboon penis.........
I remember a Saturday Night Live skit with Sharon Stone where frightened men are trying to approach her in a bar. One of the men is Adam Sandler and all he can think to say to her is "pencil?" Most of what I see on the internet these days are women complaining about unwanted attention from men, so it seems men are receiving mixed signals from the fairer sex on this topic.
dearest sharon; women throw themselves at me. i don't throw myself at them.
I'm perplexed, GB. Some of our friends are too kind to support her, I believe. I mean, really?! "Baggy clothes and a bag of books?" Is that a euphemism for "skimpy outfits and big bosoms that I fail to contain"? That's the only way her quote would make sense.
Sharon Stone clearly needs to take up cycling to meet the right kind of man.
Anne Marie: That's a very plausible theory, Anne Marie. I remember writing a post about a woman who was getting donations from men to make herself look like Barbie. Have you ever been impressed by an erection?

Michael: Men who want to know what women want should try reading Cosmopolitan and other similar magazines. They are really very informative.

Mistress Maddie: It's a pity you don't know her, Mistress. I bet you'd be great buddies and share a lot of tips about lipstick and knee positions. I'd love to read your report on the baboon penis after you've studied the picture sufficiently.

Jimmy: That's a good point, Jimmy. Maybe women don't mind being approached if you choose the right words. "Pencil" doesn't seem quite sufficient.

Billy: Do you catch them in your arms, Billy?

Robyn: It's not the image one normally associates her with, Robyn, but we've only seen her at public events. Maybe she looks like that when she's taking a holiday in Vancouver. I wonder if anyone recognises her when she's wearing baggy clothes?

Steve: She might be spoiled for choice, but where would she put the baggy clothes and the bag of books? The baggage problem has killed the best laid plans.
I think guys are afraid of Sharon Stone because of what they might catch. Plus, the thought of wearing a full-body condom is off-putting.
I loved Sharon Stone in the film "The Muse." Really great film!

BTW, I've heard of the Bermuda Triangle but never a Bermuda Octopus.
My b.f. and I went skinny-dipping and he had that problem.. He was more uncomfortable than I was.
She's an icon for a good reason. :)
did i tell you about my encounter with a monkey at a pet shop ? it appeared that i had turned him at some point. hmm.
Perhaps no one is scared of Sharon Stone. Perhaps she just has bad breath. Or bad manners.
Al: What??!! You're talking about a woman who's won France's top artistic award, the Chevalier des Arts, for her services to world culture! For a patriotic American you've got a funny attitude to your national heroes!

Cocaine Princess: I will remember to see that film, Miss Princess. The Bermuda octopus is even more mysterious than the Bermuda triangle. :)

Miss Pop Tart: I hope you told him not to worry about it. It's really the greatest compliment he could have paid you.

Lux: Well said, Miss Lux!

JJ: You mean he fancied you, Jaya? You've got a cute face, so it's not that surprising.

Nota Bene: It's most unlikely that a woman of her experience would have halitosis.
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