Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Bathroom babe

It's been a long time since I wrote anything about Pamela Anderson, which should not be interpreted as a sign of neglect or indifference. To paraphrase Mr Willie Nelson, she was always on my mind, she was always on my mind. The good news is that Pamela has been parading her prodigious gifts in a more visible place than my cryptic yet imaginative brain. The picture above, which you have my permission to gawk at, shows her re-enacting the infamous “shower scene” of the horrendous movie Psycho.

The purpose of this action shot, if indeed a purpose be required, was to publicise a campaign sponsored by PETA. Pamela’s petrified pose is intended to remind people that rearing livestock wastes torrents of fresh water that could otherwise be used to bathe the nubile skin of innumerable comely wenches. As Pamela herself said:

"Producing one pound of beef uses as much water as about six months of showers.”

Cows, you see, are incredibly thirsty creatures. You would be too if you had to plod around in a field all day, chewing continually like a hipster with a piece of gum in his mouth. No less thirsty are the assassins who butcher the beasts and carve them into steaks for your barbecue. As Private Tommy Atkins said while stationed with his regiment in the Northwest Frontier:

But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An’ you’ll lick the bloomin’ boots of ’im that’s got it.

Water is a precious resource that the victims and villains of the meat industry are guzzling extravagantly. That’s why Pamela is both a vegetarian (like us gorillas) and a pacifist (like us gorillas unless we are needlessly provoked). It gives her the moral right to relax in her Jacuzzi for hours, toning up her supple skin with a hand shower.

Now, some of you might have noticed that I exaggerated when I said that Pamela had re-enacted the Psycho scene. Posing for a picture is not quite the same thing as simulating a gruesome murder. Perhaps she was worried that unkind critics would compare her acting skills with those of Janet Leigh. However, let’s not forget that Miss Leigh never appeared in Baywatch – I don’t even remember seeing her legs in the spine-tingling shower scene, which is pretty ridiculous when you consider she was as naked as a cuttlefish. No amount of acting technique can make up for a glaring situational anomaly.

In truth, Psycho is not a movie I greatly admire. It stretches credulity that a crazed serial killer like Normal Bates is never shown quenching his thirst after committing one of his appalling crimes. Nor did I approve of Hitchcock’s decision to make him a transvestite, which unfairly stigmatises men with a cross-dressing fetish. I ended up feeling sorry for the blighter in spite of all the mayhem he created. I wish Pamela had depicted a scene from Lust in the Dust instead, an epic movie full of thirsty villains and a transvestite who is as pure as the driven slush.

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pamela anderson is fulla plastic.

I'm for real, baby! what I gots is mine, all mine!
the lovely pamela is no pacifist when it comes to butchering her ex husbands.

the cattle drink a ton of water but they also piss out a lot of nitrogen laden fluids that help keep the land fertile. if they drank even more water they might fart less and spare the ozone.
OK... Lets do science with a young Pamela Anderson

I had no idea Pammy was a vegetarian. I'm tempted to make a joke about how she appeared to love meat in her younger days when she was romanced by Tommy Lee but that would be in bad taste. Besides which, I'm sure he was more gristle than beefcake.
Well, the prose was up to snuff but you usually include a titillating photo or two that wakes me up. What gives? These pics aren't doing a damn thing for me. Especially the two 'ladies' at the end of the post. More Ophelia Lovibond, please.
That doesn't look like Pamela Anderson. Maybe it's because her butt is censored. Since when does she censor her body parts, GB?
I see. So Pamela wants the cows to die of thirst instead of being turned into hamburgers? Maybe the argument is that if people stop eating beef, there will be fewer cows around, so they will drink less water?? There might be more cows around for all she knows. Look at India. They got cows till the cows come home. I think Anderson got brain damage from hanging around too much with Motley Crue and David Hasselhoff.
Anne Marie: It's all yours? Does that mean you never share it?

Billy: If they fart less they'll belch more. There's no way of stopping cows excreting the gases produced in their gut.

Goodstuff: That's a fine collection of Pammy pictures you've got. Are you a devoted fan of hers?

Steve: Is it true there was a video of the event? It might have shed light on your conjecture. An ex-cannibal once said the nearest thing to human flesh was pork.

Exile: I admit the picture of Pammy isn't one of her best, but I'm very disappointed the end-pic did nothing for you. Didn't their sulky make you grind your teeth?

Robyn: That did surprise me, Robyn. If you can't see Pammy's butt, there's not much point looking at her. I think it must have been PETA that censored it.

Jimmy: I suppose people would have to stop drinking milk too, but maybe your attitude would change if you stopped dining at McDonalds. Have you tried a gourmet veggie burger, Jimmy? It tastes damned good and it won't give you butt cancer. Red meat gives you butt cancer.
There was indeed a video of the event - I seem to recall Pam and Tommy were on a boat and there was a lot of background wind (weather-based as opposed to Pam's internal digestion). I'm sure it is still available from some dark corner of the internet.
Well, as long as she walks the walk as well as talking the talk, I can respect that.
Nice cans, too.
Me? I like cheeseburgers.
MY cans?
Hello Mr. Gorilla Bananas. Sorry I've been absent for a while, I had a water issue.

Talking of water, do you know how much water it takes to blow up your tits, plump up your lips and bleach your hair peroxide blonde? you know how MANY cold showers have had to be taken by the male onlookers of said result?

I think I've had my pound of beef on this matter.
I think we should be thankful that proper cows only drink water and that they don't need to take showers.
Why not just cut the bull and have her reenact Debbie Does Dallas?
You don't want those cows to become dehydrated. This could lead to UTI's and excessive cow tipping. Pamela Anderson is probably stil sore about her stint on Dancing With The Stars. I liked Janet Leigh's shower scene in Psycho.

Steve: Hmm, it doesn't seem as of they chose the ideal venue for the camera to work its magic. Sound quality must have been another problem.

Al: What would you say if Pamela served you a canned cheeseburger?

Jules: Dear Jules, I don't need water to pump me up when you return from an absence! And I much prefer your blondness to the peroxide sort!

Ms Scarlet: Whatever happened to all the proper cows, Miss Scarlet? Didn't you know a few of them by name?

Michael: The bull is even more thirsty than the cow, Michael. Cutting it is a job for the matador.

Julie: Janet Leigh certainly knew how to act with her face, but am I right in thinking we never saw her legs?
HA, HA!!! Didn't I just!!
You think Psycho is a horrendous movie? Blasphemy! It's a classic! It was a good movie for its time.
I've always asked myself how on earth could Hitchcock shoot the shower scene without showing Janet Leigh's legs.

I'm not vegetarian but I eat fish instead of meat. There's no water problem with that. ;)
Oh dear, I am not sure in Ms. Pamela Anderson could ever even try to reenact a picture or scene of the great Devine. I'm not sure, but it may be sacariglious.
I am in full support of cosmetic surgery. Look at South Korea. All of the world's most attractive people are people from South Korea who've had plastic surgery.
Ms Scarlet: We won't mention their names, Miss Scarlet. Do you miss them?

Mary: It was impressively horrendous, Mary.

Leni: Was I correct that her legs were never shown, Leni? I might have forgotten them after a brief glimpse.

Mistress M: Hah, you're probably right! Pammy doesn't have the attitude to impersonate a drag queen.

Fredulous: That's difficult to corroborate without knowing who the world's most attractive people are. Were you thinking of Woody Allen's wife?
I miss them all :-(
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