Wednesday, June 03, 2015

New marriage, old divorce

I got an email from a blog lurker asking me why I hadn’t congratulated Ginger Spice on her wedding, which occurred last month. Having previously anointed Ginger as the Spice Girl I’d most like to eat, this was indeed a regrettable oversight. I apologise profusely to Ginger for my lapse, and wish her all the blessings that matrimonial co-indulgence can bring.

Ginger’s husband is a suave-looking fellow called Christian Horner, who at the age of 40 is only two years younger than his wife. Fortunately, this age difference is too small for Ginger to be called a cougar or her husband to be called a toy-boy. I predict the marriage will last longer than J. Lo’s last one or Madonna’s next one.

Now Christian Horner is a slightly odd name for a human, but not sufficiently strange to indicate his parents were upstarts or anarchists. It is actually a hybrid of ‘Hans Christian Anderson’ and ‘Little Jack Horner’, which implies a consistent theme. The man is apparently a former racing driver, so he might be in a hurry to prove himself. If I were Ginger, I would install speed bumps in the driveway and a portrait of Gerard Depardieu above the marital bed. As the senior partner in the marriage, she should be the one who sets the tempo.

Perhaps if Ginger’s husband were famous his name wouldn’t seem odd at all. It is certainly less peculiar than ‘Art Garfunkel’, yet no one twitches a nostril when that name is mentioned in the art galleries and saunas of New York City. Art has recently been in the news for describing Paul Simon as “an idiot” and “a jerk”. He considers these harsh epithets to be justified because Paul chose to end their musical partnership in 1970.

"How can you walk away from this lucky place on top of the world, Paul?” asked Art of his former comrade-in-song.

But was Paul really “walking away” from success? Given that he wrote all the songs, it might be more accurate to say that he kicked Art out of the band, possibly because the hairstyle was getting on his nerves. My only regret about this divorce is that it destroyed Paul’s ability to write great songs, much in the same way that the other Paul lost his mojo after leaving The Beatles.

Does being in an unhappy situation inspire artists to produce great art, possibly as a form of escapism or self-mollification? We don’t know much about Shakespeare’s life, but he must have suffered episodes of gloom and despair. That much was inevitable in a society where farting in the presence of nobility was a banishable offence.

Perhaps I should spend a few days in a tree overhanging a mangrove swamp to see whether I can compose some tunes on my recorder. If misery is what’s required, there are few more miserable places in the Congo. If the tunes are any good, I’ll release them in an album called ‘Bridge over Troubled Crocodiles’.

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you made me spit diet pepsi all over my screen!

ginger has NOT aged one tiny bit since her spice girl days.
Well, I had no idea she got married either!!!! And what a handsome couple. Now my favorite Spice girl was always Emma Bunton, or Baby Spice. I think she is the only one still doing music, and I really enjoy her style and newer music. Course truth be told, I love to be best friends with Victoria. I would gain her trust, then snatch her and lock her in a tower, where she would be presumed dead. Then I could console David, and let the magic unfold.........
bridge over troubled crocodiles sounds like a winner to me. ginger spice bears a striking resemblance to agent scully of the x-files.
Yes, Garfunkel's hairstyle was reason enough to part ways. They're having a Redhead/Ginger Fest nearby this weekend. Hopefully, Ginger will be flying in for the festivities.

Misery does not always produce great art. One only has to consider the output of most goth bands to see the truth of this.
Is there even a such thing as friendship anymore? Seems like people just get sick of each other and decide to part ways for seemingly no good reason. At least Paul and Art have done concerts together over the years. That's more than I can say for the friends that Garfunkeled me.
You're funny, GB. His hair style would require its own zoning laws. Do you suspect Art and Simon were lovers? The media has suggested this, but it's never revealed (as far as I know). And Ginger's husband is YOUNGER? That looks like her father in the photo. Oy vey. Us humans are a strange breed, aren't we, GB?
Anne Marie: That's a wonderful compliment to pay Ginger, which I heartily endorse. I might have to borrow it if I ever write her a fan letter.

Mistress M: Haha, you have great confidence in your powers of seduction, which may well be justified! I wouldn't bet against you bedding Mr Becks, but it might end in heartbreak.

Billy: Ah yes, I remember that redhead. She was attractive, but I prefer Ginger.

Julie: A redhead convention sounds like a splendid idea! There are probably a few orang-utans who would have wanted to attend. However Ginger may still be on honeymoon.

Steve: It's amazing the new things you learn by keeping a blog. I never knew there was any such thing as a "goth band". It sounds like a peculiar affectation that I will try to avoid.

Jimmy: You have my sympathy, Jimmy. I hope you find a kindred spirit who will never desert you, like Butters in South Park.

Robyn: You're so right, Robyn, he does look older than her. Ginger is too fresh and lovely for that old fart. I never had the slightest inkling that Paul and Art were lovers until you mentioned it just now. I wonder if Paul is ashamed about it.
I didn't congratulate Ginger Spice because I didn't get an invitation to the wedding.
Ginger looks really pretty at her wedding. I haven't seen her in years and years.

And Art's hair is outstanding.

You're right about Paul writing everything, but Art had those panty-dropping vocals that got it done in spite of his awful appearance.
I have to agree with Kenneth's comment in regards to Ginger Spice looking pretty.

As for Art's hair--- it kinda looks like some weird science experiment. I wish he would comb it!!
THAT'S Ginger Spice?! My lord! What time has wrought. A 'former' racing driver? And that prepares you for what? Pizza delivery? Livery cab? Good thing she's got big pounds.

As far as I can tell, Paul never walked away from his lucky place on top. Art is just a jealous little bitch.

My daughter loved The Spice, not so much.
Al: Maybe it got lost in the post. If you wanted to go that badly you should have offered to serve drinks.

Dr Ken: Did women really drop their panties for Art, Dr Ken? I'm not convinced he could deliver what his voice promised.

Cocaine Princess: I don't think combing would have helped, Miss Princess. He really needed to shear it.

Exile: You shouldn't compare Ginger with how she looked when performing with the Spice Girls. That look was all heavy make-up and tight dresses. She now favours a more natural appearance.

Mary: Do you know which Spice Girl was your daughter's favourite, Mary? Everyone should have a favourite Spice Girl.
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